The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

TiredTrophy

My children had their interests outside school with music and sport. And the friends they have stayed in touch with were there.
Do you know the best friend's parents? You could invite them over for a cup of tea and a chat? Put things straight....

Hard_Up_Hester

Burtha, I'm 65 and still don't understand about hair and makeup and would rather have my head in a book.
Softstuff is right in the wider world there are lots of people like your DD, school can be a nightmare, I know, I work in one.
I'm just having breakfast and a cuppa and then I need to drag the furniture downstairs ready to be collected.
I'm still scraping paint off a glass panelled door, I'm about a quarter of the way through, tomorrow I have my daughters dogs to look after until Saturday so very little will get done when they are here.

camelot1001

I feel for your DD burtha, it's a horrible thing to feel excluded. She has done the hardest part which is to tell you what is going on. One day she will be pleased that she hasn't followed the flock of sheep and has her own identity but for now I think you are doing the right thing boosting her confidence at home. I would think about contacting the school when they return to see if they can keep an eye on her, maybe introduce her to some new groups and clubs.

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

It ended up being spag bol last night as the mince needed to be used before my next turn cooking. We tried the brown pasta from Aldi for the first time and the spaghetti was very good. I've had versions that were close to soggy cardboard so I was skeptical but I think we'll make the swap. We still need to try the penne. Don't worry Ivy the spanikopita is still in the plan and I now have the crafty idea of trying to sort the menu plan so that the leftovers can be used in a pack up for lunch on Saturday when we go for a walk.

I treated myself to a mooch around the fabric shop yesterday before yoga and came away with the notions to finish a blouse I'm working on and material for a skirt to match it. We're going to a wedding reception in a couple of weeks and I fancy something new for it. All in it was just over £5 not including the blouse fabric which I already have, so I don't think it is too extravagant. Unfortunately they did not have the correct sort of bobbins so I'll get onto ordering those online today. I may not finish it all in two weeks, but I'll do the skirt before I get back to the blouse and it can be worn with several blouses so I won't be left high and dry.

I've just been planning a walk for us on Saturday--I've kept the train tickets under £10 total for both of us which I'm very pleased with. I'll have to raid the kitchen for picnic ideas as I didn't plan for one in the meal plan. Hopefully the spanikopita will be available and there is always homemade bread, boiled eggs, pickles, carrot batons, cheese, tuna etc. I have some YS sausage meat in the freezer that could do for sausage rolls if the spanikopita gets eaten. I do LOVE planning a picnic. Unfortunately OH regards picnics as necessities of economic hardship and a terrible faff. I'll win him around eventually. :rotfl:

BurthaIt sounds so tough not quite knowing how to help your DD. Is she keen to try out hair and makeup, or does she just feel she must do it to fit in? If she is keen to try it, you might also try taking her to one of the larger boots or a department store and let them do her makeup. You'll probably get the 'hard sell' but you might be able to find websites with 'dupes' on them. If she is just doing these things out of obligation then perhaps remind her that the summer hols are coming up and suggest some activities that are more to her tastes. I guess it is all well and good for adults to know that this stage of life passes and that most of it ends up ok, but that isn't easy for a young person to see and doesn't help with how they feel now.

silvasava

Burtha - would it also be any good asking DD what would make her feel better? I do feel for her as we all know from life experiences that this will pass but at her age it is her current life IYKWIM. I was always the odd one out too with my head in a book - still am!

ETA - Just googled Spanikopita - looks yum! Can I make it with defrosted leaf spinach and puff pastry???

FairyPrincessk

silvasava wrote: »

ETA - Just googled Spanikopita - looks yum! Can I make it with defrosted leaf spinach and puff pastry???

Absolutely--just make sure you squeeze the water out of the spinach after it defrosts. I've seen several recipes that specifically require frozen spinach, they just don't sell it at Aldi or our local Tesco.

monnagran

Burtha: I don't know if it will help but I had a similar problem with a child at school when I was teaching. She came to me in tears one day and confided that nobody liked her, they called her names, excluded her from games etc.

We had a long talk and in the end decided that getting upset was just playing into their hands and making them feel that they had power over her. We devised a new strategy of going along with them and making them feel that she was on their side. So when they verbally attacked her, she would agree with them that she was what they were saying about her and wasn't it sad. She would also say how nice it must be to be like them and how she SOMETIMES wished that she was more like that herself. When it came to the fact of her being excluded at break time games she herself decided to take a book with her so that she had something to occupy her.

Apparently there was a good deal of gobsmackedness among the bullies. Also another child was also suffering the taunts and the two of them joined forces so they didn't feel so lonely.

None of this may help your DD, we all remember how important it was to feel part of a group. Maybe she could look out for someone else in the same boat. Maybe it's one of those things that makes school days hideous and the only thing that helps is time, growing up and leaving it all behind. Maybe the only advice I can give the poor mite is " Smile. It will drive them crazy."

Good luck. It is a wretched situation.

x

melodramaticme

My daughter used to respond to insults as though they were compliments; saying "Thank you" or "Thank you for noticing" which was not the expected response and gave her back a little power over the situation.

Tipsntreats

Thank-you for all of the advice. i knew that I should really go to the police, but, it was such a dilemma years ago. So. I went the security officer in the shopping precinct instead. He went and reported it to the police. That man will now be monitored by CCTV. I have told them my routine, and if he is found to be following me, they will intervene. I was going to change the town and shops, that I use. But then HE has won.
I still can't understand why a man young enough to be my son, should be doing this.
Tips x

ivyleaf

That sounds a really good solution Tips

burtha Your poor DD I can't remember how old she is? Our DGS was being bullied but was then moved to a different school a year ago, and is a changed child now :j Happy, confident and has lots of friends. Is there any possibility of that for your lovely girl, or is there only the one school she can go to?

Softstuff How awful if you're going to end up doing all the painting at the height of summer :eek: Could you bear to wait until the weather cools down a bit, or would the painting be the lesser of two evils?

FPk Happy Sewing! Great idea to make the skirt before trying to get the blouse finished - I don't think I'd have thought of that!