Living richly; simply and debt-freely

Cheery_Daff

Hello lovely Greying :hello:

So very much in that post :kisses3: I can almost see your brain whirring round and round and round. I have no experience in child rearing myself, as you know, so you may well feel I have no place to comment but, well, people comment on all kinds of things they have no business commenting on and no knowledge of every single day, and as a Person Who Lives In The Same World As The Next Generation I am going to comment anyway

Of what you said, this in particular struck me...

Greying_Pilgrim wrote: »

But all this is chicken feed, it's ignoring the elephants in the room. Greying Towers being unsuitable to bring a child up in longer term - due to circumstances beyond our control; raising BG to experience as much in life as we can expose them too, without financially crippling ourselves ; instilling some of our values and morals in BG without making them the 'odd kid out'

Somebody told me the other day that the secret to raising kids was to never do anything that made them stand out........ Whilst I see exactly what they meant, I don't know how I am going to manage that one.

I do apologise if this was a friend of yours, but what absolute NONSENSE. I DO understand about bullying etc - but saying 'don't let your kids stand out else they might get bullied' is, to me at least, like saying 'don't wear short skirts else you might get attacked' to a woman - putting the blame on the victim and doing nothing to stop the perpetrator. There will always be some children who bully others, and it might supposedly be because they have the wrong shoes, or hair colour, or speak differently, or whatever - but it is ALWAYS the fault of the bully.

I don't think I'm expressing myself very well Sorry You can't do everything to protect a child in this world, and I think it's SO important that they grow up to have a good understanding of family, morals, and kindness to other people. It doesn't matter what they wear, or eat. Yes, they (and you) might have to grit your teeth and do some patient explaining to ignorant people - but do you want your child's life to be dictated by the person who shouts the loudest or has the coolest trainers in the playground?

I'm sorry I realise I might come across as a deluded non-parent (and have been called such things in the past). I only wish my circumstances had allowed me to have children of my own so I could at least try to put my principles into action, however hard that might have been, but, well, circumstances have not and will not allow so there we are.

Find your tribe Greying. I'm sure you know some of them already People who will accept you and Baby Greying for who you are, who will support your choices for them and yourself (even if they don't make the same choices themselves). Read about them on the internet if you can't find them in your own town. Don't give up on yourself and your values to try to fit in with someone else's ideals of what you *should* be doing, because someone else will ALWAYS have a different opinion of what you *should* be doing (and, after all, there are a million GOOD ways to raise a child).

Have you read the Notes from the Frugal Trenches blog? I only mention it because I've been reading it for a while - it's a lady who moved from England to Canada, and adopted two children with special needs. She's just recovering from cancer herself, her children (one in particular) have lots of medical issues, she has very little money - and she is brilliant at finding small things to be grateful for, and giving the children a good life and making them know they are loved. In some ways she reminds me of you

I'm sorry, I'm going on - I wish I could have a cup of tea and give you a hug and tell you all this in person, I really do. You are good enough as you are - and you WILL make the right choices for you and Baby Greying (although I'm sure there will be times along the way when it will feel like you haven't, or it will feel hard to go against the tide). Stand firm lass. You are a GOOD PERSON and Baby Greying will be happy and strong. Who cares if they never eat a sausage?? I haven't eaten one for 20 years, and it's nobody's business but my own.

People will ALWAYS judge parents, whatever they do. Write down your values, what you want for Baby Greying and your family, and when you need to make a decision, make reference to those.

xxxxx

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Goodness Cheery! What an outstandingly supportive post!

I agree entirely with your train of thought. Entirely.

It wasn't a friend who mentioned about the 'not standing out'. It was just someone who has met me several times since I've had Baby Greying, got kids of their own, likes to hold the floor......... I can see their point of view, but deep down I don't actually agree with it. But, like every other parent that has gone before me, I don't want the guilt of being the one who gets it wrong. But parental guilt is part of the package, so I'd better get over meself

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

Find your tribe Greying.

Yes, this is it - this ^ is what I need to do. And increasingly what I know is lacking.

I should know better than to listen to 'advice' given in passing - you're right, we've already heard a load, 'they're teething', 'they're hungry', 'they'll be left handed', 'they'll be right handed', 'they babble too much', 'they're very quiet'...... and on and on and on.

Mmmm, mucho, mucho to ponder on. Thank you Cheery - just what I needed to hear and cogitate on.

And I've not read 'Frugal Trenches' for eons - she was still here? (although did she work away/abroad?) No children and hadn't been diagnosed with cancer when I last read. I didn't actually know that the blog was still going.

Thanks Cheery.

Greying XX

hex2

For me the veggie thing is carry on providing your clearly lovely veggie food at home and let BG eat what they want elsewhere. Nursery and school free lunches might be enough to put them off meat anyway.

Greying_Pilgrim

hex2 wrote: »

For me the veggie thing is carry on providing your clearly lovely veggie food at home and let BG eat what they want elsewhere. Nursery and school free lunches might be enough to put them off meat anyway.

hex2 - hadn't thought of it like that. Good idea though. Although even when I was at primary school, the 'meat' very often as not was soya. I remember a dish that was basically 'mince 'n gravy on toast' (actually, I'm pretty sure the bread was fried :eek:), which was soya, because the then head cook of the primary school was up in arms about the 'abandonement of real food'. :rotfl: cor, the 'good' old days eh?

Greying X

mrsinvisible

Yes, Greying, your little Greylet is one very lucky little honcho. Parents who care and love and appreciate, and work on, and have plans b-z if a can't work. Proper, home cooked, balanced, fresh and varied foods, appreciation of nature and her magnificent gifts, patience, tolerance, and so many other qualities, well done and well doing you both.

Verbatim

Well said Mrs I and Cheery Daff.
One of my very best friends gave me an excellent piece of advice for avoiding aggro with teenage children. But I'll save that for another decade.

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning :hello:

Ahhm Verbatim, the teenage years....... don't they kick in just after the Terrible Two's which start at about 6 months nowadays.......... :rotfl:

mrsinvisible - that is what I hope for Baby Greying more than anything in the world, that we can open their eyes to all the possibilities of the world, and then let them fly - try to catch them if they fall (or at least offer a softened landing) and then encourage them to fly some more.

I was saddened, and yet heartened (which is going to sound daft, unless you read to the end of this paragraph), to read Secret Saving Squirrel's post over on MFW about how friends/acquaintances had reacted to their new status of easing into retirement. As SSS points out, they have not done anything that anyone else couldn't do - if they wanted to, enough. I was saddened that SSS had to face this, after all, she and her OH have put in the hard work, it hasn't been handed to them on a plate. I was heartened that it 'isn't just me', - People DO seem to have an opinion on just about everything and anything - and seem to feel the need to express it to you - whether it is appropriate or not. SSS's circumstances are different to ours here at Greying Towers, but the result is the same, people make you feel like crap because you're not doing the same as them........

We heard recently about someone who we used to hang around with - long time ago, pre their settling down, getting married, having kids etc. They are bemoaning their financial lot, as their mortgage has a shortfall. Not, in the grand scheme of things, a huge amount, but, if you haven't got it to hand, well then the amount of zeros is immaterial isn't it? Anyway, it happens that they took out an endowment mortgage all those years ago, when they were the rage. Hence the shortfall. The thing that we are unable to understand, is how they didn't realise that this day was going to come. How long have letters been coming from mortgage providers warning of shortfalls? 5, 10, 15 years? Had they saved even a very modest amount, per week, when the first letter landed on their doormat, they would have the shortfall by now. But they chose a different path. And now it is the world's fault that they are having to forgo their nice holiday this year and possibly next....... Hope they don't go to any dinner parties/ barbies and sit next to anyone who has paid off their mortgage by taking a different path through life........

We went off out adventurising yesterday It was our most fullest on day - but Baby Greying took it in their stride and behaved impeccably. We went to a natty trusty place. There was an exhibition on that i wanted to see. But our day was very full as we did that, toured the estate, saw a display of local craft and visited another exhibition that we didn't actually know was there (a permanent exhbition of the 20th century use of the property). It was nice that plenty of people were using the catering facilites - of which there were several venues - but also there were plenty of people that had brought pack ups of their own. Tupp3rware box after tupp3rware box emerging from bags; foil wrapped parcels and flasks carefully placed out on picnic tables and blankets alike I had upped my provender game a little bit for yesterday's lunch I made some veggie 'sausage' rolls on Saturday, using a roll of the puff pastry - 3 for £1 from h3ron foods - that I got some while ago and froze. I made my usual filling, using red kidney beans and anything else to hand really - these had grated carrots in them, and dried (soaked and drained) cranberries. I topped them with yoghurt (to aid browning) and sesame and nigella seeds. Picture here;



We had these, some egg mayo sangers, a bag of crisps and a slice of HM cake. coffee was from a flask and water from the tap in a metal bottle. I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of providing for picnics - more fruit for a start! :eek: But i am ever so glad that this summer we have, at times, just taken a sandwich for a walk - being with BG has been what has been important.

Saturday night's tea wasn't curry :eek:

I had been gifted a load of runner beans and a [STRIKE]minor marrow[/STRIKE] courgette that I wanted to make best use of. So instead I made a recipe that I have not made before Cypriot Turlu, which incorporated both ingredients. i have a recipe for Turlu Turlu from the moro cookbook, but hadn't heard of turlu. It was good, and I would make it again. Pleasant use of runner beans and courgettes and a dish that can stand being served warm or hot I would have thought. As it was, the weather closed in and we appreciated eating stew.... in summer :rotfl: I served it with brown rice, some yoghurt and a sprinkle of sumac. Picture here;



I'm starting to get back into the swing of cooking frugal dishes. Shopping is still something of a problem, but it can only get better. DH has agreed that we need to restart our 'planning' meetings, not only to ensure that chores are kept along with, but also to make the most of our time with Baby Greying.

As I said, I don't know whether a new diary would help. I like the title and sentiment of this one! Perhaps I should combine my 2 diaries - 'Rich & simple life is the key - for us 3' :rotfl: However, I do know that I am starting to feel a little bit more on an even keel with household frugality & simplicity. Grocery spending is back under control, we're eating better and making progress on Greying Towers (albeit at a 1 person pace).

Right, I best shift a tail feather. After trying to 'help' with typing and tidying (?) of the desk, Baby Greying has fallen asleep in my arms.

CAPITALISE! :rotfl:

Ta for popping in and supporting me. It is immensely helpful to work through things with your viewpoints and thoughts.

Greying X

joeyjimbles

Once Baby G is a little older shopping will get easier, and then when they are older again (toddling) it will get harder again - but it all passes. I would suggest that organisation is probably key though I didn't manage it very well with either of mine - did help that I lived in the metropolis at the time with excellent turkish, asian and eastern european shops and markets around which I miss desperately these days.
I doubt that you will starve knowing your cleverness with food.

greenbee

... and when they are 4 or 5 it will be even easier - I took my niece to the supermarket on Saturday morning as no one else was awake, she was bored, and I didn't really want to leave her unsupervised. She was VERY helpful!

amber03

Totally agree with you Greying re: endowment mortgages, many moons ago we like most people took out an endowment until it became apparent that most mortgages wouldn't be paid off due to shortfalls, so we immediately changed to a repayment and just before I was fifty we paid off our mortgage and its a great feeling. My in laws carried on with theirs and at the end had a shortfall of £6000 so had to take a loan out to pay it off. I have no sympathy with anybody who comes a cropper with this as it was well documented what would happen.


Keep up the good work Greying.xx