Help reqd re clothes for burial - pls be sensitive

whitewing

While I have a great sense of humour normally, this isn't a joke so I would appreciate it if I got only sensitive replies on this post. Sorry this isn't money saving but I don't know who else to ask. It seems like a daft question but it important to the people who need to know.

A very close and very much loved member of my close family died very recently. We have to take the clothes in which he is to be buried to the funeral director's tomorrow. Our question is whether we need to include underwear and shoes? We could phone up and ask but the next-of-kin won't bother the funeral director out of hours, but i know it will bother them all night otherwise and make a sad situation worse.

The passing itself was peaceful and couldn't have been more loving so we are okay but sensible answers would be very helpful. I have also posted on the 'what to do when partner/spouse dies thread' but it's not showing the title on the post so I think this may yield better results. Mods - move it if you need to but not to The Moneysavers' Arms' as family don't drink/do pubs and would be offended. (I do, of course, like the odd glass!)

Been thro the links on the thread and got some lovely poems and other useful info, so thanks a lot anyway.

LizD_2

I don't know about underwear, but I think people usually are buried with footwear.

KittyKate

I would provide a 'full' set of clothes, just like how they would have dressed themselves. Keeps dignity. I hope you're OK at this difficult time x

calleyw

I would take everything that the person would normally wear so if they wore underwear and socks. Take these along with the shoes.

To be truthful have never thought about it before.


All the best


Yours


Calley

scooterpig

whitewing wrote: »

While I have a great sense of humour normally, this isn't a joke so I would appreciate it if I got only sensitive replies on this post. Sorry this isn't money saving but I don't know who else to ask. It seems like a daft question but it important to the people who need to know.

A very close and very much loved member of my close family died very recently. We have to take the clothes in which he is to be buried to the funeral director's tomorrow. Our question is whether we need to include underwear and shoes? We could phone up and ask but the next-of-kin won't bother the funeral director out of hours, but i know it will bother them all night otherwise and make a sad situation worse.

The passing itself was peaceful and couldn't have been more loving so we are okay but sensible answers would be very helpful. I have also posted on the 'what to do when partner/spouse dies thread' but it's not showing the title on the post so I think this may yield better results. Mods - move it if you need to but not to The Moneysavers' Arms' as family don't drink/do pubs and would be offended. (I do, of course, like the odd glass!)

Been thro the links on the thread and got some lovely poems and other useful info, so thanks a lot anyway.

Sorry about your loss. The clothes decision is entirely personal - when a very close relative of mine passed away we asked the undertakers exactly this question. They told us some people choose to have everything from underclothes to coat and hat, whilst others opt for a simple white robe. We eventually decided my relative should be dressed as she was for everyday life - underclothes, tights, skirt, blouse, cardigan, shoes, and a few accessories she always had with her.

Don't know if you've come across this, but there a lovely poem called 'Miss Me But Let Me Go which is really nice. You should be able to google it.

Hope everything goes well at what is a tough time.

Ms_Chocaholic

When my dad died the funeral director asked us to take the clothes for my dad that he would usually wear, including underwear, socks, shoes etc etc

Thinking of you at such a difficult time.

noonesperfect

This is a question I've asked myself .

My Mother died a few days after Christmas so we weren't allowed to go to the Chapel of rest until the evening before her funeral. I organised her clothes (what she'd worn at Christmas as it was a favourite skirt and cardi plus a nice blouse) I but I just didn't think about underwear and shoes until after the funeral.

This thread has put my mind at rest.

I'm sorry for your loss.

buxtonrabbitgreen

It is up to you really. But when my mum ( a very samrt and well dressed woman ) died, I sent in everything including shoes and her favourite brooch.

KatrinaC_2

It sounds from the other messages that it's up to you what you think would be appropriate, but if you're in any doubt you could always take underwear, shoes etc with you. You can always take them away with you again if you decide it's not appropriate.

I lost two members of my family this winter and I'm still easily confused about things 6 months on. I'm sure that the Funeral Directors will be more than used to questions like this if you decide to call first thing tomorrow.

Best wishes.

Kat

Zziggi

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. As to the clothes, i think it is up to you. However if the relatives have decided to bury the loved one in suit/outdoor/day clothes, then shoes (& possibly underwear) is maybe a good idea. I have seen relatives buried in suit (with shoes & pants), a nightdress/pyjamas(to look "asleep"?) and a shroud. i think the choise of clothes and which particular clothes is a personal choice of the close relatives.

inkie

As a minister, the funeral director is often concluding their visit to the bereaved as I arrive to meet with them to make the arrangements for the service etc. I have often heared the FD say to bring in clothes that they would normally wear. If you want to run this past the the FD they really are available 24/7, and used to dealing with querries like this out-of-hours.