Selling Dad's Property

Beancounter

p00hsticks wrote: »

I apologies if anything I've posted has upset you - that was certainly not my intent..

Don't worry about it, I am a bit upset at seeing him in hospital last night, we were led to believe he was going to be fine and discharged today and were looking forward to telling him about his new home but he was very confused and it was upsetting. Now got to stay in till Monday at least. We are assured he will be ok in a few days but it's just another thing to worry about.

Hope your situation works out.:)

AdrianC

Beancounter wrote: »

Ok, final post on this matter, I'm getting a bit upset.

Please don't get upset at what I'm explaining - I've been there with my own M-i-L, who spent the last seven years of her life in a care home. I'm pointing out that it really isn't as simple as the "unfairness" case makes out, even though that really does seem a very obvious argument on the surface.

Let's suppose he does have to go into residential care, burns through the 3 years of house sale proceeds (he has not got a penny of savings by the way).

He has assets. Whether those assets are in a bank account or in his home doesn't make a difference. If he lives on his own, then leaving a property empty long-term would also be a bad thing on many levels.

What happens then? Do the LA pick up the tab

Yes.

is it down to us to pay

There is never any legal responsibility for you to pay for his care, even if you are a multi-millionaire. Whether you want to or not is another question.

or is he moved to the "cheapest industrial-scale battery-farm" AdrianC describes?

AIUI, whether he moves from a care home that he's settled in and has been resident in for years, or whether the council can continue to fund him in that home, depends on a whole raft of factors, and really is case-by-case. But if he's being moved into a care home, it will be at the, umm, lower end of the market - and he won't get much choice in where.

Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney over his affairs? Does he still have capacity to give PoA, if not? If it's an option, GET IT DONE NOW. I cannot stress strongly enough how vital this is.
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

throwa

You can also use the funds from the sale of the flat to purchase a care annuity - very like the pension annuity which you're probably more familiar with, but related to care costs. It will be calculated based on the personal medical situation of your relative and will take the form of a one off lump sum being paid out to the annuity provider in return for a regular monthly income to cover the fees (or the deficit each month if there are pensions etc which will cover some of the fees).

You will have to do the calculations to see if this is the best option - it will depend on the relative's age, their likely lifespan left and the amount of money available, but potentially it's an option if you want some money left over after from the sale of the flat after the annuity has been bought.

Beancounter

AdrianC wrote: »

Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney over his affairs? Does he still have capacity to give PoA, if not? If it's an option, GET IT DONE NOW. I cannot stress strongly enough how vital this is.
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

That was the first thing we did when he had a bout of confusion last year, took a while to convince him of the benefits but we got there. His diagnosis of dementia last month shows that to be the correct choice.

I'd worry about him going into a nice place, getting settled then having to move to a horrible place 3-4 years on. We certainly couldn't afford the fees quoted, we'd have to sell our own home for that and as for him coming to stay with us as another poster suggested, I couldnt handle the stress etc this would cause.

It's a cruel irony that they spend years looking after us then we have to look after them in later life.

Mojisola

Sunnyweather wrote: »

TBH I looked after mine at home. Each to their own. Don't like homes.

p00hsticks wrote: »

May I ask how you managed that financially ? I'm aware of attendance allowance ,carers allowance and housing benefit, and my MIL gets' state pension, but if I gave up work to be a full time carer it would result in a very big drop in income for, that I'm not sure we could manage ....

There's always someone who pops up on these threads to say they cared for the parents at home. Well done to anyone who has - if that was the right thing for the parents - but it's not possible for a lot of families.

I looked after Mum and Dad for 10+ years and it has affected my health, my income and lost lots of time that I couldn't spend with my OH and children. After Mum died, Dad wasn't happy at home even though I was practically living with him. After a hospital stay, he had to go into residential care - the hospital wouldn't discharge him to go home, even with a care package in place.

I am very mild natured but I get thoroughly !!!!ed off at the self-righteous posters who, by claiming that they cared for their parents at home, imply that those who don't, don't care about their parents.

I know of several older people who have been very unhappy while kept at home by adult children who had an eye on their inheritance and didn't want money 'wasted' on a care home.

Beancounter

Mojisola wrote: »

I am very mild natured but I get thoroughly !!!!ed off at the self-righteous posters who, by claiming that they cared for their parents at home, imply that those who don't, don't care about their parents.
.

I decided not to dignify that reply you quoted with a response as I may have ended up with a ban!!

I would love to be able to take my dad in and care for him here but one of us would have to give up work, the stress would kill me. ( i was upset enough after a short hospital visit last night) and my wife would inevitable take the strain as I work nights and she would be at home with him. Her health isn't great either so has to watch what she does.

She has been an absolute gem over the past 6 months or so.

p00hsticks

Beancounter wrote: »

Don't worry about it, I am a bit upset at seeing him in hospital last night, we were led to believe he was going to be fine and discharged today and were looking forward to telling him about his new home but he was very confused and it was upsetting. Now got to stay in till Monday at least. We are assured he will be ok in a few days but it's just another thing to worry about.

Hope your situation works out.:)

I know how you feel - M-i-L was also supposed to be discharged today (from a convalescent stay in a care home following a few days in hospital) but has taken bad and is now not coming out until Monday. We're currently getting a 'careline' installed in her council house and social services have arranged for her to be visited three times a day by careworkers for four weeks once she leaves, with a keysafe bengi fitted today. But we're completely up in the air as to where we go from there....possibly, sheltered housing like your dad if we can get it ? It's so difficult to find out the options. Until M-i-L was taken poorly a couple of weeks ago she was managing fine by herself, but seems to have aged years before our eyes in the last couple fo weeks :-(

Beancounter

p00hsticks wrote: »

I know how you feel - M-i-L was also supposed to be discharged today (from a convalescent stay in a care home following a few days in hospital) but has taken bad and is now not coming out until Monday. We're currently getting a 'careline' installed in her council house and social services have arranged for her to be visited three times a day by careworkers for four weeks once she leaves, with a keysafe bengi fitted today. But we're completely up in the air as to where we go from there....possibly, sheltered housing like your dad if we can get it ? It's so difficult to find out the options. Until M-i-L was taken poorly a couple of weeks ago she was managing fine by herself, but seems to have aged years before our eyes in the last couple fo weeks :-(

It's horrible watching them age in front of you. Just a couple of years ago my Dad was able to do anything, then my mum passed away and it's been a gradual decline since.

Re sheltered housing (or very sheltered as my dad has been offered) they key to our application was getting doctors letters. As he has dementia, lives on his own and lives in a rather dodgy area he was classed as "highly vulnerable" so shot to the top of the waiting list.

Depending on your mother in laws condition maybe getting a letter to back up any application might help.

lincroft1710

Beancounter wrote: »

It's horrible watching them age in front of you. Just a couple of years ago my Dad was able to do anything, then my mum passed away and it's been a gradual decline since.

My father was exactly the same although he was 85 when my mother died. He lived on his own for the next 3 years, aging rapidly and his memory in the last few months was starting to go. He was eventually admitted to hospital and there was no question of him returning home, he would have to go into care.

This however didn't happen as he died in hospital.

AdrianC

Beancounter wrote: »

His diagnosis of dementia last month shows that to be the correct choice.

I'd worry about him going into a nice place, getting settled then having to move to a horrible place 3-4 years on.

Sometimes, you have to turn your emotions off, and think about whether your father is actually capable of appreciating the difference between the two. There's a heck of a lot of money gets poured onto salving the conscience of the families of people who really aren't in a position to give the first toss about how nice the wallpaper and cut flowers are.