getting over this hill

Dansmam

Ooh seriously sleepless night worrying the f******* word might be banned on here. Really, I did - didn't nod off till about 2. Have I offended? Then work took my mind off that particular worry for several frankly fully unproductive hours, bar an entertaining discussion when we realised we might be about to get Boris AND Salmond AND Farrage in parliament all at once (and what fun would that be - would all be on freeview so no need for sky). Cleaners kicked us out so went to Mr T for dog food and bar supplies for (not my) party and money was spent that need not have been and I promise myself I will get the frightening details on here tomorrow to keep myself on track. Till then we have gu puddings and a bottle of fizz. Which we do not need, but too late now - I will be so much a better person next year. I will, I will...

chevalier

One of the classic phrases on this site is baby steps. You ccan't start doing the debt free marathon at a full run, you have to take baby steps first and then build up from there. There will also be a (hopefully few) stumbles and falls at the start before you get into your stride.

The main thing is that you are not alone. Can you ask your OH for support? Even if he won't help you pay back the debt? Is if he knows that you want to change your spending habits maybe he can suggest things to help?

Good luck
chev

Dansmam

Thanks Chev, exactly what I needed to hear while I tackle some VERY old habits. And here I'm talking 3 decades plus a bit. In fact I think I overspent in term 1 at uni and I don't remember ever getting round to clearing that overdraft without borrowing from somewhere else. Kids now independent and telling me the banks are not our friends. Brought them up well then - so that's a job well done at least. Now they can pay their own way it's time for me to pay mine! Jobs to do, back later
DM

chevalier

Good luck with moving forwards. Old habits will take a bit of time to shake, but the main thing is to keep thinking before you buy. Maybe even not buy anything, without putting it back and giving yourself 24 hours before you go and buy it. That way the thrill of buying something won't be there, and if you do go back to get it, I bet about a third of the time you will think ugh that is horrible won't buy it, a third of the time it will be I am sure that I have seen this a better price somewhere else (because you will have used the 24 hour cool down period, just to check you really can't get it cheaper anywhere else of course ), and a third of the time you will still buy it. Good luck
chev

Dansmam

Thanks Chev, I am realising that my biggest battle will be to stay out of the supermarkets. In recent days I've been back 3x including yesterday when DS3 was staying over after a work shift, asked for a lift `home` to his flat and I suggested a morries stop enroute to get basic supplies. The story here is that he had several years of barely moving out of his room due to various life calamities and he's well, happy, studying and with a lovely GF now and I would kill to keep it that way. And he's juggling little jobs, nothing reliable, so not exactly rolling in it. Anyway, pork in cider GF was keen on oookng so pork and cider was got. At least it'll have fed all 4 in the flat:rotfl:
Receipt says £35.39 so other things were got. He will not starve if he sticks to tuna pasta the rest of the week.
Had the house to myself this afternoon so did soa and then discovered I need cut and paste to post it on here. No idea where that would be on a kindle. Anyone?!
Have read a fair few diaries on here and as I've sorted through I've realised how very lucky I've been and how I've thrown away so many chances to sort this and be debt free. Must make this push and be rid. Meanwhile though I am so thankful for good things in my life. Mainly the dear dog, it's true, but seriously OH has had a lot of financial good luck that's kept us out of the mire. We live in a lovely place where you can walk for hours without spending. Or decide to go in the opposite direction and spend every penny you've got...
On the debt free front...
I've got the details pulled together think I'll just type them out. Figures are at 1 Jan. The banks - did I mention they're not our friends - don't exactly make it easy to find out the basics, do they? Had to go on the big pc to open b##card statement before i could see an interest rate :mad:
Here we go-
Household
Adults 2
Children 0 (not permanent ones anyway - see above - occasionally any number up to 5. All hungry)
Cars 2 (both OHs - he covers all costs except fuel, and I get the day to day use of the fuel guzzling one that's so well built it won't die - realise I am doomed now to have it break down - probably tomorrow 8 am at a guess...)
Income £3130 (just mine - OH manages his)
Outgoings. We manage most things through a joint account, each put in £500/month. This is the healthiest account I have or have ever had. We overpay every month and balance is just over £7k. Positive balance Yay, go me (ok, OH and me)...probably not actually down to me :eek::embarrassed.
I've not noted anything that doesn't come out of my account - usual domestic stuff is covered out of my contribution to the joint account. This includes emergency fund, provided the emergency is a joint one.
Other outgoings
Mobile £5
Groceries £300
Clothing 30
Petrol 130
Other travel (tollto get to work) 40
Other child related 260. DS3 rent - see above
Presents 30
Haircuts 20
Entertainment 20
Balances
My current account £300 - this is in credit but not for long
Ok the bad bits (these are all mine). Balance, min, int
T#b loan 4624, 400, 6.9 (12 months to go)
T#b card 6082, 122, 29.44 (3k on 0%)
BCard1 5308, 105, 26.9 (4k on 0% till end April 15)
Bcard 2 5305, 80, 17.9 (just out of 0%)
Sainsbury 6946, 157, 17.95 (all 0% till end June 15)
Hfx 4693, 50, 21.95 (0% till April 17 :T)
And £68k owed to OH for mortgage, repaying at 1,000/month. No interest on this.
Soa has cleared itself now but I made a note it said £778.50 available to clear debts and £52.70 after min payment.
I have lied about the groceries. And the entertainment. And the holidays...
The worst news is I make my total debt now £1386 higher than this time last year. And I had it down to £29k for three months last spring.
Must focus all year the way I did then
DM

chevalier

Sorry I know this is obvious, but you could do your SOA on the big pc and then cut and paste onto here, and save faffing about with the kindle....

The next thing is to find the snowball calculator on this site, and put in those figures, and interest rates and it will tell you the best way to repay them, such that you minimise interest.

Yeah to there being a postive balance after debt repaying. However this is only a Yeah, if you are being HONEST. Perhaps you need to do that SOA on the big PC.....:).

Do you and other half earn the same money? Do you put in the same contribution? If he earns more than you, then maybe the money into the joint account should be pro rata. Eg if you both earned 10000 a year, but he earned 6k and your earned 4k, then his share would be 60% and yours would be 40%.

Whilst I understand this is your debt and you want to pay it off, that T#b card with the 29.44% interest, would your OH pay this and you pay him back. That particular card for every 100 you pay off it only 66 is going to the debt. That is horrible interest. Course you would have to be VERY strong willed and close the account as soon as it was paid off, not just cut up the cards.

You earn a good salary so you should have plenty of slack in your budget, to not use these cards. What I mean is you earn 3130 but you are spending that, plus x on the cards, so actually your outgoings must be more than the 3130 or else you would have money in the current account at the end of the month.

I notice that you are paying 300 for groceries, is that just your half? If you are paying all of it why? Your OH has to eat too doesn't he? This should be a joint account expenditure, with you both chipping in an extra 150 to the account to pay for it.....

keep going
chev

Dansmam

Thanks Chev. This back to work thing is (one of) my problem(s) and I've not had time to post since back to work. Work first, me and mine later is how I've lived my life and, I realise, probably only now we have austerity, it's just a bit rubbish. Public servant still but thinking hard about whether the public (me and my kids included) deserve having me subsidise what we all get. I'm not the only one...
I'm not keen on asking OH to cover any debt that's mine. We have such different ideas about debt you wouldn't believe. My family have had debt from - seriously - the 1920s - when my granddad died my dad found he'd been in debt all his married life. OHs dad was in and out of work from the 40s on. So he fears debt and has none (actually has savings) and I don't and have £32k.
I was on my own with 3 kids for a long time and basically haven't shifted the debt from then. It's mine, I have an income and the way I look at it it's mine to get rid of.
OH has worked long hours and worked hard for years (public servant too) and now has much more than me. When we got together we were equal moneywise and that was a lot easier from my point of view.
Groceries we take turns except he orders on an austerety basis and I order based on what he's forgotten and who I expect to drop in.
DD2 moves back in next month so am 're evaluating and working out what she should pay to housekseping
DM

Dansmam

Chev you're right. I will start a conversation about groceries coming out of the joint account. Am a bit sick of being the only one to notice when we need basics like loo roll and washing stuff. And anything expensive at all...
DM

Dansmam

Ok Chev I will do the soa on the big pc but it'll have to be tomorrow when OH is out. Don't want him to see the full horror as he thinks I have it all under control. Which I sort of haven't. Not at all
Dm

Dansmam

Now I understand, just checked all the accounts and receipts between Dec and Jan paydays and its having work and children that keeps me spending, but mainly it's WORK that does it - take my eye off the ball and start jumping to other tunes the second I'm back at the coalface (can't be the offspring, they were here at Christmas and we were frugal as frugal things). It's the drop in at the supermarket thats my downfall. Not just wine but will be extending dry Jan into Feb now I've spotted the financial impact of an evening glass (and the snacks that beg to come home with me to go with it). Good news is I still have a job, bad news is I still have a job I have to go to. And dance to the tune of Irritating Boss. Specially cross with IB this week, but will refrain from ranting save to say we managed great when they were absent for months recently - all unnecessary tasks were allowed to sleep peacefully, all necessary ones done and done well...and this week an unnecessary task took me away from doing something for the local sports club I help out with, that would have made a lot of good people's lives better. Leaving me feeling c**p
This months money updated. Money owed is up £200 but most of that is down to interest on the card I'd failed to move to 0%. Now moved so that is a happy thing for next month. And in the past a £200 increase over Christmas just wouldn't have happened - it would have been way more. BUT I have taken notice and will be keeping on top of things. It was taking time I haven't got to update spends on here but the trusty diary (got for pennies 2nd week Jan) knows everything. So I know where every penny went.
Have put the unpleasant truth in my sig to keep me focussed. And suitably frightened.
Happy weekends all, am off to find cheap fun (no, no, won't be that kind of cheap and not that kind of fun) Ok dog, time to walk.
DM