The single track road - life on a different path

apple_muncher

Glad you have slept more and have taken time off work. I think Levi is right about going to your gp.

When I was single, with no hope of ever being with anyone, evenings were rotten. No focus or purpose and plenty of aimless wandering round a small house. It is hard, so do pamper yourself. Maybe find a boxset you really want to watch and do 1 a night. I like to knit in front of the telly - that way, if the telly is mediocre, my brain is still occupied; and if the telly is riveting, then I just get fewer rows done.

Sending you more hugs xx

MeandO

Hello everyone.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for leaving you all in the lurch for the best part of the week, I really didn't mean to cause any of you any concern and I SO appreciate all of your huggles, cuddles, cheerleading and support, you are all truly wonderful. :A

Oh, before I forget, Lilty, you mentioned a PM but I don't seem to have received one. Not sure if it's your inbox or mine.

I won't make this too lengthy, but a quick update for you all...

I think a little break from here is what I needed.
As wonderful as the support is on the diary, I found that writing down how miserable I was feeling was making me dwell on it and bringing me down more. I was also spending too many evenings on the laptop and I've no doubt this was not helping with the sleep. Instead, I have been trying to get a few things accomplished around the house and taking it easy with a few more early nights.
I am still waking throughout the night at times, but I have been sleeping better, which has helped my mood no end.

I have been taking more time out to play with Ds and am planning more activities for the pair of us. Once payday comes around, I shall be spending a little on some bits to stock the craft cupboard up - we want to make some things with air drying clay and need some more paints etc and a few fun activity maths/english books that we can do together. I need to spend more quality time with him rather than letting my worries distract me and him end up playing with his toys by himself as much. Yesterday we made a huge 'spiderman' spider's web in the garden with a ball of string and caught bubbles in it. It was the most fun we've had together in ages. We also did some puzzle and sticker books together in bed in the morning, so that was lovely too.
I have been looking at some parenting blogs and have found some lovely ideas for crafty makes that we can do together (and will double up as making some presents too).

I haven't been to the GP, I don't want to go down the antidepressant route at the moment, but if I feel any worse then I promise I will.

Moneywise, I've not been doing so good.
I've taken my eye off the ball, been a bit too extravagant in buying birthday gifts for a couple of people with big birthdays coming up in the summer and the debt has gone up rather than down, but I am not going to berate myself about it at the moment. I will pay it off, it's just going to take me a bit longer.
The ex has been very down lately too which has been worrying me, as it's not like him, so I have been trying to cheer him up a bit too by helping him with the (currently non-existent new-build) garden and things around the house which has cost me some money.
This is the thing - I don't spend money on myself, but I spoil other people rotten. That's pretty much the reason for my debt in the first place (albeit the Lloyds/overdraft/student issue).

My Him was back again for the weekend and, although for various reasons we didn't see a lot of each other, the time we did spend together was nice. He has booked a week off towards the end of this month and is going to finish a few things in the house for me and just be around for a week which will be lovely.
He knows how hard I'm finding this and is doing what he can to change the situation and make it easier for both of us. To be fair, he works a 47 hour week whilst he's away, and has to leave at 3am on a Monday morning to travel 6 hours to work, crashing at a rather low budget B&B Mon-Thurs night, so he's not having a great time of it either.
I'm trying to make the most of everything at the moment I guess.

I have lots of diaries to catch up on, so I will do so over the next few days. I don't plan on spending loads of time on here at the moment though, as I don't want to focus solely on the negatives as I seemed to be doing, so forgive me if I'm jumping in and out of things sporadically.

Love you all and thank you so much for being cheerleaders.

xx

hummingbird

Hey MeandO great to see you - I'd been wondering where you were - hadn't seen you around for ages!! I'll catch up with your diary xx

liltdiddylilt

Lovely to see you posting but I totally understand where you are coming from and am finding the same myself at the minute. Too much time on here is seeing me accomplish less in the real world and I am trying to get some balance back!

I will PM again xx

MeandO

Talking of the crafty stuff, I just remembered that I still had £16.97 of credit on the pre-loaded mastercard I had from Sky, after the scales were returned, so I've bought this little lot from the works for DS & I to get busy making/playing with - all without cost. There was a free delivery and 10% off code too.
I looked on Amazon at first, but their new minimum spend threshold makes it completely unaffordable from them, so was chuffed to find I could get so much elsewhere.

He is going to be so chuffed with the batman bubble wand, we have been playing with bubbles in the garden all weekend, really hope it actually makes bubbles though!!!

1 x Das 1kg White Modelling Clay
£4.00

1 x Boldmere Acrylic Colours Paint Set (14 x 12ml Paint Tubes)
£3.00

1 x Crawford & Black 15 Piece Value Brush Assortment
£2.00

1 x Artists Palette
£1.00

1 x Assorted Glue Sticks
£1.00

1 x Batman Bubble Wand
£1.50

1 x Disney Frozen Bubble Wand
£1.49

1 x Dinosaurus Steggy Suncatcher
£1.25

1 x PVA Craft Glue - 500ml
£2.00

liltdiddylilt

That is brilliant! My friend turned up with Jellytots birthday presents today and we now have glow in the dark paint, brushes, pots, and mega amounts of other crafty bits including crayons and pencils

I foresee much mess in our future :rotfl: xxx

apple_muncher

Yoo hoo! Good to hear from you girl xx. I concur about less screen time - I get so much more done when I'm online less. I'm slowly unsubscribing from things, and becoming 'silent friends' (is there such a thing?) on the dreaded fb monstrosity.

I LOVE airdrying clay!

Lilty - read your post as 'glow in the dark paint brushes' and got all excited.

stepuptothepl8

hello lovely

Completely understand - it's your thread, and you can post as much or as little as you need to. We all need down time, and knowing when to take it is quite rare All that craft stuff sounds brilliant.. who is going to enjoy it more, you or him?! xxx

MeandO

Dammit - you saw through my thinly veiled 'I bought kids craft stuff for the boy' excuse Stepup! :rotfl:
I used to LOVE making things when I was a kid - potato printing and random sticking packaging and boxes together then painting it til it looks like something type crafts were the best. Ds has to be persuaded sometimes, but as long as you keep his attention he'll enjoy it.
He WILL enjoy it.
Lol!

So, I've got a few bits and bobs done tonight, no TV or anything on as I find it sucks the life out of me. Sat watching a wedding programme the other night and spent the rest of the night crying my eyes out - why do I do it to myself?! Lol.

I have put a few shelving units together for the ex's house (which have been languishing in the garage for eons); built the herb wheel for the garden which arrived today (herbs to be transplanted from a smaller tub at some point and a few more purchased after payday). Mine and ds's packed lunches have been made and I've showered, washed my hair and sat and painted my nails in bed.

Off for an early night now, so sleep well all, will catch up with everyone's diaries a bit more tomorrow.

Thanks again for all your support.

Xx

liltdiddylilt

Herb wheel? Discuss.

Thanks for your support on my diary. It sounds like you know all too well the panic we are going through/have been through for the last 3 years.

Big hugs, I know where to come running if I have questions. xxx