getting over this hill

judi24

Hi Dansmam you do seem a bit better at the moment - I used to always like to have a survival plan shout the SHTF - even now I have one just in case I should decide that management is not my thing and I want to turn into an aging hippy story teller!!! It does remind you that you always have a choice and maybe that focuses you on not making that choice and in effect working a bit harder with the situation! (just my ramblings!!!)


I would do as Chevalier suggests and show OH the snowball calculator showing how much interest you are paying while paying him off! Maybe he will see that paying your debt carrying interest would be a sensible approach

Dansmam

Hi Chev and Judi thanks for dropping by.
The flaw in the plan is that I'm pretty practiced in not paying interest to the loathsome ones. I pay the odd 100/150 to shuffle but because I have a decent income and a lengthy borrowing history :eek: I make sure I have a spare card at all times to shuffle on to at 0% for a decent length of time. So for the past year he'd just not be convinced I needed helping out for a few £100. Also I promised not to `do it again`. In my head that was `not get to a point where I can't cover min payments and need to remortgage`(because remortgage is how I survived on my own with 3 kids. Needs must. Remember when you could remortgage few questions asked?), but in his head it's more I promised I'd `not borrow`. So I really really want to get rid without asking for help. Which comes down to making every penny I have a prisoner and leaving him free to spend what he wants to. We're not great at working as a couple in case thats not apparent here - when money was equal my philosophy was fine - mine yours, yours mine, but he got lucky while I got stuffed by pay freezes (thanks you austerity mongering coalition lovelies) and I have lost the moral high ground. Or rather I still have it but...:rotfl:
DM

judi24

Its a tough situation - and only you knows how money works in your relationship - I was in a similar situation where my ex had money in shares and a higher salary and paid for nothing in my house as it was my house so why should he! It drove me mad but in the end it was definitely for the best as when we split I didn't owe him anything - but at any point he could have wiped my debt out but didn't!


Its a funny thing - money and relationships! I guess the ideal of what's mine is yours is just that - idealistic especially if you have kids from previous relationships and equity etc!


You obviously know what you need to do to make it work for you

Dansmam

Thanks Judi. I know, I just have to do it. And reclaim the territory that makes me me
Can't believe how I've come to be dancing to another person's tune. Have a plan to get back to dancing how I used to. Happy dancing days - watch this space:T
DM

judi24

I guess my concern in your last post is about you not being able to be you! and Dancing to his tune! - sorry but I recognise so much of myself in that post!!! and honestly your own tune is better and you need to be you!

Dansmam

Yep. That is the plan. Thanks Judi. I've made a fair few mistakes and they include ignoring people who tell me what I can and can't do. Stopping that now. Will keep posting. I'm tough when I get going and have faith in myself but am a bit disconnected due to years of abandoning the true me. Got it now
DM

moneyonmymindsam

How are you getting on my lovely ? Thinking of you and wishing you good thoughts

themarsbargirl

Hey lovely, just come across your diary, How are you getting on with enveloping (physical or virtual) and making every penny a prisoner?

SarahPennySaver

Hi, just wanted to say thanks for stopping by on my diary. Looks like you have a pretty difficulty and stressful situation going on so hope that things are improving and you are getting time to dance.
Sarah

chevalier

Waves hi mate, how is it going. Hope you are doing ok. How about an update?
chev