Single, broke and feeling a little bit sad and lost...

happiness.v4

Hi MSE folk. Firstly I'm going to type and not really overanalyse too much as to what comes out. I'm quite an outgoing type so I've tended to bottle this up and not talk to anyone with how I really feel in the real world.

I'm single, 30 very soon. 2 years ago this weekend I found myself single. I thought I was going to marry the guy, instead I found out on Valentines Day that he had been cheating on me and had taken his new gf away on a holiday that I'd booked and paid for us to go on (what a charmer!). He was the stereotypical nice guy. I fell for him in a big way and had my heart broken and trust stamped all over. I can't say now I am completely over it or him (the cheating bit mainly as I'd never do that) and I wonder if I'll ever trust anyone.

Since then I gave myself time off boys, thrown myself into work and have done the dating thing (and picked up a fair few bad date stories). I also decided then would be a great time to buy my own place (albeit on shared ownership) and re-catch the travel bug. Having your own place and all the bills to yourself (after previously living with the parents) has been a steep learning curve but I love my own space. I babysit and take on random little jobs alongside my normal job to help the cashflow. I find that 75% of my salary goes on bills (which is gutting!) and my fun money has dropped dramatically so I don't do 'nice things' any more. (I'm also doing Slimming World in a bid to not be Fat and 30! so that helps the not eating out thing.)

I'm not desperate for children so I don't have that biological thing ticking away.(I'd prefer a dog. Or a horse if I'm honest which I understand is against the gender role. )...but I think I would like a man in my life. I just don't seem to have it emotionally in myself to fall for someone again. I'm in complete self preservation mode. I have had some good dates recently but I seem to be missing that illusive spark with the guys I meet.

I am surrounded by coupled up people (who find my bad date stories hilarious) and have a set of parents desperate for Grandkids. I keep telling them they can have a Grandpuppy but they think I'm joking.

In a nutshell:

-I am freaking out because I'm turning 30.
-I don't really have any big hobbies in my life (my main passion, horses got given up as horses and houses on my salary aren't conducive!)
-I used to have a really good family support network but my brother recently got a new girlfriend so unless she's away I don't hear from him. My parents have suddenly found God (I prefer Dinosaurs) so don't really want to know their atheist single spinster daughter, although I'm quite useful for dog sitting so they can go away;).
-I seem to be permanently broke because the house eats all my money, despite looking at all the ways possible to save pennies.
-Everyone else is coupling up and I am still moping about the one that broke my heart and going on bad dates and failing to find a click with a man.
-I don't seem to have a massive bunch of friends. You read magazines and Facebook and everyone has a massive bunch of friends, but I seem to have one or two good friends spread about the place.

I seem to be a little bit sad and stuck in a rut. I know I am lucky, I have my health but I just feel a bit lost. Does anyone have any suggestions? I've joined Meetup dot c o m in a bid to meet a few new people and have my first event tonight.... can anyone else suggest anything? Please?

Thank you in advance for anyone having the patience to read this. I'm not sure where I'm going with this! Are you?!

P.S And before you all kick off about me being a Newbie... I'm a long time lurker who is a real person - honest!

Jagraf

Just a quickie, you have a great sense of humour and although I'm not being at all helpful I enjoyed reading your post. You should write a book x

Baileysonice

happiness.v4 wrote: »

Hi MSE folk. Firstly I'm going to type and not really overanalyse too much as to what comes out. I'm quite an outgoing type so I've tended to bottle this up and not talk to anyone with how I really feel in the real world.

I'm single, 30 very soon. 2 years ago this weekend I found myself single. I thought I was going to marry the guy, instead I found out on Valentines Day that he had been cheating on me and had taken his new gf away on a holiday that I'd booked and paid for us to go on (what a charmer!). He was the stereotypical nice guy. I fell for him in a big way and had my heart broken and trust stamped all over. I can't say now I am completely over it or him (the cheating bit mainly as I'd never do that) and I wonder if I'll ever trust anyone.

Since then I gave myself time off boys, thrown myself into work and have done the dating thing (and picked up a fair few bad date stories). I also decided then would be a great time to buy my own place (albeit on shared ownership) and re-catch the travel bug. Having your own place and all the bills to yourself (after previously living with the parents) has been a steep learning curve but I love my own space. I babysit and take on random little jobs alongside my normal job to help the cashflow. I find that 75% of my salary goes on bills (which is gutting!) and my fun money has dropped dramatically so I don't do 'nice things' any more. (I'm also doing Slimming World in a bid to not be Fat and 30! so that helps the not eating out thing.)

I'm not desperate for children so I don't have that biological thing ticking away.(I'd prefer a dog. Or a horse if I'm honest which I understand is against the gender role. )...but I think I would like a man in my life. I just don't seem to have it emotionally in myself to fall for someone again. I'm in complete self preservation mode. I have had some good dates recently but I seem to be missing that illusive spark with the guys I meet.

I am surrounded by coupled up people (who find my bad date stories hilarious) and have a set of parents desperate for Grandkids. I keep telling them they can have a Grandpuppy but they think I'm joking.

In a nutshell:

-I am freaking out because I'm turning 30.
-I don't really have any big hobbies in my life (my main passion, horses got given up as horses and houses on my salary aren't conducive!)
-I used to have a really good family support network but my brother recently got a new girlfriend so unless she's away I don't hear from him. My parents have suddenly found God (I prefer Dinosaurs) so don't really want to know their atheist single spinster daughter, although I'm quite useful for dog sitting so they can go away;).
-I seem to be permanently broke because the house eats all my money, despite looking at all the ways possible to save pennies.
-Everyone else is coupling up and I am still moping about the one that broke my heart and going on bad dates and failing to find a click with a man.
-I don't seem to have a massive bunch of friends. You read magazines and Facebook and everyone has a massive bunch of friends, but I seem to have one or two good friends spread about the place.

I seem to be a little bit sad and stuck in a rut. I know I am lucky, I have my health but I just feel a bit lost. Does anyone have any suggestions? I've joined Meetup dot c o m in a bid to meet a few new people and have my first event tonight.... can anyone else suggest anything? Please?

Thank you in advance for anyone having the patience to read this. I'm not sure where I'm going with this! Are you?!

P.S And before you all kick off about me being a Newbie... I'm a long time lurker who is a real person - honest!

Sympathy for how you are feeling happiness but you have to admit thats one hell of a pity party you are doing to yourself.

30 is no age at all (I can vaguely remember that age ) so giving up at this stage is plain daft:)

Heres a thing why not do a post now with all the good things you have in your life and I bet there is lots. When you focus on whats wrong in your world thats all you can see so perhaps changing the focus to what you are glad to have in your world will change your perspective.

Set some goals that you can work towards not everything costs money:)

Could you perhaps offer to help out a local stables for free where of course you will meet a very rich man who will sweep you off your feet and bring loads of new friends into your life and all will be well. Or at the very least you will spending some time with horses (probably a better option to a bloke anyway )

Good luck and smile it always helps

Chlorine7

I'd be really interested in knowing how your meetup goes. I'm in a similar situation to you but I have passed the 30 mark and have been hoping for a reconciliation with my ex for the past year that didn't happen.

I've looked into meetup but I get worried that these are established groups therefore they already know each other and it would be like going to a party where you don't know anyone and they do.

Why_oh_why

Baileysonice wrote: »

Could you perhaps offer to help out a local stables for free where of course you will meet a very rich man who will sweep you off your feet and bring loads of new friends into your life and all will be well. Or at the very least you will spending some time with horses (probably a better option to a bloke anyway )

Good luck and smile it always helps

My immediate thought was seeing if there was a local stables to help out, you obviously have a better thought process than me and took it a step further

Bean83

To be honest your life sounds pretty normal to me - not everyone is swanning around with a billion friends and living it up! Facebook (or Bragbook as I like to call it) is just designed to make you feel bad about yourself. People always look like they've got much more interesting lives than you, but I promise you most of the time it's just an illusion!


Can you afford to have the odd riding lesson, maybe once a fortnight or something? Horses are great for making you feel better about yourself - they are very non-judgemental! My poor old horse has had to listen to nearly 10 years of my whining but he doesn't seem to mind, and I can guarantee things always look better when you're looking at the world through a horses' ears


Oh and one more thing - 30 is not old! Plenty of time to find a suitable man if you want to!

SailorSam

Very often we get Newies coming on here with long posts that you turn off before half way through, but yours was a really good post. And while i feel sad for you 'cos of all the problems you're having, it did make me smile.
It reminded me a bit of those kids history programmes that use to be on Tv, and the presenter would talk about the Romans building new roads and drains; buildings and a safer and healthy society etc etc . But then after listing to a long list someone would say ........ But what did the Romans ever do for us.
Despite getting kicked down you're still cheerful.

happiness.v4

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to comment (and read through that somewhat epic post!). Maybe I should just write down a pros and cons list. You guys have seen the cons list.... I guess I'm not all bad. There's always got to be the token random one in the group right who isn't on their first wedding (as I like to think of them nowadays)....

The stables idea is a good one... Around here we've only got the places where a lot of my friends keep their horses (and it costs around £800 to keep your horse on full livery p/m!), where I used to ride when I had money (ok, not heaps of money..just not a mortgage!). I must admit I'd stayed away because I couldn't afford to ride there any more.

I gave up my share in a horse about the same time I found out about the numpty ex boffing the dozy bint (as I like to think of her, I'm sure she's perfectly normal. for a skinny person.). If I'd have known I'd have kept the horse and ditched the bloke, but that's the wonder of hindsight.

Shall write myself a little note of why I'm not all that bad so that I can pull it out in times of desperation rather than resorting to a public forum full of very nice people

Thank you xx

happiness.v4

SailorSam wrote: »

Very often we get Newies coming on here with long posts that you turn off before half way through, but yours was a really good post. And while i feel sad for you 'cos of all the problems you're having, it did make me smile.
It reminded me a bit of those kids history programmes that use to be on Tv, and the presenter would talk about the Romans building new roads and drains; buildings and a safer and healthy society etc etc . But then after listing to a long list someone would say ........ But what did the Romans ever do for us.

Despite getting kicked down you're still cheerful.

Thanks SailorSam! Yup - maintaining a sense of humour has been invaluable. Thank you for your kind words.

Izadora

It sounds like you're already taking the right steps (good luck with the meet up tonight) to get yourself out of a rut - not that I think your life sounds like you're stuck in a rut but, if you do, then you're doing what you need to to change things.

Please, as other people have said, don't place too much importance on what you see on Facebook. I can't remember the exact quote but it's something along the lines of "We're miserable because we compare our bloopers with everyone else's edited showreel".

There's nothing wrong with either being single or being 30 and it's a much better combination than being 30 and married to a lying, cheating scumbag.

I remember when I was approaching 30 (more years ago now than I care to think of...) and I very nearly had a complete meltdown at the fact that my life was nowhere near where I'd expected it to be by that point. You come across as being lovely so, if the note telling you why you're alright fails, I'm sure you'll always be able to get random people on here to remind you.

Mojisola

Is there a local Riding for the Disabled group? You get to be around horses and help other people and meet nice people (who may be willing to give you a chance to ride occasionally yourself).