getting over this hill

Brogden

Dansmam wrote: »

Probably not actually the end of beautiful relationship now perspective`s returned. I was pretty shaken up and probably in shock. Just overreacted. Patched up by our lovely people in the NHS, and the world's not ended. Tomorrow's task is to take the good advice on here and decide what I need to snowball first. And not go off on a one if someone happens to mention they don't like paying council tax. It's not as if I enjoy it either...

It's easy to have your light bulb turned down unfortunately.....particularly by those you live with . I think its a fact of life so I try to accept that.....but I still huff and puff on occasion but not too much as the female sex can huff and puff much louder and longer than me and I don't want to start something off that can escalate to who knows where :rotfl:???

With current plans Mrs. B will be debt free in the next few weeks. I have given priority to those debts. She will not say she is happy about this but she will be. Its simpler all round and means less complications if things should go a certain way in the future.

Glad you're nicely patched up - have a good week .

Brogden x

Dansmam

Had the calculator out. If I can keep everything on 0% I need £880/month to clear my debt in 3 years. Putting that up here so I can look back at it ans remind myself. Now off to work out where it's going to come from...
DM

chevalier

The thing about OH, is that you are making changes. It might take him a bit of getting used to, especially if you have said in the past that you are going to do something about the debt, and then didn't. Once he sees you really are sticking to things this time, he may come round a bit more.

How did the conversation about grocery shopping go? Also ref the paying the mortgage back, I get that you want to do this, but surely OH would understand if you paid back the interest bearing debt first? It would make you task that much easier, and get the whole family on a better financial footing that much quicker.

Def work out what DD should pay, not to rip her off, but her fair share of the expensed like council tax, and utilities, and what she will eat. Obviously this will depend on how much money she is earning. But it should be proportionate too. Unless OH wants to sub her, because you can't afford to.

Good luck with your ongoing journey. You will get there. Don't forget about the SOA. The reason for doing it is that it makes you think about all those little things, that you might forget otherwise.
chev

Dansmam

I think I said somewhere here that I'm not insomniac. Well OH is away (long planned trip to visit son) and I'm suddenly awake at 3/4 am. Madness!
Mega anxious at the moment , he's in a don't want to spend the rest of my life with you mood and as DS3 (mine not his) points out, OH is a highly manipulative, and in DS opinion psychopathic person. Don't agree with that but if you Google sociopath it's him to a t. Attractive to people, just not interested in caring for the people closest to him, seeks out - and gets - status, etc etc. Money is an `interesting` thing - when we earned the same it was so much easier, and we worked as a team - then he got a pay rise plus backdated pay, followed by a big payout, and suddenly he's in the driving seat, and his moral compass is clearly off, or at least not the same as mine. Feeling gloomy, off to read my library book and think about all this in the morning. Still, spent nothing but DD2 board so far this weekend. On veg and meal basics. CCs paid for the month too and nearly everything back on 0%. Onwards and upwards...
DM

Brogden

Dansmam wrote: »

I think I said somewhere here that I'm not insomniac. Well OH is away (long planned trip to visit son) and I'm suddenly awake at 3/4 am. Madness!
Mega anxious at the moment , he's in a don't want to spend the rest of my life with you mood and as DS3 (mine not his) points out, OH is a highly manipulative, and in DS opinion psychopathic person. Don't agree with that but if you Google sociopath it's him to a t. Attractive to people, just not interested in caring for the people closest to him, seeks out - and gets - status, etc etc. Money is an `interesting` thing - when we earned the same it was so much easier, and we worked as a team - then he got a pay rise plus backdated pay, followed by a big payout, and suddenly he's in the driving seat, and his moral compass is clearly off, or at least not the same as mine. Feeling gloomy, off to read my library book and think about all this in the morning. Still, spent nothing but DD2 board so far this weekend. On veg and meal basics. CCs paid for the month too and nearly everything back on 0%. Onwards and upwards...
DM

Don't let your 'over-thinking' spoil your mental karma - its weekend after all

Its one of those natural and perfect accidents that men and women are wired completely differently but the world needs both the masculine and feminine approaches to function - a sort of 'two person' committee

What men and women do have in common is that they operate on many different levels and the majority are extremely difficult to analyse. Feelings of love and respect can be easily and wilfully masked. If you know what I mean.......just as you give up on someone they suddenly show you they are your best friend

kindofagilr

Deffo agree baby steps, I had my lightbulb moment March last year, but it took from March till aug ish to get my budget 100% under control, before my lightbulb moment, we had bills bouncing, never had any savings, kids didn't go to any clubs etc. Now we have our budget 100% sorted, we are overpaying our debt, we have £100 going into savings every month for birthdays and Christmas etc, amd the kids go to swimming and baby music class. And I feel so much happier that I took the time to competley sort the budget out before I started overpaying

Good luck *subscribed* xx

Dansmam

Thanks Brogden and koagirl (spellcheck says cowgirl:)). Sunny day here and dog and I have been to the beach. World is wonderful again. About to chuck the last of the interest bearing debt onto 0% for 12 months. Will cost me £70 but better than £70/month.
Rang his nibs on a domestic matter (ball-chucker not in the dog stuff box, and we have a dog with poor dog manners, so having a ball to chuck keeps him out of all sorts of bother when he decides to take on the biggest dog on the beach). Goes like this (bear in mind I already rang to no answer and texted the question with no reply). me : Hi, where's the ball-chucker? OH Ah, I couldn't find that. Me: So you've lost it? OH : Silence. Me: If you'd told me I'd have got another one, so it's lost? (This is the kind of thing I'm forever replacing because Mr Money is above such fripperies). OH: well, you don't have one. Me: we've not got one then? OH: you've;) not got one (repeat the you and we routine a couple of times before I get sick and ring off). See how he did that? HE lost it, I didn't know, I didn't replace it. My fail. Still, nice day, dog walked (not without a bit of a snarl at a teenage GSD, but par for the course and it was far too furry for a lurcher chase and snap game to do any damage). Realise I could have been a bit more conciliatory, but I'm always conciliatory and it always turns out to be my fault. Hehe!:j. Back to Venus for a quiet read of my book. He can hoover while I'm at the coalface on Monday
DM

Dansmam

Oh dear, I am not helping myself am I....

judi24

Hi Dansmam - just caught up with your thread - sounds like things are not quite right with you at the moment. Your OH sounds a lot like my ex - subtly controlling and constantly chipping pieces off your self esteem (if you don't mind me saying!) I didn't realise what he had done to me until he became my ex! (even though my DD1 and 2 and a few of my friends were telling me!) - I am so much better now than I eve was in that relationship!


I am a little concerned that paying him back for a mortgage he could clearly afford to pay off (for a house that you both live in) is priority over paying debt that is in your name!


Just through experience I would get my own 'house' in order and get my own debt down - Just in case things don't get better with OH (sorry to say this but just being practical!)


Also a SOA and a plan might help you focus - have I told you I like I good plan!!!:D

Dansmam

Thanks Judi, don't mind at all, his previous ex said something similar so I know it's not me. Just need to decide if I keep on keeping on (darn that rescue instinct) or move on. It's been a lot of years...though in the past we'd both have been skint, now it's just me. And I think his kids think I've sorted him and I'd not want to let them down. Ho hum.
Off to get house in order...
DM