What should we do with our DS when I go into labour (no family support)

Pakkun

Hi, I am wondering whether anyone could share your experience or opinion on the following issue that I face.

We have a 16-month-old DS and I am expecting my second sometime soon. The thing is, neither I nor my husband have any family members in this country and none is available to fly to the UK to help us out. Therefore, we are now discussing what sort of arrangement we should have for our DS on the day when I go into labour. Here are three options which we have come up with:

Option 1: Husband looks after DS at home while I deliver our second on my own.

Pros:
 We do not upset DS least.

Cons:
 I am not sure how well I can cope with the labour on my own (I had C-section last time I had DS so no experience with the natural labour).

Option 2: Take DS to the delivery suite so that my husband can look after both me and DS.

Pros:
 Husband can look after both of us at the same time.

Con:
 Not sure whether it is allowed by the hospital;
 DS may become upset in a different environment/ me being in pain;
 May not be realistic.


Option 3: Leave DS to our local friend and my husband will stay with me at the hospital.

Pro:
 Husband can concentrate on helping me;

Con:
 DS will be very upset as he will not know this friend much (DS met her only twice so far. We could take DS to her place several times before my due date but I am not sure whether this helps that much unless I take him there once or twice a week, which I do not think I can do anyway);
 We will hesitant to ask the friend to take DS if I go into labour at night (we cannot ask such a big favour unless they are our family members);

If anyone were in a similar situation like ours, could you share with us what you did in the end? I am also interested in hearing from anyone who delivered their baby on her own.

Best,

Pakkun

Errata

Option 1: Husband looks after DS at home while I deliver our second on my own.
You won't be on your own, you'll be surrounded by healthcare staff. Your LO doesn't need to be abandoned to the care of a stranger by both his parents.

ERICS_MUM

Option 4 - husband stays at home with DS and neighbour sits with you in the delivery suite. Assumption is that the neighbour is a woman, you know her well enough and she would be willing to support you as much as you both feel comfy with.

Or have hubby take DS to hospital but have neighbour go too so she can look after DS with daddy close at hand.

Good luck with whatever you decide !!

itzmee

Is a home birth an option at all?

spendingmad

Have you considered a home birth?

I had my second child at home after an induced birth with my DS. Part of the reason behind this was that we had recently moved to a different part of the country 2 hours away from family.

We had asked a friend to help should anything go wrong and I needed to go into hospital but knew we would only be 'putting' on her in extreme circumstances.

I actually went into labour late evening and gave birth early hours of the morning - it was lovely waking DS up in the middle of the night to say hello to the new baby.

GwylimT

We did option 1, but ours was a planned c-section so we just dropped mum off at hospital and went back two hours later after a play in the park and in the childrens room.

barbiedoll

itzmee wrote: »

Is a home birth an option at all?

It would probably depend on the reasons for the first CS. OP, you could contact your midwives and ask if they have a home birth team if you think that this could be an option?

Otherwise, let DH take care of DS at home. A labour suite is no place for a toddler, there will not be staff to take care of him (they will be looking after you!) and your DH will be distracted by him and so unable to concetrate on you anyway.

I know it's lovely (mostly!) to have your partner at the birth but to be honest, by the time that you get to the pushing stage, you probably won't care who's in the room, you will be in the "zone", and focusing on yourself and your baby.

Good luck with the birth!

sulphate

For those asking about home births, this is often only an option for women who have had previous non complicated labours and births, so probably not an option for the OP as she had a c-section last time.

OP when is your due date? I favour option 3, but only if there is enough time for your LO to build up a sort of relationship with this friend to the extent he would be happy to be left with her. Also, dependent on whether she is happy to take him in the middle of the night.

pickledonionspaceraider

Option one is the best option. You are an adult and there is no question of you 'not coping' - this baby is going to come however you handle it.

Option 2 - The worst possible option for many reasons and definately should not be considered a viable option. The stress this will cause for your 16 month old seeing you in pain, the stress it will cause you, the stress it will cause your OH as he will not be able to ''be there'' properly for either of you

Option 3 - A mediocre option at the moment, but you could make this better by helping the babysitter and your child to create a relationship - depending on how long you have left

Flugelhorn

Option 1 is how it used to be - Dads weren't allowed in anyway.

DH wasn't there was DD arrived - she was in a hurry and he was at work at another hospital. Staff were great.

Had planned for neighbour to pop in to look after DS if I had had to go to hospital at any other time - she said she was happy to come in anytime and had her bag packed. Having said that DS was bit older and understood - can se it might be more tricky with a 16/12 old.

balletshoes

i would go with option 3, and i would start now meeting up with your friend, DS with you, regularly so they have a relationship of sorts before you go into labour. You might feel you couldn't ask your friend to come over to look after DS if you go into labour at night, but your friend might be more than happy to do it for you.

Its not just the birth-time you could need help/company from your friends, you might be glad of them when you have 2 little ones to contend with.