What should we do with our DS when I go into labour (no family support)

pollypenny

DIL went into labour a week early, thevdaynbefire her mum was flying down to look after number 1.

He Was looked after by a fairly new friend and was quite happy for the day. He was a bit clingy afterwards, but that was likely anyway with a new baby brother.

If you're unsure, I'd put your little one first. As has been said, lots of us were alone in labour.

Hope it works out for you whatever you decide.

balletshoes

Pakkun wrote: »

By the way, when you say 'ask a friend to look after my child', do you usually mean asking them to come over to your house? We were thinking of dropping our DS to our friend's house if we decide to ask her to help us as her house is on the way to the hospital. What is the norm?

I am relieved to learn that a lot of you feel happy to help out your friends regardless of day-time or night-time. While I am not sure whether I could come over my issue (i.e., relying on others), at least I can now feel that my friend might also be happy to help us out this time like you.

Best,

Pakkun

there isn't really a "norm" its whatever suits all of you best - if its possible and your friend can come to you, its probably best for your DS that he is looked after in his own home with his own things around him, for the short while you and your OH are away at the hospital. But if thats not practical, theres nothing wrong with you dropping your DS off at your friend's on the way to the hospital.

restless6

My 4yr old son came to hospital with me when i had my second baby as i had no one else to have him.
My mum came with me and the staff just put the tv on and he watched cartoons while i gave birth.
The other option was for me to be alone which would have been ok if the hospital had said he wasnt allowed to stay in the birthing room.

A 4yr old is much easier to entertain than a 16mth old though!!

moomoomama27

notanewuser wrote: »

Slightly pedantic perhaps, but it's actually not "their" decision. They can advise against and give reasons, and you may decide it's not something you want to risk, but it's your decision, not thrirs and they have no rights whatsoever to disallow you a home birth of that's what you want.

While it's not their decision, and they cannot stop you, it would be very risky given a previous c-section and small gap between labours. It would not be an option as far as I'm concerned because of the risks of rupture.

I would go with option 3. People really don't mind helping out friends, even if it's in the middle if the night, I'm sure your friend would rather help than allowing you to labour on your own.

Perhaps gave a good talk with your friend, get your DS used to the idea, they really are very adaptable.

Flugelhorn

I agree with those who say that friends will help at any time - I was "on standby" to pop over to friends house in the middle of the night and kip on the sofa. As it was her sister was staying the night when it all happened so that was easier

Pakkun

Dear all,

Thank you so much for your comments. Re: a home birth, it seems that it would be better to stay away from it to be on the safe side, though I will discuss this with my midwife/consultant if I had a chance.

I am yet to decide what to do but I fell less hesitant to ask my friend help out now (and it was good to know that there is no 'norm' on whether we ask our friend to babysit DS at our house or theirs).And I also feel more comfortable with going into labour on my own, knowing a lot of you have done it so far.

I am so glad that I asked this questions on this forum. Thank you so much for your time for me!

Best,

Pakkun

TBagpuss

you could also have a combination of 1 and 3. Depending on how long your labour is, and when it starts, you may be able to have your son with the friend at the outset, so that you husband can come with you to the hospital and see you settled. If necessary, he could then go home to check on DS, and then come back later on.

Equally, if you start in the night, it might make sense for your DH to stay with DS at home till DS wakes up, then drop him off with the friend and for DH to come to the hospital.

Good luck

Pakkun

TBagpuss,

That is a great idea! That way, I feel less guilty towards my friend and my husband will not miss out the birth of our second completely.

I will look into this option (combination of 1 and 2) seriously.

Best,

Pakkun

fluffnutter

I think OH might feel sad if he misses the birth of his second child. Option 2 is a non-starter. Hospital probably won't allow it, labour can take hours and hours, and you can't look after a 16 month old and a partner in labour. I'd choose Option 3 personally.

Sezzagirl

Dear Pakkum

You sound like a very kind, thoughtful person and if I was your friend I would be honoured, delighted and thrilled to be involved in your family's special occasion in any way!

Honestly, the first thing I would do is have a conversation with your friend. Explain your situation and that you were hoping to ask for her help. You'll soon know what she is able to offer to do - hopefully she jump in and offer to help at any time - and then you can plan from there rather than tying yourself in knots with ifs and maybe's

Good Luck!

ps I really wouldn't plan on taking a 16month old child to the hospital except as a last resort. Not an ideal situation