Would you lend money to a close family member?

treacle12

Hi.
I am sorry that you are in such a difficult predicament. My heart goes out to you. Remember just because your situation is dire now, doesn't mean it won't change in the future. We used to be very hard up but are now financially secure. I think if your Mum can afford to lend/ give you money to help you out then you should talk to her. One of my daughter's, is financial difficulty at the moment and we are giving her rent money each month. I wouldn't have it any other way. She doesn't want to be dependent on us but has no alternative in the short term. It's a good idea to talk to an estate agent and perhaps your mortgage lender if you would consider renting out your property. Be proactive, clean and make good as much as you are able. Then go onto a website such as freecycle where you can get things that people no longer want for free, such as paint, furniture etc Good luck and God bless you. x

Pollycat

Does your Mum even have the money available to lend to you?

Are you the only one?
If you have brothers/sisters it may be a harder decision for your Mum if she wants to be fair to all her children.

TBH, reading the situation you are in, it doesn't sound like a safe risk for anyone to take.
Can your mum afford to lose any money she lends to you?

Many years ago, I was asked by one of my siblings to lend them some money.
I declined and in time my decision was shown to be the right one.

I actually offered to lend some money to another sibling.
I am pretty sure it will be paid back in the timescale we agreed but if not, I can afford to write the money off.

FBaby

We have two choices as far as we can see, ask my mum to lend us some money so we can sort the mold/damp problem out, decorate the house, buy furniture etc then sell the house

How much are you look to spend and therefore borrow (and why furniture?). The problem is that if you invest £10K say, but only manage to sell the house for £80K, then how will you repay your mum? On that basis, no I wouldn't loan the money in these circumstances. What I would do is ask to borrow just enough to sort out the best of the damp and pay for a survey to show the house doesn't have a serious damp problem. I would then look at the small things you can do yourself (tidy, re-arrange furniture, some painting etc...). Do have the heating a few hours before people come in.

Advice read here is that any property will sell at the right price. I understand that you don't want to go under £80K as don't want to be in negative equity, but if you are not going to sell above this, you need to consider if you'd still be better off long term with that loss rather than the debts you will accumulate by not selling.

Buzzybee90

I wouldn't think twice about lending money to my parents or sibling, though I doubt they'd ever need my help! I trust them implicitly so it really depends as I would think the same when thinking of other family members.

silvercar

You do have other options.

Why not secure a private rental and then hand the keys back to your mortgage lender? They will sell the property and eventually come chasing you for the shortfall. But they will give you time to get back on your feet and at least it means in the mean time you are living in a decent home with heating. Living in a damp and cold environment for 6 years is miserable.

BJV

I was thinking / talking about you to my OH last night and we both agreed talk to your mum. We are all proud to some extent but I would feel that I had failed in my relationship with my daughter if my she felt as though she could not or did not ask me and was living in these conditions. They are not only physically but mentally harmful. Lack of heat, mould etc.


I know that things look bad now and believe me we have all had tough times, but you will get through. Can not say how but you will. You just have to battle through. Talk to her and take positive steps. Just baby steps at first but they all mount up. A little really can go a long way and it will be easier for you to get a job if you are safe and secure at home.


I do not have a lot but I would give everything and more for my children and I am sure that your mum will be the same. Op I really do hope that you manage to get help and this works out for you. Think it is so sad that in 2015 there are people who can not heat or feed themselves. This is not a 3rd world country this is the Uk where we are supposed to be civilized and instead we are allowing our population to live like this. This is not pity, promise instead it is disappointment that you have been left like this when there are so many people taking the mick! to put it politely and abusing the system and instead genuine cases are being left.


Good look OP and call her NOW!

Pollycat

BJV wrote: »

Think it is so sad that in 2015 there are people who can not heat or feed themselves. This is not a 3rd world country this is the Uk where we are supposed to be civilized and instead we are allowing our population to live like this.

This got me thinking.

Perhaps the OP should check that they are getting all the benefits they are entitled to.

Benefits checker here:
http://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou?gclid=CNWhguGYicMCFYgIwwodp50Ayg

mchifs

Update:

Talked to my mum on the phone and she was shocked at the extent of how we are living and she went a bit mad with me because I should have told her. She asked for an estimate of what it would cost overall for everything, she said she could not lend us that amount but she will give us £1000 to hopefully make a start on getting the damp/mold sorted out/buy heating oil, and we could give it back when we can.

Husband talked to his boss this morning telling him we couldn't survive on the hours he is on and he was looking for a second job or a job with more hours and his boss has given him an extra two days per week at work starting next month.

Thank you all for the kindness and advice, it is appreciated.

Pollycat

Positive news, mchifs.

Are you sure you're getting all the benefits you're entitled to?

Primrose

That's two good pieces of news which should hopefully help you turn a corner.

On a practical point, how are you drying your laundry, especially in this winter weather? With no heating in the house, this could be contributing to the mould problem and perhaps making it worse. If you get some mild dry days try and get as much ventilation going through the house as possible, and also dry to cut down the amount of laundry too so that any indoor drying process is minimised.