Opinions please..

bubblycrazy

Hi, I know this is only a small snippet of someone's life but what would be your opinion on a man who says he 'bends over backwards' to help me do what I want to do.
What he means is he didn't say no when I wanted to do things such as volunteer 2 mornings a week and have music lessons once a week. He hasn't done anything except not stop me and looks after our son while i'm out. It's like he views not stopping me as doing me a favour. Is he?

We have a young child and he moans that he might as well be a full time dad, but he doesn't work, and the hours I am out of the house, including hobbies and work, is about 16 hours a week.

I would have no issues with him going out anywhere but he doesn't seem to want to and likes us to spend all our time together.

Just looking for some unbiased opinions on this.

TBeckett100

I would suggest there is a power struggle.

A man typically is the breadwinner and does not view childminding as fun (this is biological). The fact he isn't working is probably depressing for him and you are being seen to have a life outside of you and him which is also upsetting him

A man loses self worth when he can't be the main provider and to see you leaving him behind may be the cause of the resentment that is building.

All your OH appears to have going for him is the immediate family hence why there is a little friction and the odd comment. You being away, albeit for 16 hours is nibbling away at it.

In a balanced view, it is healthy for you both to have interests and time away. However, not all parties to a marriage have this view.

The immediate solution would be to have some quality time together (alone) to add reassurance. Heated debate may only serve at this point in time to isolate him and make him more unhappy which in turn will further exacerbate the situation

thorsoak

Do either of you work - full-time or part-time?

mumpig

One of my pet hates the "sorry I carn't come for a drink/meal/whatever my partner won't let me"
This is just the opposite.
My partner lets me go out 3 times a week-and even looks after his own child when he lets me out!

meer53

Why doesn't he work ? He sounds very controlling.

paddy's_mum

bubblycrazy wrote: »

he views not stopping me as doing me a favour.


I would have no issues with him going out anywhere but he doesn't seem to want to and likes us to spend all our time together

I think I would very quickly find this attitude utterly suffocating!

I believe it to be far from healthy...for any of you.

NewShadow

thorsoak wrote: »

Do either of you work - full-time or part-time?

From the OP:

"...volunteer 2 mornings a week and have music lessons once a week...the hours I am out of the house, including hobbies and work, is about 16 hours a week."

So I'd guess work is one day (or maybe 10 hours?) a week.

EDIT: but thinking about it, the work could be voluntary.

trolleyrun

He thinks he's doing you a favour by looking after his own child? Wow...
If he doesn't like it, I'd suggest he gets a job to pay for child care whilst you are out.

Tropez

Sounds like he feels under-appreciated, possibly trapped, and is having a moan.

Morglin

bubblycrazy wrote: »

Hi, I know this is only a small snippet of someone's life but what would be your opinion on a man who says he 'bends over backwards' to help me do what I want to do.
What he means is he didn't say no when I wanted to do things such as volunteer 2 mornings a week and have music lessons once a week. He hasn't done anything except not stop me and looks after our son while i'm out. It's like he views not stopping me as doing me a favour. Is he?

We have a young child and he moans that he might as well be a full time dad, but he doesn't work, and the hours I am out of the house, including hobbies and work, is about 16 hours a week.

I would have no issues with him going out anywhere but he doesn't seem to want to and likes us to spend all our time together.

Just looking for some unbiased opinions on this.

Does it matter if he is doing you a favour or not?

You are doing what you want to do. :think:

Perhaps he's feeling a bit undermined, being unemployed, and just likes to feel he is helping you?

Lin

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd think that is somebody in need of a job of his own.

Or you could take him up on the offer and he could be a full time dad whilst you work and have some degree of existence outside the home.


It's not healthy to be together 24/7.