The KonMarie method

short_bird

Bless my friends for finding stuff like this: is anyone questioning the end of December celebrations yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYA-emYS51U&feature=youtu.be

mothershipton

Very moving stories. Hugs to all. DH has issues with hoarding especially books as during a difficult childhood they were his comfort. We have argued about the amount and why he needs them still when we have had a stable relationship. He is training to be a counsellor and has to have counselling himself . I have put my foot down and insisted all the books need to fit on the shelves so he is having a sort out at the moment. There doesn't seem to be much change but 10 books have been culled. I spent today culling photos of scenery my parents took and now have all their photos in one large box. I am going to try and get all the stuff to the charity shop this week.

mavvymoo

Oh what tangled webs.............. no wonder some of us have isshews, to put it mildly. Yep thats dead right GQ Your poor Mum its just tragic.:( Thats why we all have to tread very carefully when attempting to help others.Until you have walked in someone elses shoes and all that.

But we all have reasons as to why we do the things we do or 'collect' the things we collect.Why somethings are easy to let go and others very very hard.

When my Mum was in a nursing home I went in one day and she was wearing somebody elses cardigan.I remember going mad at the staff as Mum always had to wear anyones clothes when she was young as there was 6 girls in the family and you wore what ever was given to you. She told me she used to hide the clothes she liked under her bed But when it was washed and dried who ever got to the best things first wore them ! So I knew she would have hated wearing someone elses cardigan.It was also a pale Baby Pink and Mum never wore pastels she was always wore Bright Strong colours.

But the good thing was I never saw Mum wearing anyone else clothes again after my outburst :rotfl:and I still love Marrow Fat Peas :rotfl:

Mav x

loopychriss

Loving reading the stories of the parents, explains a lot about mine. Both 90, house isn't too cluttered but there's a lot of things that are kept just in case. I have tried to gently suggest that they could lose a few things that are never used, but my dad won't part with anything. He practically told me that when they'd gone I could do what I liked with it all as it wouldn't be his problem!


Running a bit behind with Mins Game, Day 6 - 25 items

1. Book from hubby for charity shop
2. Metal lantern thingy
3. Magazine - recycling
4. Bag of rings from curtain pole
5. Plastic paint palette
6 - 25 Twenty items of china that I have collected since moving in June!

I had the idea that I would like to collect vintage china and glass to display in my cabin when I got it. So I went a bit mad over the summer buying at boot sales and charity shops. All of it gave me joy and it wasn't going to clutter the house because it would live in the cabin down the garden. Having looked through it though some of it doesn't spark as much joy as it did, so these I have let go. Only gone through one cupboard full as yet, so there is more to come! Why oh why do I buy it when I know I will declutter it a few months later....?

Minimise-to-Maximise

Sad stories that really make you think. I always ask my kids before I kondo their stuff but perhaps I'm a little over-encouraging sometimes. Will try and stop too much new stuff coming in for them but chill out about the mountains of stuff they already have.

dragonette

Such sad trauma, it's very easy to see how some can become overwhelmed with stuff - both specific and general.

I know there was some trauma in my family, and I'm very grateful to my mum for breaking the cycle. As did her eldest sister, but the middle one, well. I can't say how much is inherited trauma and how much twisting in her own life. But it's very clear to see the difference in my generation.

Largely I'm not kondoing through space necessity or major hoarding issues but from needing to simplify everything due to illness. The less energy or memory I need to find clothes, have relaxing spaces, clear areas to grab for balance is all energy I need to be able to eat, get to the bathroom and generally live independently. Trying to do so while in a hoard is a terrifying thought to me.

As I've said my ex is a hoarder, through childhood trauma. Trauma that led to us splitting us. His flat was never our flat, I could never see my own things amongst the mass. It's left me with a slight horror of what could be dirty or mouldering if there are piles of things. It distresses me to see him live like that. Yet I know the comfort blanket aspect is helpful to him. When we visit we make sure there is some clean crockery, wipe down the table and ignore the rest.

The thought of how recently people had nothing, truly and literally nothing, makes me incredibly grateful for my life. A carp chronic disease or healthy but a destitute childhood with all the trauma, I'm very lucky. I have had some trauma in life (will post in white text as it can be triggering) but am so so lucky to have worked through it to a point where I am aware of its effects and how to control them. I have had the luxury of time to do that, which you cannot do if you are struggling to get by.

I was sexually abused as a child. By a family member, thankfully not an immediate family member. That I can am aware of and can control the triggering and dissociation from this is mostly down to how loved and cared about my childhood was otherwise. I am very lucky.

It has left me with some things - I hate being in medium sized rooms, or places where someone could be close but you can't see them until they are too close. I suspect this is why living with my ex and the hoarding was so stressful for me, though I didn't know it at the time.

I hope this hasn't been triggering for for anyone, I am deeply sorry if it has been

oceanspirit

Thank you all for sharing your parents' stories. GQ, now we know your mum's background, I am all the more proud of her for allowing so much to leave her home in recent weeks. Not at all easy for her or for you either making sure you're going at the right pace and removing just the right amount of things.

A gentle day here and I am proud to announce the results of mins day 7 ...

1 book
1 pair gloves which had belonged to my grandfather - not sure at all why I was keeping them
1 order of service for funeral
1 bag of five damaged pump spray handles
3 audio cassettes

Days 8 and 9 will be late as going to visit friends and rellies overnight tomorrow so hope to be back at it on Tuesday.

Minimise-to-Maximise

Hugs to dragonette

PollyWollyDoodle

Mavvy that reminds me of going to the nursing home where my father had just died. He was sharing a room, and my brother and I cleared out his cupboard and bedside cabinet. We offered his toiletries to the staff for other patients, and bundled up his stuff. As we walked down the corridor I glanced into the day room and saw the chap who shared his room, wearing my dad's cardigan! Fortunately I found this highly amusing, but had it been my sister instead of me she'd have been very upset.

We all have history which has brought us to where we are today. I know in the past I've bought too many clothes to make up for the times when I was teased at school for always wearing second-hand things. But I stopped doing that quite a few years ago, although I probably still have too much even after the first wardrobe Kondo. I've learned to respect what brought me here, while not allowing it to define my future.

Just need to apply that to the history which I wear round my waistline! :rotfl:

dragonette

Polly I think you are perfectly correct, aware of the effects but not letting them control you is the solution.

M-M thank you, don't worry about me too much. I'm pretty well in control of it now