Dealing with homophobic remarks.

tea_lover

I've got no idea what the comments were, but the OP has stated there were some. It makes no difference whatsoever if the OP is gay or not, the comments are still unacceptable.

If someone I worked with was making homophobic comments I'd complain (I'm straight). Same as I'd complain about racist comments.

merlin68

It's actually classed as a hate crime, making comments about sexuality or religion. you can go to police and get him prosecuted. People have gone to prison for it.

Buzzybee90

tea_lover wrote: »

I've got no idea what the comments were, but the OP has stated there were some. It makes no difference whatsoever if the OP is gay or not, the comments are still unacceptable.

If someone I worked with was making homophobic comments I'd complain (I'm straight). Same as I'd complain about racist comments.

Fair enough, but given as OP hasn't given any evidence it's hard to see.

Perhaps I'm a bit less PC than you but "you two a couple?" Said jokingly could never be offensive to me. Even if he did know he was gay, asking if two people are a couple isn't in any way offensive, I've asked women and men standing together if they're a couple.

justjohn

merlin68 wrote: »

It's actually classed as a hate crime, making comments about sexuality or religion. you can go to police and get him prosecuted. People have gone to prison for it.

Yup don't forget colour and nationality.(someone may think you are racist lol) Even talking about these subjects gets the PC crowd out that are quick to give you a label.

Gloomendoom

Drunk_Monkey wrote: »

But I don't know what to do here. I feel like never going again to these functions. I don't want to cost the company a client or two. And I don't want to appear self-pitying. I also don't want people to judge me before they know me. I know it's probably silly to care what people think about me, but I feel like it does matter. I want people to respect me. I don't want to be laughed at.

how do handle such a situation.

thanks.

You would probably get much better advice by asking your peers. I'd hazard a guess that the readership on this forum is predominantly heterosexual and female with no direct experience of handling a similar situation.

BTW, people will judge you before they know you whatever your sexual orientation. It's human nature.

aileth

+1 to Bagpussbear. Throw the book at him.

Also seems quite ironic, the fella making homophobic comments and then touching another man's bum? Pot kettle black anyone?

tea_lover

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You would probably get much better advice by asking your peers. I'd hazard a guess that the readership on this forum is predominantly heterosexual and female with no direct experience of handling a similar situation.

BTW, people will judge you before they know you whatever your sexual orientation. It's human nature.

Yes, it's well known that straight women have never encountered problems in the workplace with idiot men and their stupid comments and wandering hands.

Gloomendoom

tea_lover wrote: »

Yes, it's well known that straight women have never encountered problems in the workplace with idiot men and their stupid comments and wandering hands.

I'm a straight male and have encountered problems in the workplace and elsewhere with idiot women and their stupid comments and wandering hands.

I still don't think that it makes me qualified to advise a gay man.

lazer

Drunk_Monkey wrote: »

I was put in a really awkward and upsetting position earlier this week. And I need to think about how to confront something like this in the future ....

I went out on Friday to a work function. Basically, I look after several branches in London on the financial side of things, and I was invited to a Christmas party with some big clients that night. I know most of them anyway so I was invited.

Everything was ok except until I overheard a certain guy making some homophobic remarks about me. Now .. I know that people like to have a laugh at someone else's expense and, I suppose, people joke about gays at the pub etc... But I didn't know how to handle that situation at all. I was so embarrassed. I felt like people were muttering here-and-there. At one point, that guy asked a guy who was next to me if we were a couple. He was just a friend. I pretended not to notice. I spoke to a girl int he middle and she was nice, but otherwise I think I was being ignored. And then that guy actually slapped my !!!! !!!! later that night in a semi-drunk way??? I don't think people noticed? but maybe they did? I was so shocked that I made an excuse and then just went home, and straight to bed . I'm still a bit confounded by it all.

I am not excessively camp or anythign like that. I'm 24 years old, and althoguh, personally, I think I look perfectly normal ... people seem to intuit that I'm gay.

But I don't know what to do here. I feel like never going again to these functions. I don't want to cost the company a client or two. And I don't want to appear self-pitying. I also don't want people to judge me before they know me. I know it's probably silly to care what people think about me, but I feel like it does matter. I want people to respect me. I don't want to be laughed at.

how do handle such a situation.

thanks.

The asking if you were a couple with a guy beside you - nothing wrong with that part of it as far as I can see. If you see two people out together (regardless of gender) it is generally ok to wonder if they are a couple and to ask.


The homophobic comments and the !!! slapping are however not acceptable, however this is a big client of your companies, is the man in question relatively senior, if your company lost your client over a complaint, would the company be ok financially? I am not saying his actions are ok, just that it may be worth considering the consequences of the complaint.


As many women in business have learnt over the years sometimes it is best to let the remarks and gestures and actions go, as otherwise it can end up with you being labelled a troublemaker etc. My advice is learn how to fend off advances, and if you feel you can not deal with this man again, talk to your boss, explain, and say you don't want to work with that client again, but that you are not making a complaint as you understand how important his business is etc.

tea_lover

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm a straight male and have encountered problems in the workplace and elsewhere with idiot women and their stupid comments and wandering hands.

I still don't think that it makes me qualified to advise a gay man.

I'm not a black man, a disabled child or a lesbian pensioner either but I'd still be able to advise them to speak to HR and put in a complaint about inappropiate (and possibly illegal) comments and behaviour.