getting over this hill

Dansmam

Haha. His `previous ex` does that make me his current ex?
Ha ha. He also has a wife from 20 years ago. Not divorced cos of her religion. Which he, the saint, clearly respects. Respects me? Pah! I refer you to the ball chucker convo earlier He paid off her mortgage, while we were together. He rings his children weekly and sometimes daily. Which is what a decent father should but I know he's done it for years as part of the pillar of society myth he's created. Not helping that DD 1 has had serious health issues and we've been at blue light crisis point several times over the years.
He undermines everything I do say and think. I am a mug. He has a record. I am not the only mug. The previous ex who thinks he is a sociopath was not the wife. I am strong enough to deal with all this nonsense, and i may well not be paying for the rest of this house. All the kids are in their 20s now so don't need me. I don't mind looking after people I care for but I hate being treated like s+++.
Complication which is making me invest more than is sensible, is that I left a very decent man for him who was a) the father of my children and is b) no longer with us and lost in very sad circumstances, and c) he OH was very decent through all of the sadness we went through, through that sad time. As a sociopath would be.
I made,a bad mistake there. Too late now.
Feeling troubled, and quite angry for not being cared for now
Crosspatch DM. Bear with me I'll cheer up soon. Just in a bad place today x

judi24

You do sound like you are in a bad place - do you have anyone to talk to?


I can empathise as there appears to be some similarities with ex's - but you really need to talk this through with someone before you make any hasty decisions - sending you hugs and some strength to face this situation and deal with it

Igamogam

Ditto what Judi24 says. I cant help feeling you are not really ready to tackle your debts until you have your relationship sorted out - which ever way it goes, sadly. Hop e you are feeling a bit more upbeat soon

Dansmam

Thanks Judi and igamogam (spellchecker says Glamorgan. Nice, did I mention I'm short fat Welsh and a bit contrary?:rotfl::T). Really appreciate your support, and thanks for dropping by. Have been wondering if I can combine debtbusting with working out where I'm going with life. Don't think it's actually an option to leave debt alone whatever the future may be. I think I choose my future like I chose my past and one mistake I can stop making is spending money that isn't mine. Will take stock on payday when we'll see if I'm winning.
In other news, i got a snarl of contempt and disapproval from OH tonight for parking the car on sand and needing to get a gang together to get the daft gas-guzzling front-wheel-drive-mobile moving again. They were happy to help and I had a laugh. I was late, there wasn't a lot of space, OH was already there and not available to give a view on parking arrangements. I parked knowing there was a risk I might get stuck. It's happened before to many others in this particular spot and folk always rally round. Fallback plan was to get a small army to help. Fallback was needed and worked and gave us all a bit of a laugh. Snarl and disapproval not necessary. Had supper at home before I went and oh bought my one glass of wine so am considering this a good mse night. Work tomorrow so off to sleep.
DM

moneyonmymindsam

Hey , thanks for dropping in my diary ...you do make me smile


I quote you ...
have lied about the groceries. And the entertainment. And the holidays


Till then we have gu puddings and a bottle of fizz.


Keep up the good work wishing you all the best !!!

Dansmam

Cheerier now, thank goodness. Quiet few days have been good for me. Walked in nice places and chatted with nice people. Dog shattered. Payday end of the week so working on month end totals and will post when I have them all in. Vow taken to quit whinging about OH, who is as he is and unlikely to change. Focus on getting the debt down. Kick me if I go off-track. Please lovely people!

Dansmam

Crossposted mommsam (spell check says kinsman?!) thanks for the support, hope we can both keep keeping on. You have great targets set, though sadly I have longer to go. With you all the way!
DM

Igamogam

Sounding more upbeat Dansmam! You will understand why I chose my MSE name.....kinda describes my journey to debt freedom so far!

Dansmam

That's the February payday calculation finally done. The extra Christmas debt has all gone bar £12, but I have not reduced by anything like the £700 the soa thinks I can. The trusty paper diary of spending doom doesn't lie and it says I've gone back to too many nightly spends at coop and sainsbs on way home from work. That would be the wine and nibbles habit then:mad: and also explains the slow down in weight loss. I shall be doing my best to cut all that out in March and will be following the inspirational folk on the cutting out cutting down thread. Have done much better on the other bad habit of buying work lunches - took in soup most days last month.
I have also bailed DS3 out with living expenses on top of rent as he's not had many bar shifts in the last few weeks, but in my book that's good spending because he's staying cheerful and keeping on track with his course which should put him in a good place for better jobs after July. So a bit of an invest to save.
OH is being a bit nicer, though am not feeling at all secure and have worked out a survival plan in case things go wronger than wrong. But the second I've done that all is sweetness and light again. Not sure what that's about, perhaps we're both just making a bit of an effort.
Anyway, back to focussing on the debtbusting. Am turning up the dimmer switch and firing up that lightbulb. Hope everybody is having a good Sunday.
DM

chevalier

show your OH the snowball calculator. show him how much interest you will currently pay. then show him how much less interest you would pay if you could put the 1000 you are paying him towards your debts for say 2 years. you can start paying him again when your debt is paid off. Maybe this will make it easier to understand for him?
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