Selling Dad's Property

hohum

AdrianC wrote: »

Sometimes, you have to turn your emotions off, and think about whether your father is actually capable of appreciating the difference between the two. There's a heck of a lot of money gets poured onto salving the conscience of the families of people who really aren't in a position to give the first toss about how nice the wallpaper and cut flowers are.

It is possible to have some quality of life with dementia, and external environment, proper care etc are perfectly reasonable considerations. A nice place is not just about the cut flowers and the wallpaper. It's about appropriate levels of care within the budget available. Talking about care is a decision which should involve emotions, love, quality of life not just the frickin financials.

Got to love the internets sometimes. People say some stupid stuff when shielded by their screens.

At OP, just to add do anticipate changes in care needs and options. We had an issue where we essentially waited to long to move my granma closer to us, by which time her needs had increased and in the end we kept her where she was because the confusion and distress caused by a move seemed worse than her being far away. The place where she was were absolutely brilliant and managed to accommodate her even when her needs went beyond what they are really meant to be providing. She lived for a further 11 years after dementia meant she was unable to remain at home. Just a heads up that can be the timeframe for needing high levels of care.

AdrianC

hohum wrote: »

It is possible to have some quality of life with dementia, and external environment, proper care etc are perfectly reasonable considerations. A nice place is not just about the cut flowers and the wallpaper. It's about appropriate levels of care within the budget available. Talking about care is a decision which should involve emotions, love, quality of life not just the frickin financials.

Did you actually read what I've said in this thread? Or are you just extrapolating from a skim-read of one fragment of one sentence?

cavework

AdrianC wrote: »

Sometimes, you have to turn your emotions off, and think about whether your father is actually capable of appreciating the difference between the two. There's a heck of a lot of money gets poured onto salving the conscience of the families of people who really aren't in a position to give the first toss about how nice the wallpaper and cut flowers are.

Poster is right , the level of care and the attitude of the staff to the wellbeing and rights of the resident are far more important than a nicely placed vase or two of flowers in the visitors lounge to impress the relatives

cavework

Can I also add , from experience .. the most expensive homes are not always the best homes when placing loved ones.
I am really tired of some responses to people who do not have a massive budget to work with, when it comes to finding care homes/nursing homes.
It's a tough enough decision without this lambasting of any choice that has to be made that is not self funded
The remarks are usually from those who have not been faced with the decision..
yet

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

If you can show that he would be badly affected by changing homes, the LA would have to keep him in his chosen home. They will try to get someone else (usually a relative) to sign up to pay 'top-up fees' - don't do this without taking advice.

Mojisola - who would one take advice from and what reasons would one need to: I'm on the cusp of my parent's having to sign one of these and am very interested to know it mightn't be as cut and dried and unavoidable as I thought.

Mojisola

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Mojisola - who would one take advice from and what reasons would one need to: I'm on the cusp of my parent's having to sign one of these and am very interested to know it mightn't be as cut and dried and unavoidable as I thought.

We have a couple of local solicitors who specialise in family law and older peoples' situations - see if you have the same.

Brighton_belle

Thank you.

Mojisola

Signing a top-up fee contract is like becoming a guarantor for someone - you are committed to paying the bill for however long is necessary, regardless of what happens in your own life.

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

Signing a top-up fee contract is like becoming a guarantor for someone - you are committed to paying the bill for however long is necessary, regardless of what happens in your own life.

The only other option though presented by SS seems to be a forced move on an elderly parent who is currently in a very caring place.


Sorry to hijack your thread OP.

Mojisola

Brighton_belle wrote: »

The only other option though presented by SS seems to be a forced move on an elderly parent who is currently in a very caring place.

That's horrible.:(

You need to push "the move would be detrimental to his well-being" argument. Worth talking to a legal bod or, at least, AgeUK.