Dealing with homophobia

supermassive

I have a neighbour a few doors down that has decided to take it upon himself to claim ownership of the road. He thinks he can tell me where I can or cannot park, all the while throwing homophobic terms in my face and threatening my life.

A few weeks ago it was the final straw as he took the door off my car and left it in my garden.

Baring in mind my partner and I live a very quiet life, we are law abiding, we don't play loud music, we're only really home in the evening due to work... sometimes not even then!

He threatened my life as I had a friend put the door back on. He thinks because I took 'his space' on a terraced street, he's perfectly ok to do this.

The police were called - the pcso that turned up on his funny little bicycle was less than helpful. Seemed to think I was to blame for simply parking my car in a space. There are no designated spaces, it's like most terraced houses - first come first served, otherwise I would've parked in a reserved spot outside my own house, wouldn't I?

The guy accused me of regularly bashing into his car - which is funny, because my car is completely damage-free. Must be made of a new material. He accused me of various other things - all unsubstantiated.

My partner and I have been made fearful of what my happen next because of this.

However, I have a "plan" as it is in my nature as the son of an italian and grandson of a lancastrian coal miner, to stand up for myself and never back down. I don't know if you can inherit pig-headedness, but I think I have.

I went to the police after the door incident and was interviewed by a first response officer. He told me in no uncertain terms that the next time it happens, if I call 999 and tell them I feel threatened, with all the logs against him he will definitely spend 24 hours in cells. If they can charge him with anything, discriminatory abuse etc, then they'll do it and he'll be unable to be within the same area as me or my partner.

This guy gloats about his actions alot - he is a camera operator on the street for neighbourhood watch! He turned his cameras off when the incident happened, obviously :T !!!!.

Seeing as he's so incapable of behaving, and the law is entirely on my side.. and I'm verging on exploding from the stress of it all...

I'm going to see if anything happens when my family are here (taking up parking spaces) on xmas eve. I have a suspicion that he will have something to say (word-vomit, yell, slur) about it.

Given that whenever he says anything, it contains a threat, if I were to feel it was a legitimate threat on xmas eve, and report it as I've been told to do, wouldn't it be awful if he spent christmas in a less festive environment than he thought he might?

Understand I have no intention of instigating anything, but on the off chance - more than likely chance - that he attacks again, either verbally or worse - am I making the right decision to take action when it's likely to affect him most? After the months of what he's put us through, I think it's justified, but my inlaws are saying I should just bow to his every command.

I honestly don't know if it'll make situations worse, or if it'll show him that I'm not going to be bullied and berated in my own home. A warning of sorts that I'm no shrinking violet that he can just toy with.

Sorry this was so long! Give your eyes a wee rest!

Bravo_Zulu

Sounds like a difficult situation but I am unclear as to how any of this is homophobia?

BJV

Firstly I am so sorry. Sexuality should not be a reason to harass someone, ever!


TBH yes I think that you are doing the right thing. You are not going to initiate anything just be armed and ready if and when it does.


& No you can not bow down. Bow down once and you will be doing it forever. If you are in the right then you have to stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be treated this way.


Have to say also unless you own yours own home I would think about moving away from Mr Narrow Minded Bigot and to an area where people are judged by there actions not sexuality.

supermassive

Bravo_Zulu wrote: »

Sounds like a difficult situation but I am unclear as to how any of this is homophobia?

Read the post. The constant homophobic verbal abuse part? No? I made sure to put it in the first paragraph so people who didn't read the whole thing would get the gyst of the thread. I guess I was wrong.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

supermassive wrote: »

I have a neighbour a few doors down that has decided to take it upon himself to claim ownership of the road. He thinks he can tell me where I can or cannot park, all the while throwing homophobic terms in my face and threatening my life.

A few weeks ago it was the final straw as he took the door off my car and left it in my garden.

Baring in mind my partner and I live a very quiet life, we are law abiding, we don't play loud music, we're only really home in the evening due to work... sometimes not even then!

He threatened my life as I had a friend put the door back on. He thinks because I took 'his space' on a terraced street, he's perfectly ok to do this.

The police were called - the pcso that turned up on his funny little bicycle was less than helpful. Seemed to think I was to blame for simply parking my car in a space. There are no designated spaces, it's like most terraced houses - first come first served, otherwise I would've parked in a reserved spot outside my own house, wouldn't I?

The guy accused me of regularly bashing into his car - which is funny, because my car is completely damage-free. Must be made of a new material. He accused me of various other things - all unsubstantiated.

My partner and I have been made fearful of what my happen next because of this.

However, I have a "plan" as it is in my nature as the son of an italian and grandson of a lancastrian coal miner, to stand up for myself and never back down. I don't know if you can inherit pig-headedness, but I think I have.

I went to the police after the door incident and was interviewed by a first response officer. He told me in no uncertain terms that the next time it happens, if I call 999 and tell them I feel threatened, with all the logs against him he will definitely spend 24 hours in cells. If they can charge him with anything, discriminatory abuse etc, then they'll do it and he'll be unable to be within the same area as me or my partner.

This guy gloats about his actions alot - he is a camera operator on the street for neighbourhood watch! He turned his cameras off when the incident happened, obviously :T !!!!.

Seeing as he's so incapable of behaving, and the law is entirely on my side.. and I'm verging on exploding from the stress of it all...

I'm going to see if anything happens when my family are here (taking up parking spaces) on xmas eve. I have a suspicion that he will have something to say (word-vomit, yell, slur) about it.

Given that whenever he says anything, it contains a threat, if I were to feel it was a legitimate threat on xmas eve, and report it as I've been told to do, wouldn't it be awful if he spent christmas in a less festive environment than he thought he might?

Understand I have no intention of instigating anything, but on the off chance - more than likely chance - that he attacks again, either verbally or worse - am I making the right decision to take action when it's likely to affect him most? After the months of what he's put us through, I think it's justified, but my inlaws are saying I should just bow to his every command.

I honestly don't know if it'll make situations worse, or if it'll show him that I'm not going to be bullied and berated in my own home. A warning of sorts that I'm no shrinking violet that he can just toy with.

Sorry this was so long! Give your eyes a wee rest!

Sorry but you're just dropping to his level and to be honest it might cause even more aggro.

If there is no residential parking, and you aren't parking illegally / blocking drives etc then he can't do anything.

I understand your angry, but I would just see what he does and ring 101 if needed. You could always set up your own camera and point it at your car if needs be but I think retaliating and "making" him spend Christmas in a cell would only make matters worse (but that's just my opinion)

Just our of curiosity, how did he remove the car door? Surely the door must have been open for him to be able to get to the hinges?

supermassive

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Sorry but you're just dropping to his level and to be honest it might cause even more aggro.

If there is no residential parking, and you aren't parking illegally / blocking drives etc then he can't do anything.

I understand your angry, but I would just see what he does and ring 101 if needed. You could always set up your own camera and point it at your car if needs be but I think retaliating and "making" him spend Christmas in a cell would only make matters worse (but that's just my opinion)

Just our of curiosity, how did he remove the car door? Surely the door must have been open for him to be able to get to the hinges?

There are no drive ways. It's a terraced street and parking is on-road.

I understand how it could be seen as stooping to his level - but it's what I've been told to do by the police. If I allow it to continue, what then? Surely I'm just welcoming his harrassment?

I would also like to know how he got the car door off as the hinges are inside, obviously. I've got no idea how he did it. My car was locked. I always check it because the fob doesn't work so I have to use the key.

Scrapaholic

What an uncomfortable situation to be living in . It sounds as if this man has nothing much else going on in his life if he spends so much time monitoring what's going on in the street . I don't understand why anyone should have to bow to his every command . If everyone does as he says then it'll go on forever . I'd see what happens at Christmas and if there is a problem , report it in the way you've been advised to . He might not be locked up but he may get a police warning , not that I'm in any way qualified to know how the police would deal with it . If something can be done about it I'd go ahead and let him know you're not going to be bullied . Hope Christmas is happy and trouble free .

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

supermassive wrote: »

There are no drive ways. It's a terraced street and parking is on-road.

I understand how it could be seen as stooping to his level - but it's what I've been told to do by the police. If I allow it to continue, what then? Surely I'm just welcoming his harrassment?

I would also like to know how he got the car door off as the hinges are inside, obviously. I've got no idea how he did it. My car was locked. I always check it because the fob doesn't work so I have to use the key.

I think the police were wrong to tell you to do that - purely because its not them who have to live there day in and day out.


I know what it's like - I've been in a situation with bad neighbours and believe me, the best thing to do would be to play it safe. Keep a log of what's happening and just keep reporting him on 101- Had you really of been fearful then you would have rang 999 immediately.


No you aren't allowing him to carry on - you just need to be a bit wiser than him that's all.


I'd rig a camera up (Web cam linked to a pc for example) and make a point of setting it up so he can see. Might deter a bit.


Does he live in a owned property? If not then complain to his landlord.

supermassive

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I think the police were wrong to tell you to do that - purely because its not them who have to live there day in and day out.


I know what it's like - I've been in a situation with bad neighbours and believe me, the best thing to do would be to play it safe. Keep a log of what's happening and just keep reporting him on 101- Had you really of been fearful then you would have rang 999 immediately.


No you aren't allowing him to carry on - you just need to be a bit wiser than him that's all.


I'd rig a camera up (Web cam linked to a pc for example) and make a point of setting it up so he can see. Might deter a bit.


Does he live in a owned property? If not then complain to his landlord.

I can't find out who his landlord is, or he'd be out by now.

I've got a log book the police provided me with. They have said that because there have been so many incidents reported, if he is reported and I'm in a situation where I'm at risk due to his actions, I MUST call 999 & he WILL be arrested due to the severity of the threats made and previous actions that've alluded to him being physically aggressive (he attempted to kick my door in when he knew I was home).

So I've already gone down that route. I've called 101 lots of times to get the crime numbers. It's all been done.

I'm at the end of my tether now because nothing seems to get done when it's reported to 101. I've called 999 a number of times when the incidents have escalated and they've had to do a risk assessment, told me to go to a room in my house where I was safe and lock all doors. They came out quite quickly but there had technically been no crime committed. Yet.

However, because of all this, it adds up, as the FRO told me, and he can likely be charged. But will definitely be kept in for 24 hours if I call 999 and am at risk.

[Deleted User]

Can you record your interactions with him? Get the verbal abuse down on tape/smartphone/camcorder?

Guest101

supermassive wrote: »

I can't find out who his landlord is, or he'd be out by now.

I've got a log book the police provided me with. They have said that because there have been so many incidents reported, if he is reported and I'm in a situation where I'm at risk due to his actions, I MUST call 999 & he WILL be arrested due to the severity of the threats made and previous actions that've alluded to him being physically aggressive (he attempted to kick my door in when he knew I was home).

So I've already gone down that route. I've called 101 lots of times to get the crime numbers. It's all been done.

I'm at the end of my tether now because nothing seems to get done when it's reported to 101. I've called 999 a number of times when the incidents have escalated and they've had to do a risk assessment, told me to go to a room in my house where I was safe and lock all doors. They came out quite quickly but there had technically been no crime committed. Yet.

However, because of all this, it adds up, as the FRO told me, and he can likely be charged. But will definitely be kept in for 24 hours if I call 999 and am at risk.

Why would the LL have any obligation to evict him?