OH slagging me of in texts

krlyr

Pollycat wrote: »

ETA:
Is anyone else confused by the OP's use of 'their' (instead of 'his') in her posts when referring to her husband?

I assumed that OP was being gender neutral to remain anonymous (I'd assume it's a regular poster adopting an anonymous username). Nothing to indicate in particular that the OP is necessarily female.

j.e.j.

Why would someone be daft enough to leave his/her mobile phone out for the other person to have a nosey. Especially given there's some 'history' as well.

lostinrates

krlyr wrote: »

I assumed that OP was being gender neutral to remain anonymous (I'd assume it's a regular poster adopting an anonymous username). Nothing to indicate in particular that the OP is necessarily female.

Or to get round the suggestion of gender bias often raised as being a problem here.

Either way, isn't confusing, need not be a problem. There is no indication which sex either party is, nor need there be. Equally applicable to both sexes in a heterosexual or same sex relationship.

Communication is the key to relationships. If you cannot communicate and determine boundaries that you can both feel comfortable with......some stretch for you maybe, some draw back for them, then things always be untrusting and uncomfortable.

I think fbaby is right, friends talk, but its also fair to set some boundaries about whAT is reasonably comfortable, and to expect to be the first one spoken to about complaints, etc and to discuss them through as a complex without a partner being wound up by friends and family. Not all friends are wise and balanced in their support and chat. But to insist on NO chat if its important to your partner is unfair. This inhibits their personality and methods of stress management and indeed at its extreme, they could argue its isolating them from a source of support and emotionally isolating.

My DH is not a chatter, and I am. Our boundary is that I chat but we have limits on how personal to us I may make the chat and the detail I give. With any personal 'issues' we face we chat about them together first and always. Conversation is always started between is first, then I can chat, and bring other stuff to the table if its coloured my opinion. It rarely does, but chatting often helps me clear my mind and resolve opinion or see his pov more easily.

Pollycat

krlyr wrote: »

I assumed that OP was being gender neutral to remain anonymous (I'd assume it's a regular poster adopting an anonymous username). Nothing to indicate in particular that the OP is necessarily female.

That's a good point although I think the OP's 2nd post leans more towards it being a female rather than male - but that's just my opinion.

GwylimT

So, you have never moaned about your partner to anyone apart from your partner?

FBaby

I would accept my husband to tell me what I can tell to whom. If I speak to them about an issue I have with OH, it will be because I have tried to resolve with him but have reached a dead hand and need advice from a friend, or am feeling so frustrated/deflated that I need to let it out without worrying about the repercussion of what I say.

Goes the other way, I would never feel it is my right to tell my OH who he can talk to.

Pollycat

lostinrates wrote: »

Or to get round the suggestion of gender bias often raised as being a problem here.

Either way, isn't confusing, need not be a problem. There is no indication which sex either party is, nor need there be. Equally applicable to both sexes in a heterosexual or same sex relationship.

I didn't say it was a problem.
I didn't say there needed to be any indication which sex either party is.

I - and that is me personally - found the terminology confusing in the context that I personally wouldn't have written it that way i.e. used 'their' instead of 'he' or 'she'.

I could maybe understand it if the OP was a long-term poster and didn't want to be identified from previous posts but we're talking about a brand-new user.

krlyr

Pollycat wrote: »

I didn't say it was a problem.
I didn't say there needed to be any indication which sex either party is.

I - and that is me personally - found the terminology confusing in the context that I personally wouldn't have written it that way i.e. used 'their' instead of 'he' or 'she'.

I could maybe understand it if the OP was a long-term poster and didn't want to be identified from previous posts but we're talking about a brand-new user.

Many long-term members create new usernames to post about sensitive issues - it's not hard to look up a member's previous posts, and my OH knows my username on here (and I know his). If OP's OH uses the forum (or if the snooping goes both ways because of trust issues) then a new username with no identifying genders will most likely help retain that anonymity.

Takeaway_Addict

casual_poster wrote: »

I read OH phone when it was left out, being nosy part wondered if they were still spilling things about us. It was accussing me of moody, not interested in family, sex (v private things) but at no point did OH speak to me about these things.

Also is evidence of manipulating me to do a certain thing, quite minor but still upset by OH capability to do this.

There is marriage, kids and mortgage, all long term, do not want to give out lot of details.

I think I want to divorce as I can't trust OH now but this would mean a lot of disruption for above. Thinking to get financial information clear and to file for unreasonable behaviour.

I agree I should speak with OH but fear this they will swing it back on me so it will weaken original problem I raise with them. Also will cause more slagging to their friends?

Thanks for advice everyone

If you want a divorce of this minor issue then there were bigger problems to start with.

Pollycat

krlyr wrote: »

Many long-term members create new usernames to post about sensitive issues - it's not hard to look up a member's previous posts, and my OH knows my username on here (and I know his). If OP's OH uses the forum (or if the snooping goes both ways because of trust issues) then a new username with no identifying genders will most likely help retain that anonymity.

I agree 100%.

That's why I couldn't understand a' new' user trying to hide if they were female or male by using 'their' instead of he or she - because there is no posting history to check (should anyone want to check).