Getting someone to trust you

tesuhoha

calleyw wrote: »

What is for the next man in my life?

The way I look at it. If he wants to have you in your life. You don't need to make huge effort.

if he likes you and wants to spend time with you he will. I have and never would expect any man to give up his hobbies/friends/Me space/family for me. Sadly he thought that way. And would rather sit at home on his own then come and see me.

Its about him (any man I was seeing)to make the time.

I not really sure what is normal any more. Which is another thing that puts me right off LOL!!!

Yours

Calley

Actually, it sounds as if you have been making a huge effort and the advice in the book is a lot less effort than you would expect. In fact if you read the book you will find that it gives a different take on things. Self help books are to be taken with a pinch of salt but there are many gems of wisdom to put your own interpretation to. Anyway, I can't understand why you have sentenced yourself to a life of singledom for the foreseeable future. I do appreciate your point about sorting out your head etc. but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should cut men out of your life. It sounds like you haven't had a decent relationship for a long time already.

If the reason is that you are heartbroken by him then I would say life is too short to focus and waste on a loser. If its because your experience of him has put you off men, then I would say, he is not typical of all men. For a start he brings excess baggage with him. The book I have recommended helps you to look out for good men (sorting out for you what is normal).

If you think that you do not wish for a relationship and wish to remain single, I would say think very carefully about that. Is it what you really want, seriously? You will never be the age you are now again. You are now the best age you can ever be for finding love. If you are tired of the whole dating game I would say, don't give up.

Think about it very deeply - will you look back in 10 years time and regret the decisions you are making now. Its never too late to change your life and find some happiness but better sooner than later.

I think you should thank your lucky stars this guy doesn't want to commit to you. You are worthy of much more. I realise that life is about other things but having your own relationship and family etc. pay a substantial part.

By the way, your very last paragraph in your original post is precisely what you should do - but forever with regard to him.

SeduLOUs

It's very difficult.

My friend recently wasted 2 years trying to get a very nice boy in a similar situation to open up to her. Eventually she realised he will never be able to commit properly and now wishes she had realised much sooner. She was more heartbroken when she finally ended it than if he had cheated on her.

Perhaps you are the 'one' but don't waste too much time finding out. If he's telling you he loves you one minute and then shying away the next, he's either using you, or utterly confused. I wouldn't hold my hopes up.

Whatever happens, do not blame yourself or let it prevent you from finding someone else. I know it's hard but emotional baggage ruins everything.

weatherlobe

This is difficult and I am sure you've heard it a thousand times but its time to move on. If you can afford it, buy yourself some nice treats (Christmas Season?? New Clothes??) and try to get out of the old routine and do completely different things. New Activities? Sports? Interests? Maybe even move out of your comfort zone - it is surprising where and when love might strike!


Reminds me of a friend a few years ago in a similar situation. For the first six months or so she went really wild with flings galore - not that this is recommended - but also learnt skiing, rockclimbing and horseracing plus he added zest for life got her promoted!


And what happened next? She became besotted with the guy serving behind the counter of our local cheese shop, married after a whirlwind romance and are now happily settled with a child and another on the way!

calleyw

I know that all men are not like that. yes I have had a hard time. Due to things beyond my control.

I lost my future with my husband all my plans and hopes for the future went in a blink in a eye. I did not expect to be single at 40 but I was.

And now @ 42 I am still single. There is no such thing as a perfect man. And I am not perfect.

And i know what has happened is not my fault. but still does not make me feel good about myself.

Yours

Calley

tesuhoha

calleyw wrote: »

I know that all men are not like that. yes I have had a hard time. Due to things beyond my control.

I lost my future with my husband all my plans and hopes for the future went in a blink in a eye. I did not expect to be single at 40 but I was.

And now @ 42 I am still single. There is no such thing as a perfect man. And I am not perfect.

And i know what has happened is not my fault. but still does not make me feel good about myself.

Yours

Calley

I apologise. I didn't realise your history etc. I thought you were a young girl of around 30 giving up on men rather than a young lady of 40 who has already been married.

However, there is no perfect man but there are some very nice ones who you could be happy with. Maybe you should take up some new hobbies where you will be more likely to meet new people. I can't remember if you said you tried internet dating but it would give you a large choice of men to pick from once you feel like getting out there again. I just think that if you are feeling lonely then you do have choices.

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

I apologise. I didn't realise your history etc. I thought you were a young girl of around 30 giving up on men rather than a young lady of 40 who has already been married.

However, there is no perfect man but there are some very nice ones who you could be happy with. Maybe you should take up some new hobbies where you will be more likely to meet new people. I can't remember if you said you tried internet dating but it would give you a large choice of men to pick from once you feel like getting out there again. I just think that if you are feeling lonely then you do have choices.

No need to apologise.

I have tried internet dating. and have sorted started again.

I am use to being alone. As don't have many friends. And do prefer at times to be on my own. And other times I crave company. but being shy is a massive thing that holds me back.

And my hobbies are ones that you do alone.

Yours

Calley

tesuhoha

calleyw wrote: »

No need to apologise.

I have tried internet dating. and have sorted started again.

I am use to being alone. As don't have many friends. And do prefer at times to be on my own. And other times I crave company. but being shy is a massive thing that holds me back.

And my hobbies are ones that you do alone.

Yours

Calley

Well, I wish you all the best anyway and hope you have a nice Christmas.:)

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

Well, I wish you all the best anyway and hope you have a nice Christmas.:)

So do I.

Hope you have a good one too.

Yours

Calley