The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

Jazee

Glad you're ok Ivyleaf.

camelot1001

Great news ivyleaf, now rest and get better soon!

We had a little snow yesterday but no more today, it's mighty cold - that wind would cut you in two.

The kitchen is finally finished - the blinds went up today and I think they look lovely.

DD is treating me to a weekend away (my christmas present), we are off to a spa hotel in Northumberland which is possibly my favourite place on earth (well, the bits I've been to). Really looking forward to it, just hope the weather behaves.

ivyleaf

So glad the kitchen is finished at last camelot! Any chance of a photo? Have a lovely weekend - wrap up warm though!

Thanks for the wise advice, ladies - I know I need to be careful for a while and am worried I'll accidentally do too much as I have so little pain. just realised a little while ago that I'm much more tired than usual as I got up at my normal time so that DS could arrange my computer stand for me before he went to work, and didn't go for a snooze at any point, so I expect an early night is a good idea

Softstuff

Camelot, would love to see your kitchen, purdy please.

Ivyleaf, you'll heal better with naps xx

monnagran

Great news Ivyleaf, just be sensible and enjoy the enforced rest.

Glad the kitchen is finished Camelot. Now you will really be able to say that it was all worth it and all the upheaval and stress will soon be forgotten.

lisev. What a chaotic situation! Is there no hope of custody arrangements being formalised? This idea of the boys being able to keep changing their minds about where they want to live is sheer madness. Of course they are going to move out when rules are enforced and return when the grass looks greener somewhere else.
it is part of a teenager's raison d'etre to see how far they can push the boundaries, how else are they going to learn what is acceptable behaviour? However much they kick against it there is security for them in finding out just how far they can go.

It is just so terrible for parents to see their children ruining their lives. Not to mention the exhaustion of the constant battles.

My two boys are adopted and when the eldest was a confrontational and rebellious teen I used to fantasise that one day his birth mother would knock on the door and demand her child back. I would have handed him over with a bowl of goldfish. He was constantly threatening to leave home and I was just as constantly packing his case for him. We survived, but only just and I still bear the scars.

Your problem child is too young for some of the things that I found worked, but surely there should be some rules about where he lives that are set in stone. I am amazed if nothing has been laid down legally about where the children live and where and when visitation takes place. This shouldn't be your responsibility.

I do think that it should be made clear to the children that if they leave your house it will be permanent and apart from visits which will take place at specified times they will no longer be able to live with you.

A couple of phrases that might be useful are....."If you choose to live in this home you choose to live our way and to respect our rules and decisions."
and
"While you live under my roof I own the air you breathe." (Thank you Judge Judy for that one, I wish I had heard it when I needed it.)

The only other helpful strategy is to keep communicating. Talking is hard but if you can ever manage to get a conversation going and listen to and seriously address their opinions and concerns, however half baked, it sometimes has a bit of a result. Sometimes they may even take on board something you say.
It's hard. Oh, boy is it hard.

As to groceries. Meal plan. Meal plan. Meal plan.

Only cook one meal.........no catering for fads and fancies.

Teenagers have hollow legs and are always ravenous when they get back from school.
I used to have a couple of tins that I kept filled with cheap, filling things that they could have ONE of with a drink when they came in. Bread pudding, flapjacks, Twinks, scones, fruit loaf.....plenty of good cheap recipes on the grocery challenge thread.

You must be sooooo tired with all this. Try to look after yourself a bit. You are precious too.

Chin up.

x

meanmarie

Ivyleaf, so glad that you are home and well, would repeat what others have said.....take it easy and have several naps every day, otherwise you will just delay your complete recovery.

Lisev....no advice to offer other than to look after yourself

Marie

silvasava

Excellent advice Monna - when my two visited their dad they used to come home and try it on with 'dad let's me do it' My response was that's his house - it's not done in this house. Basic house rules provide parameters and security and apply to all who live together but applying them can be a constant battle!

shanks77

Welcome to the newbies
Ivy so glad everything went well for you
Monna wise words as always nice to hear from someone who has gone through something similar.
Camelot another looking for pic please as I am having my kitchen done albeit not as I would like (well meaning ex) but would love to get some ideas
Giinyknit hope you are ok after your shock
Lisev [/B hope things turn around quickly for you. Sounds like you have a sensible head on your shoulders and with some guidance and support have faith that things will get better.
On hols for a week so trying to sort out house which has gone downhill since the Xmas period. Not had the inclination or motivation to do anything much but woke up super early for me and got on with a few things. Onwards and upwards eh?
Have a good weekend everyone xx

lisev

Hah, yeah I agree that things should have been more legally decided too. Considering that she messed them around so much when they were younger constantly letting them down and barely seeing them, it should be taken into consideration by social services more. Although to be honest, social services have tried to place DS3 (the problem child who lives with her lol) back with us so many times but he runs away and doesn't want to live at ours There have been so many meetings where she has been trying to get him to live with us too but he is having none of it because he is not the head of the household in our house and he is in hers.

I just find it so bloody unfair and frustrating that even though she wasn't the greatest mother when they were growing up, we still tried to make sure there was some kind of relationship for the most part... although there was a period of about six months when there was no contact and that was down to us as we had simply had enough of being taken for mugs and then called all the names under the sun. But that wasn't a good situation for the kids so we rectified it. I've gone out of my way to involve her, especially when they were younger as she was missing so much of their childhood, only to be called names and treated like i'm some kind of tyrant.

Shopping is my main problem area I think, but I've been really good so far this month and am still under budget!!! I've also been batch cooking meals, making sure we use everything up and stockpiling loaf cakes that I can cook three at a time and then slice and freeze for lunchbags or the dreaded after school starvations!!! I even made loads of dough and portioned it and froze it so its there whenever I want it.

Thanks for everyones advice, its really helping to know that I can come on here and rant it all away lol, and if I can help anybody else out then all the better. Support comes from those that care xx

Lise xx

mardatha

Can anybody advise me on Halogen cookers please? Have you got one? Do you like it ? Is it better than the big oven? Does it use a lot of elect?? Do they cook everything an oven does?