Opinions please..

FBaby

You say he is ill and can't work as a result, could he be resentful of your health and the freedom that comes with it? If he is the one looking after your child most of the time, how much an impact on his health is this having?

hawk30

TBeckett100 wrote: »

As for the breadwinner debate, you'll find that most men are the breadwinner as we don't have the ability to take a year off. Women can better cope and have greater patience than people with dangly bits

Not in this house. DH has infinite more patience than I have and I'm very grateful that's he's the SAHP and not me.

And men currently have the right to take approx 7 months off to care for their child (which mine did) and this right is being extended in April. So the maternity leave/breadwinner argument doesn't stand up either.

Kynthia

TBeckett100 wrote: »

As for the breadwinner debate, you'll find that most men are the breadwinner as we don't have the ability to take a year off. Women can better cope and have greater patience than people with dangly bits

My OH has more patience than me so can we not continue these stereotypes as they don't help anyone. It seems like you want to excuse men for not being as good at childcare and I know a lot of men that wouldn't thank you for that. Plus how does being able to take maternity leave mean you can't be the breadwinner? I earn more than my OH and am on maternity leave. Not all employers only pay SMP, people save, most people don't take a whole year off and you can pass your additional maternity leave onto the father.

pollypenny

I wonder if the husband is depressed. And if the OP listens to him, and just stays at home, she'll end up depressed too.

Everyone needs interaction with others.

bubblycrazy

Thanks for everyone's views, I feel better just writing things down somewhere.


orangeslimes - He has a few friends who he keeps in touch with by phone, but only one who he visits, they don't socialize much together except for the local market a few times a month.

Armorica - He is a great cook and does most of our meals and he is brilliant with his son. Not sure if this is enough?

FBaby - I would say it doesn't impact his health too much, to be honest he is a bit of a hypochondriac (many different ailments but seems to forget about one when he's complaining about another one.) None are physical disabilities.

pollypenny - Yes I'd say he suffers with depression, but he doesn't seem to want to change anything. And I agree, just the thought of following his way of life makes me feel down.

-taff

I can't see how sharing responsibility for looking after the child is bending over backwards.
If he's long term sick with no reason not to look after the child, then he's merely fulfilling some of his parental duties.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh bless, the poor dear has to take care of his own child for a few hours a week. Quick, give him a medal.


Sounds like he's realised his control is slipping and is stepping up his game to try and bring you back to heel.

1. Don't fall for it. If you stay in, he 'wins' at your expense. It's not healthy.

2. If you don't give up your work to placate him, don't be surprised if a new baby is his next big idea after a bit of a charm offensive.


Wanting to do something for yourself is perfectly normal behaviour, whilst wanting to spend 24 hours a day together certainly isn't.

TopQuark

TBeckett100 wrote: »

A man loses self worth when he can't be the main provider and to see you leaving him behind may be the cause of the resentment that is building.

What a crock of utter sh!te. Your fragile ego might not be able to cope with your wife earning more than you, but many men aren't similarly confined to such caveman thinking.


My husband has in no way 'lost his self worth' because my 6-figures are bigger than his. On the contrary, the last thing he wants as a highly educated person, is some vacuous little wifey to keep.


To the OP, your OH sounds to me like he's either a touch depressed and thus should seek a solution to this, or otherwise swinging the lead and thus you should seek a solution by getting rid.

TBeckett100

Pop into a coffee shop at 11am on any day and you won't find a gaggle of dads...

Go into a shopping centre on a week day and apart from unemployed men (usually wearing grey jogging pants and no underwear), you'll find the yummy mummies

Is that enough sweeping generalisation?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Pop into a coffee shop at 11am on any day and you won't find a gaggle of dads...

Go into a shopping centre on a week day and apart from unemployed men (usually wearing grey jogging pants and no underwear), you'll find the yummy mummies

Is that enough sweeping generalisation?

What the devil are you talking about?