Struggling

bexs2247

Hi, not sure if this is the right place for this but anyway.....we moved into our new house on Monday, our first house purchase together so it should be a happy time but I don't feel happy. I feel really unsettled, miss my old house, worried we've made the wrong decision and bought the wrong house. I don't know what to do to make it better.

My OH likes it here and the things that bother/worry me don't seem to effect him.

I just feel like crying 😒

restless6

Have a good cry.
It is an upheaval and will take some time to adjust.

Give it some time, if you still feel the same in say a months time, then maybe time to re-evaluate things.

bexs2247

Don't think we can really evaluate things in a months time. We've bought the house so its not easy (or cheap!) just to move somewhere else.

At the moment I feel like we should have just stayed in my old house.

It was all exciting leading up to the move, stressful, but exciting. Now I just feel upset.

Hedgehog99

Things often seem worse at this time of year, and you've only been there a few days.

If you are sentimentally attached to your old house, of course you'll miss it, but, if you think back, did it take you a little time to settle in there too?

Unpack your favourite things that make home feel like home. Plan things you can look forward to in the spring - planting annuals or veg in the garden? A day out?

How far did you move? Locally or a new area? If the latter, you'll feel more like exploring when you're settled and when the weather improves.

Hang on in there and give your new place a chance. Your OH should be more sympathetic, but try to take on some of his optimism too.

bexs2247

We moved locally. We are nearer both our parents here. I do love the house. Just struggling to get used to road noise here as its on a main road.

I never thought I was that attached to my old house but I guess I was more attached than I thought. I had been there just over 9 years.

bagpussbear

Moving house is one of the most stressful things, so you need to cut yourself a little slack here :-)

Its quite normal to have those 'have we done the right thing' thoughts at first.

My advice would be to start decorating, accessorising or making plans to make things nice in the home. Maybe mimic something from your old house too?

Scottie_dog

You may feel differently in a couple of weeks when you are more settled in your new home. It takes a little while for a house to feel like home. Give it time and have a good cry if you need to. I moved house 18 months ago and I too wondered if we had made the right decision. The new house is bigger and in a much better area but it felt cold and not at all cosy. We had done so much work to our old house it almost felt like a step down the ladder and not a step up iyswim. However, we now love our new house, we have redecorated the bedrooms and are currently getting a new bathroom fitted after saving up for a year. It's really starting to feel like home now :-)
It can be very stressful when you are buying, I too felt very stressed wondering if we had picked the best house available to us, got the best deal, best house we could afford etc but every house has compromises.
You must have liked the house to buy it, trust your own judgement and I hope you can enjoy your new house soon :-)

Person_one

I think its pretty normal to feel a bit overwhelmed, you've just made what is probably the biggest financial commitment of your life, of course you're going to have second thoughts and worries!

I'm sure things will seem better in a few weeks, when things have settled down. Chat to your partner, see what you can both do to help you feel a bit calmer about the big change.

krlyr

I've been in our house over 3 years and I still miss 'my' old house (didn't own in but it had been rented in our family since before I was even born - my brothers and I continued to rent it together as adults). 9 years is a long time, and you won't settle in under a week. I know when we were buying, you don't even really consider if your house until you have those keys and you're in, in case it all falls through - so you're getting to the end of a stressful process and the reality of it is hitting you.

As others have said, have a good cry, give it time, put some personal touches on the house. My old house had a train track nearby that I barely even acknowledged - yet I noticed all the airplane noise and the hum of the M25 in the distance at the new house. They're just new noises, your brain will learn to tune them out.

The things I miss about the old house get outweighed by the positives - OK, I preferred the location of the old house, but the land surrounding it was sold on a year or two after we moved so the lovely farmyard setting won't stay there forever. The quiet road is replaced with a slightly busier one, but with that comes that social aspect - everyone down the road nods and says good morning, I feel safer when OH is travelling with work, we're not so isolated in bad weather.

There will be negatives - if the house was perfect then a) it'd already be sold and b) it would have cost you a lot more than you paid! But it's a case of coming to terms with the pros and cons. If the latter really outweighs the former, even when you've given it time, it's still not impossible to change things - selling will cost money, yes, but you're not forced to pick one house and stay in it for eternity.

bexs2247

Hopefully you are all right. My partner is very much of the kind to just get on with things and deal with them lol. He knows I'm not very good with change. Changed my job in 2011 and am still not 100% settled in there and if I could I would go back to my old job like Lightning!!

belfastgirl23

Another vote for normal.

I still occasionally dream about our old house and miss it a little even though I love my current house. Which I've been in for nearly 10 years lol. I loved the old house too though..

And don't forget you can always make changes. If you don't like noise, sleep to the other side of the house. Or think about getting double glazing down the line. Traffic noise is often worst at this time of year as well, roads are wet and slushy and people are a lot more likely to drive than walk or cycle. Also you do get used to it after a while.

Moving is overwhelming. Try to think about why you chose this house to start with. Remind yourself of the reasons why you bought it - those advantages won't have gone. Be honest that you miss your old house. That's ok. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't have moved...