Help with partner...

happybunny86

I've got into a really good place with my finances. They can be a bit up and down but on the whole I'm doing so much better than I was. My partner is another story.

Before we moved in together he lived at home and kept saying he would do a budget when we moved in together as it didn't really matter before. I disagreed as I didn't understand how he would know what he could afford to spend when we looked to rent.n

Now we live together he still doesn't have a budget and very much lives hand to mouth. He gets paid weekly so the week our rent comes out he has no money as it all goes in the rent. This means he quite often owes me money for food and other bits. The bills all come out of his account so at least that ones sorted.

I've tried asking him to do a budget but I fear I'm now at the stage of nagging. I earn more than him so he seems to think that's why I have a bit more but I do spend much wiser. He doesn't believe he can afford to go in holiday next year which is disappointing for me as I have no one else to go with!! I really think budgeting would transform his life.

Does anyone have any experience with this?

Barneysmom

Sorry but I can't believe you agreed to move in with him while he has such an immature attitude towards money.
That being said, you're in this together now so I'd be inclined to write out a joint budget and make sure he sees it and takes it in.
Once he sees how sensible and necessary it is he might come to his senses.
Good luck.

Puddylove

My ex was like this.
He saw himself as Mr Generous as he'd throw money around in the two weeks after (monthly) payday, buying himself and everyone gadgets, etc.
By contrast, I'd have to save my money for the inevitable last two weeks, to bail him out for things like car tax, bills, food.
My best advice would be to keep your money your own - don't bail him out - it doesn't work.

kerri_gt

If you're living jointly then you really do need to agree an amount to cover your joint living expenses. Yes, if you earn more then that might be you put more in than he does but that seems fair enough.

Can you perhaps start with a bit of reverse psychology, and suggest he gives you x amount each week as you don't like seeing him with no money come rent payment week?

I don't quite get the bit where you say he owes you money for food, don't you go shopping together or eat some of the same things? If he pays all the other bills (water, energy, council tax, Internet?) plus part of the rent then it does seem he's putting in more than you may be.

Dobbibill

Hi Happybunny,

Well done on getting yourself to a good place with your finances. I see from your signature you are almost there :T

Have you thought about doing a joint budget to come out of a different account in your own name so he contributes every week. Include holiday savings in the budget as well as the other things like groceries, fuel or whatever your household budget includes. This will then give him a budget by asking him to pay £X amount to the bills account weekly. He may well appreciate not being skint that one week in the month and will get used to having the same amount of spending money every week.

I know how you feel as my OH does not like a budget and is quite happy to let me sort everything out, so pays the same amount over every month when he is paid and knows the rest is his. This doesn't work for everyone but works for us.

Hope this helps

DB

happybunny86

We currently split everything in half. I work quite far away so when you take that into account I probably earn £7k more than him.

I'd be happy to pay more towards rent and bills than he does but he has the manly attitude of we should go halves.

I generally do the weekly shop because I enjoy doing it and I love cooking so I do most of it. Plus if he comes with me we spend more therefor it usually goes on my card and we settle up when I get home. There are weeks when he does it if I'm busy at work and it works the other way.

We don't have a joint account because of my previous debt issues I didn't want to tar him with my credit history. We do halve the bills they just come out of his account. I transfer him they money for all my bills at the start of the month and he transfers his on a week by week basis. It's an account he doesn't use for anything else but our bills. I just meant I never lend him the money for the bills.

happybunny86

Dobbibill wrote: »

Well done on getting yourself to a good place with your finances. I see from your signature you are almost there :T

DB

Thanks come down from £10k over the past 3 years which is probably not much to some but I've been living on my own so rather large outgoings! I'm really proud to be honest and don't want partner to fall through the same gap. I'd also like to start saving for a house this year and don't want to fund the whole deposit myself ;)

Dobbibill wrote: »

Have you thought about doing a joint budget to come out of a different account in your own name so he contributes every week. Include holiday savings in the budget as well as the other things like groceries, fuel or whatever your household budget includes. This will then give him a budget by asking him to pay £X amount to the bills account weekly. He may well appreciate not being skint that one week in the month and will get used to having the same amount of spending money

DB

This is a brilliant idea... Not sure why I hadn't thought of it before. I can set up a ynab account for the bills account too and we can both just put extra in it each week. I can use the suggestion of it's easier for me

Dobbibill

I find including savings into the bills budget is so easy as you forget your doing it, it just becomes a set amount each week/month. Mine is transferred to other pots such Christmas or EF but some people leave it in the one account. There's no right or wrong for this, just what suits you both. YNAB has brilliant reviews on here so that would keep it all in ship-shape if left in the bills account.
If you position it right to OH, as in 'easier for you' it will sound less like a lecture about budgeting and more like a good old common sense idea to suit you both.

Good luck

DB

nearlyrich

We are both good with money but we have a separate joint account we just use for the bills, we redo the budget around end of March when we get the council tax bill. I don't suggest a joint account for you two just yet but an account paid into by both of you to cover all the outgoings including the average food shop if you like would probably work well.

TakeAwayKing_2

Just one point from me. I'd be careful of him saying he can't afford a holiday next year and that he knows you have no one else to go with.
Sounds like you might end up paying for the two of you so you get to go away, and he gets a free holiday.
I have known that to happen before

happybunny86

TakeAwayKing wrote: »

Just one point from me. I'd be careful of him saying he can't afford a holiday next year and that he knows you have no one else to go with.
Sounds like you might end up paying for the two of you so you get to go away, and he gets a free holiday.
I have known that to happen before

He'd rather not go than have me pay for it he's too proud. He never owes me vast amounts of money it just annoys me that he fritters it and will blow £150 on a night out rather than save that cash for a holiday or have to borrow £30 off me for the groceries for the week while he gets back straight again. He earns enough miney he just doesn't use it wisely or know where it goes!!

Going to suggest incorporating more in to the bills account tomorrow