Mothers-in Law

onomatopoeia99

I wasn't married, but my former MIL was nice, in fact we stayed friends after her daughter did the dirty on me and until I moved away I used to pop round most weekends for a chat and to help out with any jobs she needed doing.

minerva_windsong

I think I got lucky because my mother-in-law is lovely. She is generous to a fault (we are currently insisting to her that she cannot sell her flat to help us buy a house!*), always willing to help out and treats me like her own daughter. The one thing I would change about her is her questionable taste in present-buying but other than that she's a great MIL.


* Before anyone says anything, I know she can sell the flat if she wants to, but we don't want her to because if she does she'll basically have no pension and nowhere to live in her old age - whereas keeping the flat means she can get some income from renting it out and then move back in when she retires...

TBagpuss

I don't have a MIL but I know my Granny (so mother's MIL) was lovely. She had suffered from a terrible MIL (who quite literally used to put on white gloves and check for dust on the top of doors etc, and never offered any help of nay kind, even when Granny was trying to cope with cancer, a small baby and a husband called up and sent overseas)

Granny was determined not to be that kind of MIL, and was always very careful not to interfere or to criticise. When she visited for the first time after my parents got married and got their own home, she asked whether my mother would *mind* if she was to help with some of my mum's mending and housework, and when my parents had their first child she asked whether they would prefer a traditional christening gift or whether they would rather she bought them a washing machine, which at the time they didn't have and could not afford.

My other grandma was very different but was also much loved by all of her sons-in-law.

Izadora

tea_lover wrote: »

there's no need to highlight that her daughter is adopted as if she's some sort of second-rate relative. Just nasty.

Maybe I missed something but I saw 'adopted' as simply an accurate description of a relationship rather than an implication that she was somehow second-rate.

Also, although I'm not married, my boyfriend's mum is lovely and has been nothing but kind to me and tells him off if she thinks he's not taking proper care of me.

Person_one

Izadora wrote: »

Maybe I missed something but I saw 'adopted' as simply an accurate description of a relationship rather than an implication that she was somehow second-rate.

Ever seen 'The Royal Tenenbaums'?

Once a child is adopted, they are a daughter or son just the same as any other, to keep referring to them by the label that disassociates them is pretty offensive. You wouldn't do it in person, would you? "This is Mike and Jane, and these are their sons Dan and Sam and their adopted daughter Sally".

Jagraf

My ex MIL was lovely til she became ex. Then as I wasn't part of her family anymore she didn't bother.

My dd is obviously her nan but I don't welcome the relationship at all. She's fair weather.

My mum in law now is nutty as a fruit cake and lovely.

ALI1973

My MIL was fabulous, more of a friend, I was so glad to have had the pleasure of having her in my life.

Sadly she passed over Christmas after years of dementia

The rest of the inlaws though :eek:

Callie22

OHs mum unfortunately has a form of dementia and so has never really got who I am, although she always seemed to like me. However, it did get a bit awkward on a few occasions when she was convinced that I was OHs ex-wife.

catkins

tea_lover wrote: »

Granted, this woman sounds like a nightmare - but there's no need to highlight that her daughter is adopted as if she's some sort of second-rate relative. Just nasty.

Person_one wrote: »

Ever seen 'The Royal Tenenbaums'?

Once a child is adopted, they are a daughter or son just the same as any other, to keep referring to them by the label that disassociates them is pretty offensive. You wouldn't do it in person, would you? "This is Mike and Jane, and these are their sons Dan and Sam and their adopted daughter Sally".

I referred to her as the adopted daughter precisely because that is what she is. My OH is her natural son and yet has always been treated very very badly.


When they were young if anything got damaged or broken my OH got beaten with a belt because everything had to be his fault and not golden girl's. He got maybe £20 spent on him at Christmas while she got £100.


Fair? I don't think so.


Oh and the daughter is just as horrible as the mother

Jagraf

catkins wrote: »

I referred to her as the adopted daughter precisely because that is what she is. My OH is her natural son and yet has always been treated very very badly.


When they were young if anything got damaged or broken my OH got beaten with a belt because everything had to be his fault and not golden girl's. He got maybe £20 spent on him at Christmas while she got £100.


Fair? I don't think so.


Oh and the daughter is just as horrible as the mother

I would just say son and daughter, as that's what they are. Sounds awful though, but that's the MIL fault not the daughter's.

Sounds still like you're saying being adopted isn't equal to natural, I think that's the problem.

My MIL spoils my OH (her son) rotten, yet isn't half as kind to her daughter. Strange how some parents behave.