Racial comments at school - how to handle it

TheEquilibrium

It was inevitable really

Son reports that a kid at school is being mean to him. When queried says lad calls him "That Indian xxxxx"

Son is 11, and mixed race, other kid and parent is known to us and they were at primary together but never friends.

School is 'good community type' white suburban.

Indian parent says just ignore it, he's just trying to wind you up and will get fed up of it if you don't react. If it starts to bother you or gets worse tell us again and we'll contact the school.

Son doesn't want school contacted, and Indian parent is afraid if it is reported physical violence may ensue and it may all escalate.

White parent kind of agrees but thinks maybe if you let people get away with this stuff it is bad for the school community, may show son as weak (and prompt more nasty stuff). Think it would be good to offer son some alternate strategies to use in this situation if ignoring it doesn't work.
1. Maybe - Tell kid you don't like it and could he stop?
2. Get mutual friend to say much the same to Kid?
3. Tell Kid you don't like it could he stop and if he doesn't kid will tell parents/report to teacher.

Or should we say to son. "We are the adults we'll sort it" and

4 Have a quiet word with parents
5. Have a quiet word with school

I should stress I don't want to blow this up out of proportion as son doesn't appear to be in any distress over it and I recognise that in the scheme of things it's small beer. I think though this will be the first of many and would like the three of us to have a strategy. By the way son is quite capable of saying mean stuff (though not racist) but he is not a fighter.

Has anyone any experience of this kind of stuff?

SailorSam

Difficult one.
I don't think i'd want to leave it, if the kid has said something once he'll say it again and then others will join in. Depending upon what the parents are like an approach to them may be better before making a big issue out of it by going to the school.
Unfortunately it's always going to happen, in life it's not just children.

meritaten

I don't think its 'small beer' - in the real world racist comments are not tolerated. in fact they are 'illegal'. So why should a child be expected to ignore them?
the school need to know this is going on. its happening on THIER premises so its their duty to deal with it.
I wouldn't approach parents directly - where do you think the child has got his 'attitude' from?
I would request a meeting with class teacher first. she/he may be unaware of the situation.

TBeckett100

You can be philosophical and invite the White kid round to sample Indian hospitality or ask the parent to have a word with their own child. I appear to have missed that as an option. Usually when a kid misbehaves the parent is told and hopefully the issue is resolved at home, usually with Xbox confiscated

itsanne

Assuming it's the same in England as in Scotland, any racial incident, including name-calling, in schools is treated very seriously. It should be dealt with in a way which doesn't lead to escalation, but I can understand the Indian parent's concerns. The trouble with that, though, is that it is not acting which allows bullying to persist and it's easier to deal with the problem before it becomes a more serious (in terms of the impact on your son) one. It's difficult when your son doesn't want you to say anything, but I think you need to let the school know (though you can do that quietly).

Better_Days

I don't think approaching the parents is a good idea unless you know them well. Some parents will support their children's behaviour whatever they do, or deny that their little darling could ever say/do such a thing. All you will have done is aggravated the situation.

An alternative may be to approach the school and ask them what they have in the way of 'diversity' education and request that the class involved have a 'top up session' (no names no pack drill) It is the school's responsibility to create an environment where bullying and taunts of this nature are unacceptable.

heartbreak_star

Definitely agree with a quiet word with the school.

HBS x

CRANKY40

Good advice that I was give from a teacher friend is that "if it happens in school it stays in school" which means approach school in this case and let them deal with it. Maybe ask for a softly softly approach at first of that is what suits you as in general reminders all round that bullying/racism is not tolerated but by all means mention it as if it escalates you have a point from which to take it further.

GwylimT

If the school is in england or wales any racisr incidents known to the school must be reported to county hall by the head of school immediately.

It entirely depends on what your child is comfortable with as well, my son was once called a ch*nky yellow w*nker, he just replied with I'm not Chinese, he had no further problems and so he chose not to report it to a teacher.

bouicca21

Quiet word with school. I remember an incident when mine were at primary school. Racist bullying of my daughter's friend. The school were horrified and intervened but friend's mother simply said 'she'll have to learn to deal with it'. Maybe that sort of acceptance of the reality of racism influences the Indian parent here? I think learning to accept amounts to a form of condoning. The child has to learn to fight his own battles, but he also needs to know that it's not just him against the racists and that others are on his side.

fivetide

Controversial here but this sounds more like the other kid is simply a bully. The fact his victim happens to be Indian is just the trait they are picking up on.


It wouldn't be any different if it was "That Fat XXXX" or "That Speccy XXXX" or even "That Ginger XXXX"


However, bullying is serious. If it is affecting your son then the school needs to deal with it and should have procedures in place to deal with bullying.


If your son isn't that bothered, has a good group of friends and thinks this is fuss over nothing then, if you trust his judgement, I would be tempted to go with it initially. Keep an eye though and maybe get a copy of the school's bullying policy to talk over with him in case it progresses. The quiet word mentioned above might be a good one too so the school keep an eye out but don't act at this stage.