Racial comments at school - how to handle it

TheEquilibrium

well it's happened again!

The previous incident has blown over and there has been no trouble with the child concerned since. So maybe ignoring it worked.

But now son has been involved in a bit of name-calling with another child. Not very nice and possibly faults on both sides. However friends of this child have taken to social networks (which of course they are all too young to be members of) to say bad stuff - and this time some of it is racial in nature. the school hauled my son in about the name calling and told them all off. This time I thought that I needed to get involved and contacted the school who thought they had sorted it out and 'cleared the air'.

I was pleasant and said I wanted to work with them on what had gone on. I was however firm that whilst the affair between the two lads might have been 50/50, when others joined in it could be considered bullying, and I suggested the school might also like to think about the need to give some wider education about racial language, and the re-education of the particular individual who posted to social networks. I made a point of using the exact words (in case they didn't know).

We have drawn a line under the matter for the moment however two separate incidents in a few weeks has caused me concern and I am glad that I have now 'put down a marker' in case of future incidents.

As the 'white' parent I am quite disappointed that This still goes on in schools. Is this just isolated or do other kids get subjected to this? And do the incidents decrease as the kids grow up?

MothballsWallet

lulu_92 wrote: »

I had a handful of racist comments throughout my school life and I wish that the school had done more about it.

As someone else has said, that's truly awful.

lulu_92 wrote: »

Then again, these are the same people who made a website dedicated to how they hate me and how I should be dead. The school did nothing about that either.

Maybe the bullies' parents were best buddies with the school staff?

But that [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] will be the cynic in me talking.

supermassive

Call me devil's advocate, but it's JUST bullying.

Yes, it's sad to see your kids go through it, but all kids get it from time to time. Some more often than others. Kids pinpoint a certain attribute that a person has and target it as a receiver of hate and abuse.

I was bullied for being fat, I was bullied for being gay, for wearing glasses, for having screwy teeth, for being shy etc etc. I got fed up of telling people who couldn't do anything about it and in the end just learned to fight fire with fire. Sometimes you have to do it.

The fact of the matter is, though, that these racist children will soon find out that attitudes like that don't cut it in society, and they'll be the ones isolated.

DUTR

TheEquilibrium wrote: »

well it's happened again!

The previous incident has blown over and there has been no trouble with the child concerned since. So maybe ignoring it worked.

But now son has been involved in a bit of name-calling with another child. Not very nice and possibly faults on both sides. However friends of this child have taken to social networks (which of course they are all too young to be members of) to say bad stuff - and this time some of it is racial in nature. the school hauled my son in about the name calling and told them all off. This time I thought that I needed to get involved and contacted the school who thought they had sorted it out and 'cleared the air'.

I was pleasant and said I wanted to work with them on what had gone on. I was however firm that whilst the affair between the two lads might have been 50/50, when others joined in it could be considered bullying, and I suggested the school might also like to think about the need to give some wider education about racial language, and the re-education of the particular individual who posted to social networks. I made a point of using the exact words (in case they didn't know).

We have drawn a line under the matter for the moment however two separate incidents in a few weeks has caused me concern and I am glad that I have now 'put down a marker' in case of future incidents.

As the 'white' parent I am quite disappointed that This still goes on in schools. Is this just isolated or do other kids get subjected to this? And do the incidents decrease as the kids grow up?

It decreases with the incidents to the victim, but continues for new candidates with new commenters.

pollypenny

I think you've handled the issue very well, Equibrium.

You've raised a marker, as you said. However, it is true that kids do 'indulge' in name-calling and it's always the most distinctive asset on which they pick., ginger, fat, four-eyes etc.

SuzieSue

supermassive wrote: »

just learned to fight fire with fire. Sometimes you have to do it.

Get him enrolled in a karate class. Bullies are just cowards, they will soon stop picking on him when they know he can defend himself.

lulu_92

MothballsWallet wrote: »

As someone else has said, that's truly awful.


Maybe the bullies' parents were best buddies with the school staff?

But that [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] will be the cynic in me talking.

Yeah it was rubbish. Which is why I didn't go to the school reunion last week.

Haha it could well have been that! Although I would guess and say it was because the majority of senior staff at my school were so incapable of doing anything about bullying as a general. I was one of those "let's put her in isolation with all the troublemakers to take her out of the situation"


Nice to see an update, OP. Fingers crossed the incidents stop.

TheEquilibrium

Oh dear. Sorry to report that it hasn't really stopped. Different children this time and very low level childish stuff 'You are going to give us Ebola', 'You are a member of ISIS'.

with the exception of one piece of vile racism the rest of what has happened could be passed off as childish name calling I Wouldn't make a big deal of any one incident but I do worry about the cumulative effect it will have on my sons confidence, in exactly the same way as someone who is repeatedly teased for being fat, or ugly, or stupid, or red haired.

I think my issue is not just trying to stop this happening but to equip son with a strategy to deal with being teased, and help him avoid feeling like a victim. That seems much more difficult.

SuzieSue

TheEquilibrium wrote: »

I think my issue is not just trying to stop this happening but to equip son with a strategy to deal with being teased, and help him avoid feeling like a victim. That seems much more difficult.

It isn't difficult. Enroll him in a karate class tomorrow. He will be able to defend himself and will also learn self control. At the moment he feels helpless, karate will give him the confidence to defend himself.

atolaas

I completely disagree with you. You need to make a big deal about this so that the children know that their behaviour is not acceptable. They can't be allowed to believe that judging others by the colour of their skin is acceptable as it isn't. If we don't try and change other people's attitudes to race and colour they will NEVER change!!!