Partners ex keeps pestering him

divadee

Guest101 wrote: »

Or just block her phone number and ask family to do the same?

We did discuss that, but he still wants contact with her son (not his son but bought up like his own), he has changed his phone number yesterday and has only given it to the son (he's mid teens), but there is always the risk she could get it.

divadee

quidsy wrote: »

Presumably she had a relationship with these people before you came on the scene & a long enough relationship with him to buy a home together. Just because they split up doesn't mean she isn't allowed to stay in contact with the friends & family she got on with.

Basically it annoys you that she texts him, fair enough but as long as he isn't replying she will soon get the idea & stop but you 100% don't get a say in who she contacts from his family & friends.

I suggest you stop acting like the nutty controlling new girlfriend else you might find yourself the ex & his next gf posting messages here in future about how you can't let him go.

Hahahahahahaha. How little you know me. I do like your attitude though. I assume you have had issues of letting go yourself?

I am not nutty or controlling, I just think some women should have a little bit of pride and dignity and stop contacting your ex. They are exs for a reason! And let me know how you would feel being woken up at midnight by a text message saying 'night' every night for a bloody week (couldn't turn his phone off as his mum was sick).

quidsy

Hahahahahahaha. How little you know me. I do like your attitude though. I
assume you have had issues of letting go yourself?

No I've never needed to start a forum thread about how to control my significant other but nice projecting. Just admit it, you clearly are trying to control his responses, you've even admitted it;

and im trying to delicately tell him he needs to do something without sounding
like I'm demanding it!

Just demand it, he'll get it much quicker, men tend not to read delicate signals.

As for the text, why not have them contact you if his mum was ill, then he could have turned his phone off. Else block her number, there are many options here. The easiest being him manning up & telling her to stop the friendly texts as it is bothering his new gf. You are entitled to tell him that.

LilElvis

divadee wrote: »

We did discuss that, but he still wants contact with her son (not his son but bought up like his own), he has changed his phone number yesterday and has only given it to the son (he's mid teens), but there is always the risk she could get it.

If he wishes to maintain contact with a child who is both a minor and not related then he needs to accept that this will also entail having contact with the mother. It's up to your partner whether he wants to speak to his ex about the frequency and nature of her contact with him, but unless he does so sensitively it may well backfire and lead to cessation of access to the child.

Buzzybee90

Is it annoying him as much as it is you?

Tbh if he wants to maintain contact with his "step son" then you might not want to rock the boat too much.

divadee

LilElvis wrote: »

If he wishes to maintain contact with a child who is both a minor and not related then he needs to accept that this will also entail having contact with the mother. It's up to your partner whether he wants to speak to his ex about the frequency and nature of her contact with him, but unless he does so sensitively it may well backfire and lead to cessation of access to the child.

He doesn't want to speak to her and is furious that she is contacting people. But he's too much of a nice guy to say anything bad to her. He has before said, I will contact xxxxxxxxx about seeing him as a hint that he doesn't want her to contact him but she still does, she never contacts him about the son only to stir/rant/pity etc.... He does all contact about seeing the son through the son

divadee

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Is it annoying him as much as it is you?

Tbh if he wants to maintain contact with his "step son" then you might not want to rock the boat too much.

He hates it. Absolutely hates it. He can't understand why she would do it.

I have said he has to be careful cos of the son, I would never want anything to jepodise that. He knows he has to be careful, but he also wants her to stop contacting him with carp, and just contact if it is an emergency or something.

dandelionclock30

He might still be more involved with her than he lets on to you. Lots of people split up with partners and then remain very good friends. He might just be saying its her but he may ring her himself etc. You just don't know.
Hes a grown man and if he truly wanted rid of her it would be very easy to cut all ties. You need to be asking why hes not doing this.Its about him not her.
You sound like you are making excuses for him and that you are insecure in your relationship.

quidsy

The "nice guy" thing is a ruse. He managed to end the relationship with her so he must have stopped being a "nice guy" at some time when that was going on. And telling her to back off is not being nasty, he doesn't have to be horrible about it but he does need to be clear that he wants pally texts to stop.

There is nothing wrong with you requesting he take control of this situation but IME, being direct is the way forward, not tiptoeing around & hoping he gets the message.

divadee

I'm going to leave this thread now, it seems im in the wrong! If having my pride and dignity at the end of a relationship is wrong I don't ever want to be right!

I just hope changing his number works and she doesn't get hold of it.