The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

Softstuff

Ivyleaf, that would extend that portion of the renovation by another 6 months, which I'm loathe to do. I'm looking at workarounds, but just a bit harassed!

In the meantime, we have an entire floor and bathroom walls so progress is being made.

burtha

Hi all,
Dd is 14 , but a young 14 or maybe just not as street wise as a lot of average 14, no chance of moving schools , I think that would scare her even more , thankfully know one of the teachers there ,who I spoke to at the weekend and confirmed my fears, half the problem lies with the way things happen" today ". We live in a very small village , no busses after 6 , any chance of her meeting up with friends has to be through mums taxi , not a problem , but has ended up with things like is she ever has to get a bus ,she is like a rabbit in the headlights, thing she has only being on 2 busses ... she goes to a youth club , but very small number of kids and they are all the ' misfits' but great bunch of kids unfortunately none go to dd school but she loves it , and they are all the same , ...hair easy to sort although may struggle with home management as she struggling with any electric device and scared she will burn herself , have gone through it a thousand times with her , so has her older sister , not getting anywhere fast , she has wonderful waves in her mid length hair , but seams like most of the sch, have poker straight hair ....
As for make up , it's a bit of a problem , very sensitive skin , to the point of swelling ,eyes closing, hospital .... have meds on standby but unsure what to try first , and she really isn't intrested , have bought her more make up than I have , but think she may have only tried a few times , ..
Have spoken about trying to turn the nasty coments around but know that she will just say nothing a walk off , and probably "look" ok , but she will be so upset she takes it all in ,and will dwell on it all , ... everything doesn't stop when she leaves school , she would have talked to her friends on fb,or xbox , now because of the fall out they are avoiding her , and because of our location is totally by herself , school seams to have a high percentage of kids that self harm ,most of the schools around here do , so something else to watch for , her low self worth is making her more of an easy target ...
Having said all that she is fine , happy around us , is a sensible kids in other respect, loves being a aunt,very good with dgd,babysits for her ,just lacking confidence in social circles.
don't know if I should speak to "friends" mum , don't think I will get me far , apparently dd has texted her and got know where , no response , the rumour is she doesn't know whether to belive her or not , ...the kid who spread the rumour is sitting back saying nothing , asked dd to speak to her in front of them all ,ask why she is lieing but know dd will not ,so it looks like she is guilty, therefor they are all being Horrid , more kids joining in and the problem highlight and makes other problems bigger ,

Gosh think I have written a essay , just so frustrating as what to say next to her .... All my others have had more attitude that I had to rain in lol , but the last 2 ...dd worries and very shy , ds is so laid back I want to scream at him at times , but I know nothing much will ever upset him ...
nothing has changed over the last 30 years , I / we have always had 7 thousand thing's on the go ...years ago when youngest kids were small we had 5 teanagers,and we all servived....
Keep plodding on ....
X

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

Today is my walk day and I think I'll be using it to go and collect jam sugar. I'll be checking out the progress on the blackberries at the same time. OH made a salad for tea last night which didn't quite make enough leftover so I suspect he is angling after that frozen pizza for lunch. I'll make the spanikopita tonight and I'll also try to roast the veggies for tomorrow's soup while the oven is on. I got the skirt fabric washed and dried and the skirt cut out yesterday in between work tasks and while OH was making tea last night so I'll try to make a bit of incremental progress on that. OH and I have scheduled in taking ebay photos on Friday morning so I need to make sure I have all of my contributions ready and wash anything that needs it.

Unfortunately the courgettes do not seem to be growing. I don't think they were pollinated even though when I came back from holiday the plant had both male and female flowers. They are the first two and that does sometimes happen although we've had far more bees than usual this year--possibly as I'm amassing a nice collection of flowers bought reduced and wombled from cuttings etc.


Burtha You have my sympathy. It sounds like she isn't interested in makeup and I hope she'll eventually gain more confidence in her own skin. I had similar skin issues when I was her age (fragrances including essential oils, eyeshadow and mineral makeups in particular often make me swell like a puffer fish!) so if you want any suggestions let me know.

Tips That sounds like a good solution. I heard an advertisement this morning for a Radio 4 programme on stalking--you may want to give it a miss but it might also help to hear other people's stories.

Floss

FPK I have the only g*y courgette plant on our allotment site this year, one of mine has just got male flowers, the other has now got 2 courgettes on.

Softstuff

Burtha, I suffer terribly from make up. I've tried every one going, natural or not, mineral, cheap right the way up to chanel and my eyes run and itch, my nose runs, then at best I get eczema at worst it peels and weeps. There is one out I'm going to try soon though, dusty girls, made by the moogoo people. That stuff has done wonders for hubbys skin I reckon the make up is worth a shot. They also apparently refund if you react, so it might be good for your DD

FairyPrincessk

Floss wrote: »

FPK I have the only g*y courgette plant on our allotment site this year, one of mine has just got male flowers, the other has now got 2 courgettes on.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Tipsntreats

FairyPrincess Thank-you, but not ready for that as yet.

I had a really stress free shop today. Stopped for a ciggy (yes I am a dreaded smoker!!!) outside the precinct and the lovely security man (must have spotted me on cctv), came and found me, just to check that I was ok. That put me in a really happy mood. It must have showed, as so many people just came up and chatted to me today.
There are a lot of old folks in Boscombe, I think that the only time they get to talk to someone, is doing their shopping. I am usually rushing around trying to get it finished, because of that problem.
Today I had time for them. One elderly man held the door for open for me! "It should be the other way round" I said to him. " It's not very often that I can open a door for a movie star" he said. "You should go to specsavers" I replied. We both had a good laugh.

I will drop by the fence soon.
Tips x

Islandmaid

Floss wrote: »

FPK I have the only g*y courgette plant on our allotment site this year, one of mine has just got male flowers, the other has now got 2 courgettes on.

I,m sure you will love and respect both of them equally:D

BURTHA - hugs to your DD - my DD is now 20, but when she was 14/15 she dressed like every other girl that age - we used to call them clones - bullying is horrible and I hope the school step in - I am sure she will be confident in her own skin in time, and if she is a cornflower in a field full of poppies, she is still beautiful X

moneyistooshorttomention

Burtha - there's also the tale of the Ugly Duckling - ie the ugly duckling that turned out to be a swan.

A lot of these old tales have, quite obviously, been written to appeal to adults and not children imo - as they have a good point to make.

monnagran

Am collapsed in a little damp heap. One day of entertaining 14 year old autistic DGS and lively, chatty 3 year old DGD has knocked the stuffing out of me.
I took them into Ryde on the bus as Pickle has never been on a bus before and got very excited about the idea.
They both sat upstairs in the front and 'drove' the bus, much to the amusement of other passengers.
Tomorrow it will be a home grown picnic on the beach with some kite flying and castle-making thrown in, weather permitting. I will have an early night and build up my stamina.

BURTHA: I don't think there is much more you can do for your DD other than try to nurture her sense of self-worth and self esteem. If anyone outside the immediate family could also just drop in the occasional comment along the lines of how great they think she is, how much they admire her quietness and thoughtfulness, how they love her natural look, sort of thing it might go some way to building up her confidence. Best not overdo it though or she will smell a rat and mistrust everything anyone says.
The Youth Club looks to be a good thing and seems to be a place where she feels comfortable.
Certainly the school should be made aware of the situation but for her sake I think everything should be very low-key or she will feel embarrassed and it will all be counter-productive. Wish there was something I could say or do to help but all I can do is send lots of hugs and positive vibes in your direction.

FairyP. Sorry to hear about your !!!!!! courgettes. My experience has been that they are the most relentlessly prolific vegetables under the sun. One day they are as big as your thumb and ten minutes later they are sizeable marrows. Attempts to give them away are usually greeted by a hasty refusal without thanks.
That being said I do like them but not in industrial quantities.

x