Would you lend money to a close family member?

mchifs

Things seem to go from bad to worse for us over the last 6 years. We went from a couple who both worked full time, no debt at all, to both losing our jobs within months of each other and spending just over a year on JSA, then both finding part time jobs, me losing mine to redundency, my partner lost his, and now he is working 12 hours per week and I am currently unemployed again.

Both of our credit scores are now terrible, we keep getting letters from the bank about our mortgage, the bills are mounting up and we can barely afford food never mind anything else.

Because we have been so cash strapped we have not been able to afford to buy heating oil for our house for a few years so the house has had no heat at all for years, we are now suffering mold all over the bathroom walls and ceiling, the paint is bubbling off and its just pure black everywhere, it also came into both our bedroom and the spare room as well and we cannot afford to fix it so are living in a damp mold infested house which stinks.

We did try to sell the house a few years ago before the mold problems came along but no matter how much we dropped the price we got no interest at all, also, because of the last 6 years of having no money we haven't been maintaining the house as well as we should have and now it needs things doing to it, such as painting, new furniture because of the mold, carpets etc.

We can no longer afford to live here, can no longer afford the mortgage as well as all the other bills on the wage my partner is on and I am no closer to finding work at the moment.

We have two choices as far as we can see, ask my mum to lend us some money so we can sort the mold/damp problem out, decorate the house, buy furniture etc then sell the house and move into something smaller/more affordable and try and get back on our feet, pay my mum back using the money from the house sale, only problem here is if the house doesn't sell again, or the other option go bankrupt.

My partner hates that option and will not even think about it, I don't really think we have a choice, I am sick of living like this and don't see another way out right now unless a job comes along in the next few weeks.

I have never lent money off anyone in my life, would you lend money to a family member in this situation? or can you suggest other ways we may not be thinking about to get back on our feet?

Jagraf

I have borrowed from my parents in the past and paid them back.

I would want to know if my daughter had problems and would be eager to help out in any possible way.

Xx

lika_86

I would lend money to a family member if I thought they really needed it and it would help them. However, in your situation there is no guarantee it will actually help. You may still not be able to sell the house and money will be essentially 'thrown down the drain'.

I think you should see an estate agent, work out a proper value for the house and then see what they advise you price it at in order to sell and hopefully give you a bit of money to start again somewhere smaller.

Are you claiming all the help you can at the moment?

Primrose

No i wouldn,t ask a parent to borrow money. There is a large risk in this case you may never be able to repay it and part of being an adult is that however hard your circumstances you accept responsibility for them and try to find your own way out of the problem.

What I suggest you do is go to Citizens Advice Bureau and get some debt and financial advice on how best to proceed. There may be more detailed advice for you on the Debt section of this forum. If you then decide on a course of action there is no reason why you cannot share your proposed action plan with your family. If at that point there is any sign of willingness on their part to help you financially that is rsther a different matter. But I still think yiunshould try and tske responsibility for your own position even if it was caused though no fault of your own, if only to retain your self respect, which is clearly an issue from your husband's point of view.

But please don't sit back and regard your mother as an option or the first point of call. You may not know her financial position and if there is a risk of bankruptcy involved she could end up losing every penny she loans you. It's unfair to risk dragging other family members down with your sinking ship, however tempting the family loan option may appear.

Clive_Woody

What happens if the house does not sell, can your mum afford to pay off this loan and never be repaid by you? How would this affect her quality of life?

Sorry to be blunt but your mum needs to assume that she will never see this money again (and if she does it's a bonus) and she needs to plan accordingly.

If you are behind on mortgage payments then you may end up doing the house up then the mortgage lender reposes it. How much equity is there in the house (i.e. if you sold it at a knock down price how much would be left once you repaid the mortgage+late payment penalties and all other fees - solicitors, estate agents, etc)?

Shen81

Never lend money to anyone. Money is the route cause of many disputes. They may be family, but they can still decide to not pay you back.

Claire_A87

I'm sorry for sidetracking slightly from the issue of borrowing from family but thought I could offer some advice regarding the mould - my OH and I lived in a very poorly ventilated and badly converted flat a few years ago; no matter how many windows we opened (for as long as we could stand in winter), black mould grew and white mould spores developed.

When it came to moving we knew the letting agency wouldn't have any of it if we blamed the mould on the obvious building issues (which we'd previously reported), so we tried cillit bang and I swear it was like a miracle spray. It got rid of both black and white mould, and barely left a mark.

Sorry, I know it seems irrelevent, but living in and around mould can be really dangerous, and it doesn't seem you're going anywhere in the near future.

For what it's worth, if I was really desperate and I knew they had considerable savings, I would consider asking parents for help.

AngelOfTheNorth

It sounds like you're asking whether we'd borrow from family in your situation, not lend to them? If I were you, yes I'd probably want to ask your mother, and I think if one of my children were in your shoes I'd try and help if I could.

BUT...

it sounds like your finances are such that I wouldn't necessarily get the money back. So I would only be able to lend you the money if I could do without it. If your mum doesn't fall into that category, it may not be fair to ask. I agree with Clive that your mum would need to be planning never to see any loan again, and treat it as a bonus if she gets repaid.

BJV

First so sorry you have had such a tough time. It is easy for me to say but you have to remain positive. It will be easier for you to get a job if you are in the right frame of mind. ( sorry again I know it is easy for me to say).


I would normally say no to family member e.g brother or sister uncle etc but mum absolutely. I would be devastated if I knew my daughter was living this this. Just borrow exactly enough and do the minimum. You will be amazed what a lick of paint can do. Furniture well ebay is fab especially at this time of year when everyone is getting rid of stuff and taking advantage of sales. There are some really bargains so it wont cost the earth.


100% speak to your mum.

marleyboy

I never lend money to anyone, it leads to rifts and fall outs when it turns into a debt. However, were I made aware that a close member of my family was in that much dire straits, I would much prefer to give them what I could, with no expectations of getting it back.

robotrobo

marleyboy wrote: »

I never lend money to anyone, it leads to rifts and fall outs when it turns into a debt. However, were I made aware that a close member of my family was in that much dire straits, I would much prefer to give them what I could, with no expectations of getting it back.

well said marley, im the grandaddy of all my family & i reasonably know whats going on even though im not to nosey
& i would not have let you get in to that difficulty , you might have to sell the property & i might lose a bit of money, but eh ho ! family first thankyou , just for the record im not a easy touch , but in the back of my mind i have some in reserve just in case one loses a job or becomes ill,
And just for the record im glad im not related to some of the hard posts!