Getting someone to trust you

tesuhoha

calleyw wrote: »

I would love to find someone else. But when you have feelings for someone else its not fair.

And now I feel the same as him. don't trust anyone and don't want to let any one get close. So I will be single for a long time!!!

Yours

Calley

All I can say is maybe you should try to be open to new people, difficult though it is. You may not like all of them but this guy was a stranger once. No, you are not the same as him because you probably want someone in your life. Therefore if you are wary and closed to other people you are perhaps being your own worst enemy.

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

All I can say is maybe you should try to be open to new people, difficult though it is. You may not like all of them but this guy was a stranger once. No, you are not the same as him because you probably want someone in your life. Therefore if you are wary and closed to other people you are perhaps being your own worst enemy.

Yes, I would like someone in my life. Buts its just to much hassle and grief. And not worth the effort. I have tried to date other people when not seeing him. And it never worked.

so being on my own is best. then I can't get hurt, messed around or used.

Yours

Calley

tesuhoha

calleyw wrote: »

Yes, I would like someone in my life. Buts its just to much hassle and grief. And not worth the effort. I have tried to date other people when not seeing him. And it never worked.

so being on my own is best. then I can't get hurt, messed around or used.

Yours

Calley

Oh my goodness, you sound exactly like my daughter. Its not you, is it?

Joking aside, my daughter has been hurt by lots of men. She told me she is sick of liking people more than they like her. She tried internet dating and had quite a few bad dates but there was one exception. She is now going out with someone she really likes but thinks all the time he is about to dump her and she said exactly the same thing this evening, about being single is easier. However, she doesn't know yet if this relationship is going to work out. She is just worrying about something that might or might not happen.

As I said before, maybe you should think about what you really want out of life. If it is a relationship then you are not going to get it by hiding yourself away. You have to go out there, meet people, maybe get hurt a few times yes. What do you see in this guy? What has he got that other men don't have? Can it really be love if it is not reciprocated or is it just that he is unobtainable? Unrequited love happens to everyone at some time or another. However, if he doesn't love you now, he never will. It hurts but you really do have to try. Don't ruin your life.

calleyw

tesuhoha wrote: »

What do you see in this guy? What has he got that other men don't have? Can it really be love if it is not reciprocated or is it just that he is unobtainable? Unrequited love happens to everyone at some time or another. However, if he doesn't love you now, he never will. It hurts but you really do have to try. Don't ruin your life.

I don't think that he has got anything that is better or worse than anyone else to be truthful. He is the exact opposite to what I have gone for in the past. Why does anyone want a relationship with anyone else? I thought we would work and be good together. And he seemed a normal nice guy who made me laugh and was interested in me. Both similar backgrounds growing up in local villages.

As I said I knew both him and his partner. he is the one who came on to me after they split up. Never even dawned on me, that he had any interest in me. He has said many things that made me think he wanted a relationship. But actions speak louder than words.

Yes it does hurt like hell. And I don't want to feel like this. And the person I blame the most is myself. For having got myself in to this mess in the first place. My life has not been easy for a long time and a bit of mess due to various reasons. Its rather complicated at the moment as well. As for the next few weeks I am working across the road from him. Don't ask, the only reason I took it was for the money. Was not 100% comfortable with being across the road from him.

Yours

Calley

dandelionclock30

Hes told you he doesnt want you really clearly. Theres no point mulling it over all the time, thinking about all the why's etc. You are going to waste your life if you dont move on.
Its very difficult to think of more than 1 thing at once, so when you find yourself thinking about him then just force yourself to think about other things. Join groups, anything to get yourself meeting other people and doing other things. You will find there hopefully people who have something to offer you and enjoy your company.
Your not in any mess at all, you just need to move on really. You have nothing to gain by moping after this man.

Orlando_Virgin

I have a different perspective. It's easy to say "oh just move on then", if it's a little bit difficult. Yeah, life should be easy and no hassle and everything should just fall into place but sometimes it doesn't.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I can tell by the tone of your voice that you have obviously grown quite strong feelings for this guy. I think all you can do is be there for him as a friend (not at his beck and call, you have your own life too) and maybe in time he will see just how much you care.

I agree that he may be scarred for life, and people only worry that you will waste your life going after something that is unachievable. But maybe it's not? Maybe he's just been that hurt that it's going to take a lot of persistence and a slow pace.

VestanPance

I disagree. She should move on and over time forget about him.

If he still wants to have relationships going forward then he needs to sort that out by himself first, before perusing that path. Trying to "fix" him is just creating a world of pain and suffering for the other person.

calleyw

VestanPance wrote: »

If he still wants to have relationships going forward then he needs to sort that out by himself first, before perusing that path. Trying to "fix" him is just creating a world of pain and suffering for the other person.

I agree that he needs to fix himself but I can't help him do that. After that this amount of time as well as being on anti-depressants he either is not going to fix himself or its going to many many years before he can. And he has to want to. The feelings for me were not strong enough to over the fear he has. And just wish he has kept quiet as its been very unfair on me.

You can't make someone be with you if they don't want to. And I would never want someone to be with if they did not want to no matter what I feel about them. The strange thing is that some times he does open up to me. And is honest about things. I don't think he has that many people he can talk to. But then he retreats for weeks on end. If we were just friends and nothing more it's a situation I could deal with. But we have been more than friends and I don't want to wait weeks before I see him again. As you can't build a relationship like that never being in each others life.

The problem is that it has now made me very wary as I am now worried I am going to get used and messed about again. No matter what I do.

Yours

Calley

purpleshoes_2

The signs aren't good. If someone is still hanging onto that much pain 3 years on from a relationship ending they need professional support as far as Im concerned.

calleyw

purpleshoes wrote: »

The signs aren't good. If someone is still hanging onto that much pain 3 years on from a relationship ending they need professional support as far as Im concerned.

Oh he is holding on to a lot more than 3 years. He still seems to be bitter about stuff that happened in his late teens with his sibling being favored over him!!!

I have suggested counselling. But he wont do it. I think he likes to wallow in it. So it just shows what a crappy world it is and everyone is user. Funny that all I have wanted to do is help and support him. And get him to be the best him can be. He claims that I am the only who does not want him to change. Go figure.

For a few weeks last summer I saw a different person. Texting me everyday asking me how I was. And spending the most amount of time we had together. Then he jumped the gun saying he loved me and wanted me to meet his mum and than retreated.

We have kept in contact on and off. And annoying thing is that instead of my feelings getting less they seem to be getting more.

Yours

Calley