Make do, Mend and Minimise in 2015

janb5

My sadness is at the moment because my second son does not communicate at all with me. I have already lost my eldest son who was killed in a car accident in 2004 so this feels like a double whammy.

I now have given up lying to people who ask how my grandchildren are and I now tell them that I haven't seen them since last September.

My youngest son thinks we will be reconciled but the awful thing is that I dont trust him ( 2nd son) any more with my feelings.

Why am I writing all this? Well the comments about losing a friend struck a chord with me. I too have lost friends but nothing compares to this. When I tell people about it, I can see that odd expression in their eyes which says...she must be really awful if her son doesn't see her!

I can just about persuade my friends to tell me about their grandchildren which they don't want to do because they think it will upset me. It does but I cant be that selfish not to appreciate the pleasure that they get from their children and grandchildren.

Please dont judge me and I am not trying to hijack the thread.

Bubblesmum

Janb5 wanted to send you loads of hugs tonight... Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for others actions.

I hope that you both will be able to reach out to each other soon x

vhalla1478

Jan, no one will judge you here, I'm sure; we have no right to do so- love and hugs from me as well; it's very brave of you to talk about it.

Thinking of you.

Viv xx

nursemaggie

Janb I too have the same problem but it is not just me it is the rest of the family too.

Lynplatinum

Wow - isnt it interesting - many of us seem to have had the 'unexplained let down by friend' experience!!! This might sound selfish but Im glad its not just me. I have had it happen once before and it hurts so much - even if someone says they dont want to talk to you again - if at least you know why, then its not so bad. For example, a friend of some 15 years (shared an office for 4 of them - helped her through her break up with partner - encouraged her to get her degree by reading all her work before submission etc etc) stopped answering my Fbook messages and txts and e-mails suggesting we meet up. Even though I had moved on from job we still met once or twice a month. Apparently I had not shown sufficient sympathy on Fbook to her Dad's death. I was on there every night - pming till 2 am if she needed it. However I was not public about it - which, it seems, is what matters! 2 years later - she will comment if I post to her timeline but no meeting up Possibly a generational thing as she is 17 years younger than me. A great shame.

Thank you all for your support - someone's signature says somat like -'if you loan someone £20 and never see them again then the price was worth it.' Sad but true!! But on here you folks are so kind and thoughtful - its a happy and friendly place to be just before bedtime!! :T

JanB - I have two sons I love deeply who no longer live at home - aged 28 and 31. Both have had partners I didnt like and sets of friends I considered were using them. I turned out to be correct each time BUT keeping my mouth shut at the time was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life!! whatever the reason for your estrangement from your son - I really feel for you. You are not hijacking the thread - you are contributing to the conversation - very bravely!

MM&M - well sent off for to change me power company!! And a Exper!an extra charges claim (bless Martin and his minions!!). Appart from that have had a pamper day - reading/filling nails/ painting nails/long bath (some nails now need redoing :rotfl: ) yummy HM grub but not too high in calories. Found I WANTED to do some tidying and filing and washing up and clothes washing to 'de-clutter' my mind by getting these chores out of the way. Feel far more relaxed now!

Also feel better looking at all me NSDs for April (16/30) + how much I had managed to put into the bank for April - really cheered me up and thats thanks to the inspiration on this thread!! :A

Will be more MM&M tomorrow as its another day off! :j Hope you all have good MM&M days too!!

janb5

My son has two children , one of whom has a severe disability and is in a wheelchair. Without exaggerating I have tried to support them every way I could + fundraising etc. I only got to see them once a week for an hour at a time, Last year I asked whether I could see them maybe at a weekend occasionally. I didnt get a response.

The same weekend my other son visited and when I found out, I sent an angry text I would have preferred face to face contact and even a row rather than stony silence.

I have seen him once when he reluctantly came to pick up the Easter eggs and stayed for 3 minutes.

I got a birthday card from the children but not from my son and his partner. They didnt come to visit me when I had major surgery before Christmas.

My other son has been in contact and seems to think he will come to see me. I did send another txt inviting contact 3 weeks ago to which he responded but I did say I wanted my other son to be there when we meet.

It has gone on so long now that I just feel numb.

nursemaggie

Having read my post afterwards I am not sure it reads right. I mean my oldest son, my eldest is a girl, does not speak to his brother or sister either.

I do still get birthday and Christmas cards but no visits and no communication in between. I have only see my grandchildren about once every two or three years and then my son and his partner act as if they only saw us a few hours ago.

Skintoap

Good morning! Lovely sunny day here, such a contrast to yesterday. So sad to see that so many people have unexplained estrangements in their family and friendships. In my case the problems arose from our mother and younger sister deliberately playing everyone off against each other and it took several years before we all realised what was happening. Things have improved, but we'll never really be close again. People can be so complicated, and it seems to me that it is often the nicest people who get used and then discarded.

I hope that Janb5 and Nurse Maggie don't think anyone here will judge them and I hope that things sort themselves out.

Not much MM&Ming today, but will sort out all my paperwork and have a good shred tomorrow. The compost bin will benefit from a bit of paper in it.

Reading through all the earlier posts, I've seen that I'm not the only one who never learnt to crochet. You have all inspired me, and I've set myself the challenge of learning. (When the sock wool is used up, there's loads of part balls of DK to practise with).

Enjoy the Bank Holiday.

camelot1001

JanB I do sympathise and know exactly how you feel. I haven't seen my DS1 for a year or so and didn't see him for a year before that. He has a GF who is nuts and wanted to split up the family and she has succeeded.

She was very friendly with us to start with but has been nasty to my DD and myself so I wont entertain her. DS1 can make his own decisions but it's a shame, I've only seen my granddaughter twice when she was first born and she will be 4 this year.

Anyway, I will be sorting out some more in the garden today if the rain stays away, had friends for dinner last night so that kind of blew the budget a bit but was very enjoyable.

Enjoy your bank holiday day off if you have one.

silvasava

Jan - huge hugs. Although I miss my friend its nothing like being estranged from your son. Its doubly hard when you don't know their reasons.