Would you lend money to a close family member?

Mojisola

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

If you've got a sure-fire way of paying it back then fine.
If it's a gamble on you selling the house then no. Unless I could afford to see it as a gift rather than a loan and was happy to.

Generally speaking, spending money on a house to sell it doesn't help you that much.
The people buying the house could spend out what you are thinking of spending themselves with the same outcome. Yes it is more hassle for them, but they end up with things how they want it.

So why not take the cost of the work off the value of the house with the work done and sell for that price?

I would lend money to family members but only if it would help their situation.

In this case, I would tell them the same as Jimmy and offer to help them with moving, new housing costs, etc.

scooby088

Never again once bitten and all that

sulphate

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I would give my last to my daughter (21 this year,) if she was struggling, even if I had to go without myself! And I think there is no shame in asking parents for help, even if you're a grown-up yourself!

My daughter has struggled a bit at uni, and we chuck the odd 50 to 75 quid into her account every 3 weeks or so if we can, which she has not asked for, but for which she has been very grateful, as it has helped her of a few holes, and meant she has a bit less to worry about.

Your parents must only lend you the money, if they have the money however, and if they can afford to lose it, because you may not be able to give it back.

I would never let anyone have money that I desperately needed, in case I didn't get it back, but if I could afford to lose it then I would let them have it, and if I got it back, it would be a bonus.

Do ask your parents OP. There is no shame in it. It's through circumstances that you're in the mess you're in. Not your fault.

I agree, particularly with the suggestion that OP's mum should only lend the money if they can afford to lose it. However, it sounds like the amount of money they need to get the house up to standard is quite a substantial figure. I do wonder, therefore, if OP's mum has the money and willingness to help financially, why she hasn't offered before?

It sounds like she couldn't afford to lose it if OP and partner were unable to pay it back. Either that or she just isn't aware of the situation for some reason.

I appreciate all families are different but I know that (only if they could afford it) my family would have offered to help before this point.

mchifs

Thanks for the replies, We have a bit to think about.

We don't live anywhere close to my mum, she has been here once in the last 6 years, we usually go and visit her/stay for xmas/visits etc that way we get to spend time with all my family who all live close to each other.

My mum knows we are struggling with money, but she does not know the full extent of it all, I really don't like to bother people with my problems as I know people have their own stuff to worry about.

I would love to let the house go tomorrow if I could but who would buy it in this condition? We couldn't sell it when it was in great condition so I'm thinking the mold/damp etc would put a lot of people off. Will most people not see it and walk away?

We still owe 80k on the mortgage, when it was up for sale we had it up for 100k, dropped it to 95k, then again to 90k, then again to 85k and finally 80k and there was no interest at all. (Had a lot of different estate agents out at the time who told us what to price it so we just went with what they said)

GwylimT

If you were my child I would make sure you had heating if I could affford it but I certainly wouldn't expect the money back.

pollypenny

I would give you the money if I could and help with decorating in order to sell.

Yes, purchasers want to put their own stamp on a house, but it has to look clean and fresh to attract buyers.

SailorSam

I have lent money, and lots of it, and we were all happy families until i started to ask for things back. So now thousands of pounds worse off and with little if any family contact, it's a case of if only i knew then what i know now.
Never ever again.

Peter333

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I would give my last to my daughter (21 this year,) if she was struggling, even if I had to go without myself! And I think there is no shame in asking parents for help, even if you're a grown-up yourself!

My daughter has struggled a bit at uni, and we chuck the odd 50 to 75 quid into her account every 3 weeks or so if we can, which she has not asked for, but for which she has been very grateful, as it has helped her of a few holes, and meant she has a bit less to worry about.

Your parents must only lend you the money, if they have the money however, and if they can afford to lose it, because you may not be able to give it back.

I would never let anyone have money that I desperately needed, in case I didn't get it back, but if I could afford to lose it then I would let them have it, and if I got it back, it would be a bonus.

Do ask your parents OP. There is no shame in it. It's through circumstances that you're in the mess you're in. Not your fault.

sulphate wrote: »

I agree, particularly with the suggestion that OP's mum should only lend the money if they can afford to lose it. However, it sounds like the amount of money they need to get the house up to standard is quite a substantial figure. I do wonder, therefore, if OP's mum has the money and willingness to help financially, why she hasn't offered before?

It sounds like she couldn't afford to lose it if OP and partner were unable to pay it back. Either that or she just isn't aware of the situation for some reason.

I appreciate all families are different but I know that (only if they could afford it) my family would have offered to help before this point.

Also agree with the above. I don't think anyone should lend anyone any money that they cannot afford to lose. I think if someone lent someone money, and they could afford to lose it, it would be annoying if they didn't get it back, but they could move on and never lend that person money again. But if they needed it back, and didn't get it; it would cause a huge rift. Look at the amount of people we see on Judge Rinder, Judge Judy, Jeremy Kyle etc, (and similar programmes,) who fall out over money borrowed, (and owed.)

I know a chap whose wife lent her aunt £2500 (out of £3300 redundancy money she got,) to get a second hand car back in 2003, as the bank wouldn't lend it to her. She was meant to pay her back at £250 a month for 10 months. The aunt only paid £500 back, then lost her job and struggled to get a new one for a few months. She did eventually, (4 months later,) but the aunt didn't resume payments, as she said the 4 months of being out of work had messed her up financially.

My friend's wife's mother said she was 'mean and spiteful' to expect the money back! What on earth would the aunt have done if it has been the bank who lent her the money? She would've had to pay the instalments then!! The mother died 3 years later, and my friend's wife has not spoken to her aunt since, and is disgusted that she kept two thousand pounds of her money. Not once did she ever offer it back.

I remember the old saying from Days of Yore: Never a lender or borrower be.

All that said ... to the OP: I also think it's OK for a parent to lend a child money as long as they can afford to lose it if you can't give it back, and you aren't going to spend it on rubbish or something pointless.

theoretica

Do you have a large Lidl near you? They have various mould treatment paints etc as this week's deal! Which won't cure everything, but would probably help the blackness with a fair amount of elbow grease.

Gloomendoom

Peter333 wrote: »

I remember the old saying from Says of Yore: Never a lender or borrower be.

If nobody lent or borrowed any money, the modern world would grind to a halt.