A nervous hello

Lawa

Yes he has had beenfit ect but he will say the debt is my fault and my issue to sort out.

honey10

Well, he sounds supportive....
I know this isn't the question you asked, but I would be wondering if you actually want to be tied to someone that obviously has no regard for your future as a couple.
Yes the debt is in your name but since you both benefited, shouldn't you both move forward together.

Obviously you don't need to tell us, but I would look at how your finances are split, if either of you are getting a raw deal, who provides for your child etc etc.

Lawa

Myself and my partner do have issues that are currently being adressed and I am fully aware of the fact i pay more out for our daughter ect. But as I am looking at this and am aware of our issues I did not want them discussing on here as tbh I am here to see if I can sort these debts out on my own in my current situation. Instead of bring so stressed and upset all the time over them as I have been and ended up self harming and drinking a large amount.

To be honest My partner is not supportive but thank you again for pointing this out to me and again dragging what was a positive mood in the fact i can cope ect to me doughting my relationship and how I am going to deal with it.

Depression and stress are a huge factor and I think you should be a bit more sensitive in the way you approach people. I purposly did not include my partner as their are issues outside of my finacials that you and this open forum are not privy to and were purposfully left way from the situation as I did not want to discuss them and be dragged doen by it.

honey10

I'm not sure how you got insensitive from either of my posts but either way...

You asked for help with clearing the debt, and I wondered why a partner that you share a rental property and a child with wouldn't want to contribute to clearing debt that he helped create, I don't think it was an unreasonable question.

I would also suggest getting some professional help with the drinking and the self harm, that won't help matters either. I'm not being nasty, but on a public forum, people can't be expected to know the ins and outs of your personal life and you are open to people passing judgement.

I hope you get the finances sorted...

Hollie_Hobbie

Lawa wrote: »

Myself and my partner do have issues that are currently being adressed and I am fully aware of the fact i pay more out for our daughter ect. But as I am looking at this and am aware of our issues I did not want them discussing on here as tbh I am here to see if I can sort these debts out on my own in my current situation. Instead of bring so stressed and upset all the time over them as I have been and ended up self harming and drinking a large amount.

To be honest My partner is not supportive but thank you again for pointing this out to me and again dragging what was a positive mood in the fact i can cope ect to me doughting my relationship and how I am going to deal with it.

Depression and stress are a huge factor and I think you should be a bit more sensitive in the way you approach people. I purposly did not include my partner as their are issues outside of my finacials that you and this open forum are not privy to and were purposfully left way from the situation as I did not want to discuss them and be dragged doen by it.

Hi


You sound like you are doing absolutely brilliantly, dealing with so much!


I think once you have built up your confidence with doing so incredibly well, you can then work out the issues with your partner.


Baby steps


Keep up the good work, and keep posting on here to keep you motivated!

Verbatim

Lawa
there's always one...
Don't get upset or let the insensitive comments get to you. Most people are really lovely and will try to help if they can.
You are braver than many in posting your soa.
You might want to remove your dd's name from several posts back? To ensure your anonymity.
You're doing brilliantly. Congrats on the smoking cessation and meal planning. Awesome stuff. I'm looking forward to following your progress!

Lawa

I am getting help thank you but as you can see I clearly sate a number of times he cannot help no need to keep digging and going hes not supportive.......

Hollie_Hobbie

Lawa wrote: »

I am getting help thank you but as you can see I clearly sate a number of times he cannot help no need to keep digging and going hes not supportive.......

Try not let it get to you, and try get back to the positivity that you were showing earlier !


Have you tried some of the challenges on here. There is a great one - earn an extra £10 a day in January. It doesn't have to be £10, can be £1 or anything, and it doesn't matter about starting at this stage of the month. It's a great thread, and some good tips

honey10

Wow...who knew that asking if someone's other half could contribute wasn't allowed.

If all of you that are mentioning my 'insensitive comments' go back and look, I wasn't harsh, or nasty. She asked for advice, I asked a perfectly reasonable question.

In fact, as someone who has recently quit smoking, has a problem with alcohol and who is a self-harmer, all 3 of which I do have sympathy with, my initial thought was that if the partner isn't supporting her financially, maybe he isn't supporting her emotionally and maybe she may be better off tackling this whole thing with just her and her daughter to get a fresh start with the whole thing...but please continue to pander to her.

Hollie_Hobbie

honey10 wrote: »

Wow...who knew that asking if someone's other half could contribute wasn't allowed.

If all of you that are mentioning my 'insensitive comments' go back and look, I wasn't harsh, or nasty. She asked for advice, I asked a perfectly reasonable question.

In fact, as someone who has recently quit smoking, has a problem with alcohol and who is a self-harmer, all 3 of which I do have sympathy with, my initial thought was that if the partner isn't supporting her financially, maybe he isn't supporting her emotionally and maybe she may be better off tackling this whole thing with just her and her daughter to get a fresh start with the whole thing...but please continue to pander to her.

Absolutely no problem with asking the question, but I think where you have gone wrong is in not listening to her when she has been continuously trying to tell you that she does not want to involve her partner in the discussion.


You may consider that people are pandering to her, but we consider that we are trying to help and support her, whilst respecting her wishes not to involve her partner.


The fact that she is doing so well overcoming all her obstacles WITHOUT the support of her partner is an absolute credit to her, and I hope that she has not been frightened off this board, bearing in mind that the title of her thread was “a nervous hello”.