Dealing with homophobia

supermassive

Edwardia wrote: »

Sometimes the police do something - an 80 yr old pensioner got jailed for 18 months earlier this month.

http://www.haringeyindependent.co.uk/news/11670490.Pensioner_jailed_for_harassing_neighbours/?ref=twtrec

Interesting abt the public highway bc I was called a fcking pervert and so forth in front of witnesses entirely unprovoked and police didn't do anything abt it.

Re: moving - there's no guarantee if you move anywhere else that you'll get nice neighbours. Or you'll get nice neighbors then maybe they'll move to get a bigger flat/house,to be nearer relies etc and the new neighbours might turn out to be awful. This happened to me.

When you're renting it is easier to move, but if you buy it's far more difficult. Going back in the closet is an option if you're single but why the heck should you. The problem is with other people.

When two men live together, even if they don't interact with neighbours at all, the rumours can start rumours which escalate into homophobia.

I still say push the police to tell you why removing the car door wasn't criminal damage.

The other thing would be, to ask why, when there's CCTV there's no evidence of this crime - what's all this reset rubbish anyway, my CCTV system just records continuously. When it fills up the 1TB memory it just records over the top.

Also find out from Neighbourhood Watch if the scheme is verified by them or the police - it might be listed on ourwatch.org.uk if you put in postcode. Maybe you can ask the police to request that this 'Neighbourhood Watch' is verified if it isn't - and it's likely that criminals wouldn't want to do that, bc then they may have to explain odd CCTV behaviour if asked by police. Have you ever seen any NW leaflets etc ?

Neighbours setting themselves up as an unofficial NW scheme could be seen potentially as harassment ie neighbours are watched but no liaison with police or NW, no information.

Car door would've been criminal damage... but there was no proof of a criminal. Just accusations.

I can't go back in the closet, I was never in one. Neither of us are big campy pink wearing feather boa parading latex loving gays. We dress like normal people and behave like normal people - because we are. I was asked if we showed affection where the neighbours could see, i responded "yes, I often can be seen giving him a dead arm" because we're not very touchy feely :rotfl:

The outlook seems pretty dark, to be honest. No wonder people buy guns.

purpleshoes_2

Or its possible that this neighbour isnt homophobic and is just a complete !!!! and would behave like this with anyone.

The neighbours who were harassing me, I certainly won't be the last, they cause trouble wherever they go.

Its tough when you are being harassed no matter what your sexuality is, I was targeted because I live on my own and Im female, I dont think a 6 foot 2 man or someone who lived with a partner would have had the abuse Ive had over the years.

supermassive

purpleshoes wrote: »

Or its possible that this neighbour isnt homophobic and is just a complete !!!! and would behave like this with anyone.

The neighbours who were harassing me, I certainly won't be the last, they cause trouble wherever they go.

Its tough when you are being harassed no matter what your sexuality is, I was targeted because I live on my own and Im female, I dont think a 6 foot 2 man or someone who lived with a partner would have had the abuse Ive had over the years.

The mockery and homophobic slurs coming from him suggest he's homophobic... but homophobia is often prevalent in !!!!!!!!s.

purpleshoes_2

Your MP might be someone to consider speaking to, mine is a useless idiot but my MSP was great (member of scottish parliament), also your local councillor.

Also if theres an anti social task force in your area, contact them, it can be very hard to get anything done about anti social behaviour due to the amount of red tape and it can be hard to get someone evicted (harder if you are in a situation like me where the neighbours harassing me had secure tenancy rights even though they were breaking their tenancy agreement due to their behaviour) but if you have witnesses it helps.

My council has a 24 hour anti social task force helpline and you can call anonymously.

Edwardia

Police and council staff are humans too and sometimes they just don't seem to want to confront these bullies.

I'd advise pushing the homophobia angle bc the police may try and downgrade it to Neighbour Dispute and let PCSOs deal with it.

Some forces have a policy of slapping Warnings on both parties. Others remove the one giving the verbal and put offender in cells for 24 hrs. Others just send round a PCSO to talk to them.

Again some Community Support/Safety groups are really good, others aren't. Some forces would assign a police officer to the street.

I'm bisexual and married to a guy. I don't have a gf but if I did, I would be rather offended by a police officer asking me if I displayed affection to her in the street. The officer is taking the line of if snog your partner what do you expect. You've said you're not doing PDA but even if you were that's legal ! It's the homophobe who's being abusive that's in the wrong.

My MP refused to get involved

purpleshoes_2

Edwardia wrote: »

Police and council staff are humans too and sometimes they just don't seem to want to confront these bullies.

I'd advise pushing the homophobia angle bc the police may try and downgrade it to Neighbour Dispute and let PCSOs deal with it.

Some forces have a policy of slapping Warnings on both parties. Others remove the one giving the verbal and put offender in cells for 24 hrs. Others just send round a PCSO to talk to them.

Again some Community Support/Safety groups are really good, others aren't. Some forces would assign a police officer to the street.

I'm bisexual and married to a guy. I don't have a gf but if I did, I would be rather offended by a police officer asking me if I displayed affection to her in the street. The officer is taking the line of if snog your partner what do you expect. You've said you're not doing PDA but even if you were that's legal ! It's the homophobe who's being abusive that's in the wrong.

My MP refused to get involved

My MP refused to get involved too, he said he didnt "do" housing issues

But my MSP was fabulous

I agree, theres a lot of red tape and if people who are behaving really badly have kids, well, councils dont like evicting families with kids

One of my neighbours was basically allowed to harass me and several other families for years and nothing was done, she was also dealing drugs, the housing said I was making that up, well I wasnt, because her sons kids mum died of a valium and ketamine overdose in her flat a couple of months back and the family had to flee the area because the girl who died, lets just say, you would not want to mess with her family

I have next door neighbours who run riot as well, but they get given the softly softly treatment too and Im going to court soon to give evidence against them, long story, but again, something that would never have happened if the housing had grown a pair

I live in a rough area, but out of maybe 1000 homes, theres 2 or 3 families who cause havoc, but sometimes thats all it takes

Ive been in my flat 19 years now and I dont think theres been a year in the last 10 years where there hasnt been something thats caused me stress, I ended up on anti depressants and sleeping pills due to the actions of some

Im in Scotland so the law might be slightly different but my view is firmly that the more anti social someone is, the harder it is for a landlord to get rid of them particularly if they have kids, because believe me, my next door neighbour and her teenage sons have done enough over the last few years that they should have been moved on ages ago, some of it caught on internal CCTV and police have been involved umpteen times

I went with my mum a few months ago re the neighbours who have just fled and it was very much a matter of we cant do very much to them, our hands are tied. Plus, you make a formal complaint, you are identified and I was also told that they could make counter complaints against me. Which would according to the housing, have to be investigated.

I dont know what the answer is, Im just plodding on day by day and if I need to call police when I need support, thats what I have to do.

dancingfairy

Do you have LAGLOs (Lesbian and Gay Liasion [police] officers) in your area? They are meant to be LGBT friendly and less likely to ask stupid/awkward questions such as whether you were showing affection in the street. LAGLOs do not have to be LGBT but have to respect you.
Also make sure that the incidents are logged as hate crimes.
df

Poppie68

While a don't usually agree with letting ignorant idiots get away with anything in your situation I think the safest action for you would be to get the hell out of dodge. People like that will never change not matter what's said or done to them and if they are put out of action for a while someone will be waiting to take their place.
This can't be good for you or your partner who you say is ill and it doesn't sound like your going to get any peace ever from the local inbreds.

supermassive

Edwardia wrote: »

Police and council staff are humans too and sometimes they just don't seem to want to confront these bullies.

I'd advise pushing the homophobia angle bc the police may try and downgrade it to Neighbour Dispute and let PCSOs deal with it.

Some forces have a policy of slapping Warnings on both parties. Others remove the one giving the verbal and put offender in cells for 24 hrs. Others just send round a PCSO to talk to them.

Again some Community Support/Safety groups are really good, others aren't. Some forces would assign a police officer to the street.

I'm bisexual and married to a guy. I don't have a gf but if I did, I would be rather offended by a police officer asking me if I displayed affection to her in the street. The officer is taking the line of if snog your partner what do you expect. You've said you're not doing PDA but even if you were that's legal ! It's the homophobe who's being abusive that's in the wrong.

My MP refused to get involved

Oh no, he was actually very nice and didn't ask in that way, but just to see if it's possible that the neighbour saw, and that would've caused an outburst, which would prove the crimes to be sexuality related. He said what you've said, that if I wanted to snog my partner's face off outside their front window, I've got every right to do it.

They've already been seen by PCSO's (on their rather amusing push bike).

My MP has been the MP for 60 years or so and so far hasn't managed to do anything at all for the good of the town, let alone help people in the town with problems they're having :rotfl:

Poppie68 wrote: »

While a don't usually agree with letting ignorant idiots get away with anything in your situation I think the safest action for you would be to get the hell out of dodge. People like that will never change not matter what's said or done to them and if they are put out of action for a while someone will be waiting to take their place.
This can't be good for you or your partner who you say is ill and it doesn't sound like your going to get any peace ever from the local inbreds.

He's got lots of things wrong with him, but he's not "ill" he is pretty normal, but in constant pain due to various arthritic type problems. We both have pretty bad arthritis. I'm more "ill" than him, as I have GAD and suffer pretty bad anxiety attacks quite often, and I'm verging on being an insomniac... (so naturally I spend my days in a pressurised sales job like a genius).

purpleshoes_2

So what are your plans to deal with this issue going forward.