OH slagging me of in texts

casual_poster

I happened to read some of OH's texts, yes is wrong and will get some flack here but whats done is done.

I found a number of messages where they were slagging me off to friends and also spilled some very personal things about me to them!

I feel really betrayed and angry about this, things said were not fair but can't exactly come forward with this as I'm no angel for reading their texts!

We have had previous for this, not by snooping, one of OH friends dropped them in it by accident so OH knows how I feel about this kind of thing and that I was really hurt by spilling personal info.

Any ideas where to go with this? Feel like I can't trust OH and concerned about what else they have spilled, one of the people OH was texting has not even known them for very long so feel even worse for this.

Thanks!

krlyr

Do you want to be with someone you can't trust (you obviously didn't trust them before these texts as you've gone on their phone looking for something) and who slags you off to their friends and betrays your confidence?

If not, then I think you know where to go from here.

Pollycat

casual_poster wrote: »

I happened to read some of OH's texts, yes is wrong and will get some flack here but whats done is done.

I found a number of messages where they were slagging me off to friends and also spilled some very personal things about me to them!

I feel really betrayed and angry about this, things said were not fair but can't exactly come forward with this as I'm no angel for reading their texts!

We have had previous for this, not by snooping, one of OH friends dropped them in it by accident so OH knows how I feel about this kind of thing and that I was really hurt by spilling personal info.

Any ideas where to go with this? Feel like I can't trust OH and concerned about what else they have spilled, one of the people OH was texting has not even known them for very long so feel even worse for this.

Thanks!

If you don't 'come forward with this' what do you think is going to happen?

Nothing - except you are going to stew yourself into a state about knowing about something that your OH has done which is clearly hurtful to you and - imho - is incredibly disloyal and deceitful.

How come you 'happened to read some of OH's texts'?
Things like that very rarely just 'happen'.

FBaby

Is it slagging as in calling you names, or is it onloading his feelings to a friend? If it is the first, then I would be concerned. If it is the second, my view is that he is entitled to his privacy in telling his close friends how he is feeling and in any case probably better than keeping it in. Women get together and moan about their partner all the time and that helps them diffuse things. Men can do it too.

AnnieO1234

How long have you been together? How old are you both? Married? Kids? House?

If it's easy to walk away (aside from emotionally) run like the wind. If it's harder, talk to each other, seek counselling, make sure he wants to work on things.

They are your options, split or strive.

X

TBeckett100

Clearly he has no respect to be doing this. You should end it.

casual_poster

I read OH phone when it was left out, being nosy part wondered if they were still spilling things about us. It was accussing me of moody, not interested in family, sex (v private things) but at no point did OH speak to me about these things.

Also is evidence of manipulating me to do a certain thing, quite minor but still upset by OH capability to do this.

There is marriage, kids and mortgage, all long term, do not want to give out lot of details.

I think I want to divorce as I can't trust OH now but this would mean a lot of disruption for above. Thinking to get financial information clear and to file for unreasonable behaviour.

I agree I should speak with OH but fear this they will swing it back on me so it will weaken original problem I raise with them. Also will cause more slagging to their friends?

Thanks for advice everyone

FBaby

So really you are both guilty of doing something behind each other's back, him saying things to a friend you consider private, and you by snooping.

Obviously, the issue really comes down to the fact that he feels the need to vant about the things you listed and you that you are upset that he feels the way he does.

Pollycat

casual_poster wrote: »

I think I want to divorce as I can't trust OH now but this would mean a lot of disruption for above. Thinking to get financial information clear and to file for unreasonable behaviour.

WOW!
That must be a record!

First posted with a 'problem' at 09:35am and by 10:44am, she wants a divorce.

ETA:
Is anyone else confused by the OP's use of 'their' (instead of 'his') in her posts when referring to her husband?

casual_poster wrote: »

I found a number of messages where they were slagging me off to friends and also spilled some very personal things about me to them!

I feel really betrayed and angry about this, things said were not fair but can't exactly come forward with this as I'm no angel for reading their texts!

Any ideas where to go with this? Feel like I can't trust OH and concerned about what else they have spilled, one of the people OH was texting has not even known them for very long so feel even worse for this.

Thanks!

Primrose

I think you need to sit down with your OH and have a very frank conversation. Don't admit to snooping but tell him you sense he is unhappy with your relationship and that for the sake of your marriage and your children you need to make it work. Just tell him you regard this as a private matter which you don't want to share with family or friends but that you do need to be honest with each other. And see where this leads.

pinkshoes

No wonder there are so many split families if people threaten divorce after just reading some texts and not even bothering to discuss it!

TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!

Marriages need hard work to keep them going. Tell him you read the messages, and that you would like to discuss the content when he is ready!