What should we do with our DS when I go into labour (no family support)

Alton_Towers

You could ask your midwife if they know of any women that volunteer as a birthing partner or a doula as they are known, you may have to pay but I think it's just to cover expenses.

Wilma33

If your friend is happy to look after your DS during labour then I'm sure she realises this might be during the night. I'd be happy to be disturbed during the night if a friend was in labour and needed me and I'm sure she is too. It's easier to look after a toddler at night than trying to entertain one during the day! Presumably he will stay asleep in his own bed and she will come and sleep at yours. I'd go with that option.

ALI1973

We had a friend look after DD1 when I went into labour with DD2 (she was 16 months old), friend also had her DD with her (same age, we met at antenatal clinic) she stayed at our house until DH came home. I did have a quick labour and she looked after DD1 for about 4 hrs in total as DH left more or less as soon as I had moved into a room with DD2.

DD3 was a home birth, older two were in bed, went into labour at 8pm, gave birth at 9.45pm and was snuggled in bed bed by 10.30pm. So if this an option for you, it really is a nice experience.

Best of luck with your decision and birth.

rach_k

I was in a similar situation so I know how worrying it is. In the end, my sister came to stay with us for a week and we crossed our fingers baby would arrive at the right time (she did!).

Home birth could be an option; there are plenty of women who have a home birth after a c-section but it depends on your comfort levels/preferences and the medical situation. Do your research though if you might like it - many women are told 'absolutely no' by their midwife/doctor when it is actually a decent option.

Have you looked into a doula for you? Then OH could stay at home with LO or in the waiting room and pop in and out with LO as wanted/needed.

Lots of women have children around to see the birth of their siblings but I'm not sure what the hospital rules would be. Worth asking though.

I would be happy to look after a friend's child even if I didn't know them that well. I'd actually prefer it to be at night - yes her sleep would be disturbed but chances are, your oldest would stay asleep and then you could just get up in the morning, dress LO and go to the hospital to see dad/meet new baby/get lunch etc.

carefullycautious

I had option 1 with my second as there was no one to look after first child.


Luckily had a quick birth and only stayed in 48 hours. No damage done to any of us.

FBaby

Definitely option 3. You need your husband there, and expecting your husband to look after you, take in the whole experience whilst also looking after your 1st who most likely will end up feeling fed up, tired, hungry etc... doesn't sound like great.

Why are you worried about DS staying with someone who will have met a few times? Toddlers are very resilient and even if he gets a bit confused at first, in all likelihood, unless he has attachment issues, he will just get on with the situation. As for your friend, discuss everything with her before hand, whether she will be happy/able to come over if it happens at night, whether it could be a problem etc... I'm sure she understands the predicament you are in and if she has offered to help, appreciate the extent of what it will mean for her.

Spendless

I'd go with option 3. Kids are very adaptable, if you want your child to see this person more prior to the birth and can't get him there yourself, can your friend travel to yours?

I had a similar issue, my parents were already looking after my sisters just 2 year old twins whilst she worked and my ILs had gone away when I started with youngest. We left eldest with my then BIL, who he knew a little bit.

The other option we considered, was waiting until 7.30am when my son's nursery opened and asking if they had an available space to take him that day.

If you use childcare, that may be something to consider.

Nicki

I had an uncomplicated (planned) c section with number 1 and a VBAC with number 2 and would not have been allowed a home birth with my second because my second pregnancy was within a year of my first and so there is a much higher risk that the scar would rupture during labour, which would be an acute life threatening emergency. OP's last birth was only 16 months ago, so likely to be in the same situation.

We also didn't have family living close by, but friends and neighbours all offered to help with the older child whilst I was in labour (knowing this could be at night) and it worked fine. I was in labour for 13 hours and a combination of 3 families covered for the whole period. Do you really not have any friends well known to your baby who would be able to help out at this time?

Pakkun

Dear all,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and opinions on my issue. I really appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions.

Re a home birth, it would be ideal if I could take this option but unfortunately this option is out as I am not allowed to because I may need to undergo an emergency c-section if the scar ruptures during the delivery as Nicki said.

It seems that Option 2 is not practical/realistic, which is good to know that at least I I can focus on two other options (me on my own or asking a friend for a help).

BTW, re: a help from a neighbor, I believe that they are happy to help me out if asked but I feel guilty if I ask them more than taking me to the hospital/looking after my DS for a couple of hours if I start my labour when my husband is at work. I feel the same ways to my friends to some extent as I am not good at relying on others/friends, though I will be more than happy to help my friends if asked and would not mind whatever time it happens. I think this is my issue.

I will have roughly a month before the due date. So I could take DS to my friend's place for a couple of times possibly. But again, I feel guilty to take up my friend's time only for my merit.

It is very reassuring to hear that some of you went into labour on your own and it was a norm in the past. I think we need to discuss these two options and choose whatever we feel most comfortable for our DS.

Re: Doula and a birthing partner, I have never heard of them so thank you very much for suggesting these. I will look into them tonight.

Best,

Pakkun

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

I had an uncomplicated (planned) c section with number 1 and a VBAC with number 2 and would not have been allowed a home birth with my second because my second pregnancy was within a year of my first and so there is a much higher risk that the scar would rupture during labour, which would be an acute life threatening emergency. OP's last birth was only 16 months ago, so likely to be in the same situation.

Pakkun wrote: »

Dear all,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and opinions on my issue. I really appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions.

Re a home birth, it would be ideal if I could take this option but unfortunately this option is out as I am not allowed to because I may need to undergo an emergency c-section if the scar ruptures during the delivery as Nicki said.

Slightly pedantic perhaps, but it's actually not "their" decision. They can advise against and give reasons, and you may decide it's not something you want to risk, but it's your decision, not thrirs and they have no rights whatsoever to disallow you a home birth of that's what you want.