What should we do with our DS when I go into labour (no family support)

Buzzybee90

I'd definitely leave first child, I'd put yourself first here.

splishsplash

If you go with the option of having your friend help out, I think it would be better if you had your friend call round to yours a couple of times a week over the next few weeks.
That way, if you go into labour at night, your son will see a familiar face who 'belongs' in his house if he happens to wake. If you go into labour during the day, he will be used to her being in the house and able to keep to his own routine.

I imagine most friends would be delighted to help out in a situation like this, so I really wouldn't hesitate to ask if I were you. I know we've all done it in the past, or at least been on standby if needed and more than happy to be available. It's no harm to have more than one person 'primed' for action - just in case.

VfM4meplse

Pakkun wrote: »

BTW, re: a help from a neighbor, I believe that they are happy to help me out if asked but I feel guilty if I ask them more than taking me to the hospital/looking after my DS for a couple of hours if I start my labour when my husband is at work. I feel the same ways to my friends to some extent as I am not good at relying on others/friends, though I will be more than happy to help my friends if asked and would not mind whatever time it happens. I think this is my issue.

There are two points I'd like to make here. Firstly, most people are happy to help acquaintances in need and will be pleased to do, so you're right, it is your issue and not one that you can allow to hold you back. And secondly, what flexibility does your DH have around your due date? I hope he intends to take his pat leave if financially viable.

pinkteapot

DS will be fine being babysat for a bit, and anyone offering knows full well it could be anytime day or night.

I was 4 when my brother was born. Next door neighbours had told my parents to knock anytime and they'd look after me. Mum went into labour at 3am and dad refused to disturb them so they took me to the hospital. Of course they were told that I wasn't allowed to be there so dad took me home and woke the neighbours. By the time he got back he'd almost missed the birth!

Check with whoever you make arrangements with that they know it could be 2am, for your own peace of mind. But don't have dad miss it unless there's no other option.

[Deleted User]

Me personally, I've had 3 caesareans.., with the last one, I felt my son was more important than any support I might need (after all, that's what staff are there for) and so my OH looked after my son during the brief period it was 'unsociable hours'. In fact, I went off to hospital leaving him asleep lol. I must admit he wasn't too happy but I wasn't even sure I was in labour at the time.

He was able to get to he hospital for the birth though.

If you undergo a normal delivery, its likely to take a while, so am sure your husband will have plenty of time to be present after sorting out a friend to look after your son.

But if you do both desperately want to be present for the birth.., as mentioned above, I am sure anyone you ask would be very happy to be woken at whatever hour if needed. Its not an everyday event.

It won't hurt your son to be somewhere else for a few hours. Definitely not suitable to have such a young child there.

AngelOfTheNorth

Definitely look into buying in some help. Doula, trainee midwife, out of hours babysitter, they could all be options. It might even be possible to get a trainee doula at low cost because they need to do a certain number of births before they can be accredited.

I think you have to assume you're going to need to either do the birth without your husband, or put some watertight childcare in place for your son. Having him there in the hospital while your husband looks after him and you have major surgery is really not realistic. Your husband isn't going to be able to do both things at once, and if he's going to be the one caring for your son, it's in everyone's interests that he does this at home rather than in the hospital.

Pakkun

Thank you all for taking your time to help me to decide what to do with DS's arrangement on the D-day. We are still yet to decide what to do but it is very helpful to hear other people's thoughts on this.

Re: a home delivery, I had an impression that I was not allowed to take this option due to my previous C-section. If this is not the case, I will ask my consultant/midwife for more information about this and their thought on this.

Re: my husband's flexibility, he could leave work for the hospital quite easily as his workplace is very understanding. Plus, the hospital where I am going to deliver our second is very near to his workplace(15 minutes on foot). Therefore, if I go into labour during the daytime and if it falls onto Mon, Tues, and Wed when DS goes to the nursery, I think we should be more or less ok though we may ask our friend to pick DS up on our behalf and looks after him for a couple of hours.

By the way, when you say 'ask a friend to look after my child', do you usually mean asking them to come over to your house? We were thinking of dropping our DS to our friend's house if we decide to ask her to help us as her house is on the way to the hospital. What is the norm?

I am relieved to learn that a lot of you feel happy to help out your friends regardless of day-time or night-time. While I am not sure whether I could come over my issue (i.e., relying on others), at least I can now feel that my friend might also be happy to help us out this time like you.

Best,

Pakkun

AngelOfTheNorth

It isn't that you wouldn't be allowed a homebirth Pakkun. Nobody can actually stop you from having one, if this is what you decide to do. You just wait until you go into labour, and don't go to hospital. They're not going to frog march you in- possibly pressure you, but the ultimate decision would be yours.

The problem is that you'd almost certainly be going against medical advice. As you probably know, VBAC carries a small but significant risk of uterine rupture. If that happens in the hospital, it's not good but they can deal with it. If you're giving birth at home, that won't be the case. I believe it's particularly risky where you have a small gap between births, as you do. Uterine rupture is not something you want to mess with. It can be fatal. Nothing wrong with VBAC attempts, or homebirthing per se, but you do not sound like an ideal candidate.

Pakkun

Dear AngeloftheNorth,

Thank you for your comment on the risk of a home delivery after c-section. I remember the consultant said the similar thing to me before. I will prioritize the safety of my second baby and myself and will probably follow the advice from the medical expert in the end.

Best,

Pakkun

AngelOfTheNorth

Sounds like a good plan. You should be able to get something in place, either to help you during the birth or to look after your son. The good thing about a section is that you'll have a relatively firm date booked, which can be helpful in your situation. Although you could always investigate hospital VBAC too, that may well be an option.