Getting someone to trust you

dandelionclock30

Have you thought about going for counselling yourself?It might help you move forward and towards finding a man who will love you and return your affections.
Dont waste your life on someone like this when you could have a lovely supportive, committed, fun partner.

calleyw

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Have you thought about going for counselling yourself?It might help you move forward and towards finding a man who will love you and return your affections.
Dont waste your life on someone like this when you could have a lovely supportive, committed, fun partner.

Yes I have been having counselling on and off for a year.

Not sure it was helping. And was costing me a lot of money.

I know, I know, I know

Yours

Calley

tesuhoha

The thing is, you are giving all this love and support to this guy, what's he doing for you? Not much it seems. Are you hoping that he is going to become more attentive? Its unlikely when he has you at his beck and call. Not meaning to be horrible here.

bagpussbear

calleyw wrote: »

He says that he can't give me what I want now and possibly never.

The only thing I can do is to take a massive step backwards. keep in contact once in a while and put no pressure on him in any shape or form. Just get on with my life, including dating other men. And leave him to it.

He is being very clear to you, you need to be listening, not figuring out how to be the one that can change him/make him better. Sorry.

But agree, you need to move on and find someone else special, life is too short to keep hoping that you will get together with someone who just isn't in a position emotionally to give you what you need. He needs to address his problems, sure, but change has to come within ourselves.

*max*

Forget all about the "emotionally unavailable" bullcr4p OP. He's just not interested in you. He may have thought he was when he was feeling better and upbeat, but he was fooling both himself and you.

This is not going to happen. You will not be "the one he wants to change for". The sooner you get that into your mind, the easier it will be to move on. Trust me: if it was going to happen, it would have.

Try to move on as best you can. It won't happen.

calleyw

*max* wrote: »

He's just not interested in you.

He is interested but for something casual and that is not for me.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

The thing is, you are giving all this love and support to this guy, what's he doing for you? Not much it seems. Are you hoping that he is going to become more attentive? Its unlikely when he has you at his beck and call. Not meaning to be horrible here.

No you are not being horrible. Not sure about being at his beck and call.

I know what he wants but he is not getting it. I have said to him you know where I am and have my number. And that is where it is has been left.

I don't expect to hear or see him again if ever. His loss.

But moving forward well. I don't think there will be a another man in my life for a long while. As I need to sort my feelings out for him. And sort myself out and my life. And decide what I want to do and how I spend the next 30-40 years of my life that I hope that I left.

Now that is the scary bit. maybe it's time to start making my mark on the world some how. And start thinking about others rather than myself.

Yours

Calley

tesuhoha

If you have a Kindle try this book. Its short and to the point but gives good advice.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Date-Man-You-Must-Understand-ebook/dp/B00JSVTQPW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418912931&sr=8-1&keywords=gregg+michaelson

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

If you have a Kindle try this book. Its short and to the point but gives good advice.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Date-Man-You-Must-Understand-ebook/dp/B00JSVTQPW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418912931&sr=8-1&keywords=gregg+michaelson

What is for the next man in my life?

The way I look at it. If he wants to have you in your life. You don't need to make huge effort.

if he likes you and wants to spend time with you he will. I have and never would expect any man to give up his hobbies/friends/Me space/family for me. Sadly he thought that way. And would rather sit at home on his own then come and see me.

Its about him (any man I was seeing)to make the time.

I not really sure what is normal any more. Which is another thing that puts me right off LOL!!!

Yours

Calley

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He sounds a real catch.


Do you really want to be sitting there ten years from now, with him still whining about how unfair it is that his little brother was always Mum's favourite (or some such drivel)?

If he's that emotionally stunted, it's hardly surprising that he has ended up single. But, of course, it'll never be because he was a whinging man child always needing reassurance/proof that she puts him first/a woman jumping through hoops to get his approval - it'll be because his ex was a mean and nasty person picking on pawr ickle him.


Hard though it is, you've had a lucky escape.

There are good guys out there. But you can't get to know them unless you're free of the other ones.

Good luck.