Single, broke and feeling a little bit sad and lost...

RAS

Is your own place big enough for a lodger? Tax free income upto the £4K limit.

FBaby

I'm surprised you don't have many friends, you sound like the type of person who would attrac them, you seem honest with yourself, fun, have a great sense of humour and appreciative of life. You don't say much about your job, do you enjoy it? Do you have the opportunity to make friends (rather than just colleagues) there?

DianneB

£800 per month for full livery!! Really, where!! Spoke to someone last week who thought her £145 p/m full was expensive.

(Sorry the horsey part of my brain took over and ignored the rest of the post!)

Mikazaru

happiness.v4, I could have (almost) written your post myself, except that I've just turned 30 and am not single but in the (very!) early stages of a relationship. I'm also freaking out about being 30 (although given that most people forgot my birthday I guess I can be 29 for another year?!), my houses eats money like there’s no tomorrow and I seem to have ended up with few friends. They are all settled down with kids and I've remained the single oddity. I've also joined Meetup but haven’t been brave enough to go to an event yet, I hope yours goes well, what group have you joined?
I echo what others have said about volunteering at stables to get you back into your hobby. Have you tried all the stables for lessons, I wanted to get back into it but most lessons were just too expensive even for half an hour but I found a small riding school where it's about £10 for an hour. There might be something similar near you?
I know what you mean about being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it so one thing I've done is write a list of 31 things to do before 31, some of them are silly (roller blade round my local park), others important (new job) some that I've wanted to do for ages (climb a mountain) and others to try and get me out of my comfort zone and out of the rut. Maybe you could try something similar?

onomatopoeia99

To the OP, horses are expensive (as I'm sure you're aware). If 75% of your salary is going on the house I can't see a horse in your life anytime soon. My ex, who dumped me spectacularly just after my 30th (which I spent telling everyone how happy I was, oh gosh I looked silly a week later. So I understand a lot of what you're going though, even though it's a good while ago for me now), had an eventer that she ... couldn't afford. Nor could she afford to run the old Land Rover to tow the horsebox trailer, I can remmeber spening a wet Sunday underneath it replacing the diff in the rear axle in that, on my own, after the pinion shaft sheared while she was towing horse somewhere. She was permenantly broke, which meant we were permenantly broke, and the joint account bumped along on the overdraft limit. Sorry for moaning, I just remember the financial pain of a having a horse "in the family"!

As for things to do, I've done a few meetups, the ones I tend to want to go to seem to be on days I can't do though. The other thing I've been doing in the last few years is learning a language through courses run at my local council's adult learning service. I'm doing it to learn the language, rather than to meet people, but it's enjoyable, everyone in the group is really nice and we have a really good laugh in the lessons, it forces me to go out once a week and takes up a fair amount of time outside of that as well - our teacher believes that homework should be challenging!

DianneB wrote: »

£800 per month for full livery!! Really, where!! Spoke to someone last week who thought her £145 p/m full was expensive.

From memory ex was paying £100/month for a stable at a yard to park her horse over night, use of a field, but doing all her own mucking out, that thing they do with the hooves every day, maintenance and feeding etc. This was in 1998 though. Full livery round my way (North Somerset at the time) was way more than £145/month even then.

TBeckett100

Now OP!

So you're 30 and life seems a bit down. But here at the positives

1) you have your own place! Lots aren't getting on the ladder until their 40s
2) you like travel and you don't have a dog or a horse to stop you exploring that passion. I have hard job finding a chicken sitter, not sure I would pop a horse in the boot of a car and drop it off!
3) you are single and independent, that isn't always bad!

Ignore the Facebook thing. It is a positive marketing strategy and the hundreds of friends aren't really friends, they are usually old school pals and anyone they may have sat next to at the bus stop

Your biological alarm clock is set at 8am yet you are only at 10pm from the night before

Sounds to me like that only thing missing from your life is a bit of excitement. When you become an excitable little puppy, you'll find you will a) be happier and b) will attract more interest from potential partners. So what are you going to do to make like exciting?

1) slimming groups won't make you happy. Yes the ability to watch people queue at the loo to have a dump before weigh in and then self congratulating a 1lb loss that week may be amusing but it probably stops there!

2) if you like travel, why not book a holiday for later in the year and give yourself something to look forward too? I'm not suggesting 18-30 as drinking shots and sleeping with skin heads from Newcastle may not be a horsey girls cup of camomile tea, but there are plenty of single holidays. Obviously don't book a saga holiday. The men there will have plumbing problems!

3) what else do you like? As someone suggested, why not an evening college course. If you want to meet men, maybe a plumbing or plastering course lol

BakerBoy

Aren't plumbing and plastering courses full of single women these days?!!!

I think a course is a great idea, particularly a language course. Then perhaps you could set a goal for your holiday later in the year.

Weight loss, if that is what you want, will make you feel good (the bi-monthly clothing clear-out is wonderful). Perhaps start running or another exercise. There might be an opportunity to join a group once you feel confident enough.

Single, independent and with your own place is not a bad place to be. For the last few years I've lived by the mantra 'you only find happiness in the things you have, not the things you want. Unless you masturbate'.

And 30 is no age. I didn't find any career direction until is was almost 35. I didn't find true happiness until I was about 38 and I didn't become a parent until I was 39.

BakerBoy

And another thing…

Loads of those people on 2Facebook will be jealous of your position.

Horace

Remember that some people on Facebook tend to exaggerate - I have a friend who constantly exaggerates, he used to brag about how many weddings he had organised and now he brags about how many funerals he officiates at yet in the next breath he moans about not having any work and he needs to get a permanent job.

For those that are a bit scared of meetup groups - you need to go and if you are unsure contact the organiser of the event and say that it is your first time and they usually find someone for you to buddy up with. Remember that everyone in the meetup group started off not knowing each other.

You could do some volunteering whether that be with riding for the disabled or some other group. That gets you out of the house and meeting new people.

On MSE there is another forum called Oldstyle Moneysaving and there is a thread on there for OS Singlies (we are all single of varying ages and we learn from each other and support each other). Some of us have started saving a few pence each week (usually savings from shopping) and that money goes into a jar (or a piggy bank depending on whether or not you have one) and we call it our Happy Cash and it is only to be used for fun things or treats. Remember some fun things can even be free such as during the autumn acting like a big kid and kicking up piles of leaves.

30 is no age and far too young to start writing yourself off. Not all men are cheating weasels either. You need to go out and have some fun and start meeting new people.

Blindsided_2

Anything I read of Facebook I assume is a lie until I'm proven wrong, it's the go to place to brag and big up your life. The people really having fun and enjoying life are far too busy doing just that to post on borebook