Should People Have Children If They Cant Afford Them

Marktheshark

Depends if you want a pension.
The plan is these kids grow up, get jobs and pay your pension as what you paid in does not get anywhere close to covering the benefits and handouts you will be getting when you retire.
Hence, you are going to need some tax payers to scrounge from.

supermassive

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm not a parent. I want to be but whether it happens or not isn't known yet.

People might not want to adopt, simple as. You can't make someone want to adopt if they don't want to. You might think they are selfish but I don't think they'll lose sleep over it when they have bigger things, like their fertility issues, to think about.

I know for a fact you will think that my personal reason for not adopting is selfish.

If adoption's not for them, fine, as long as they've looked into it. To just say that adoption is out of the running because "I want to carry a baby" or "I want to be pregnant" etc is selfish, "I". Indeed, each to their own, but let's not pretend it's very self indulgent and unnecessary.

lulu_92

supermassive wrote: »

If adoption's not for them, fine, as long as they've looked into it. To just say that adoption is out of the running because "I want to carry a baby" or "I want to be pregnant" etc is selfish, "I". Indeed, each to their own, but let's not pretend it's very self indulgent and unnecessary.

But has anyone here said they didn't adopt because they want to be pregnant? No.

I want to be pregnant, don't get me wrong (I'll regret that later! ) but I think that many people will agree that pregnancy is just a small part of the journey.

Very necessary.

[Deleted User]

What's needed is a Bedroom Tax, a pay-as-you-screw scheme with an HMRC camera over the bed.

sulphate

I expect this is the primary reason why many people are put off adopting.

Today, very few babies are 'given up' for adoption in the UK.

Instead, each year in England alone, there are around 4,000 children waiting in foster care, unable to live with their birth families. The majority are older children, sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.

From https://www.adoptionuk.org

Not because they "want to carry a baby".

FBaby

Marktheshark wrote: »

Depends if you want a pension.
The plan is these kids grow up, get jobs and pay your pension as what you paid in does not get anywhere close to covering the benefits and handouts you will be getting when you retire.
Hence, you are going to need some tax payers to scrounge from.

Let's hope they will tax payers indeed then!

LilElvis

supermassive wrote: »

I don't think your hope has much to do with me not suffering the pain of miscarriage. It's incredibly unlikely to happen either way.

I take it most of you on here ranting on in ever increasing desperation to justify your selfish acts as selfless are in fact either parents, or cannot naturally conceive... or both.

I've said time and time again, not to consider all options before IVF, including adoption (which isn't specific to those who cannot conceive, but is an obvious, yet overlooked, choice to look at) is selfish and if you jump straight from infertility to IVF, you're doing so not for the child's wellbeing, but for your own selfish reasons. There are literally no other reasons if you haven't even bothered to approach the subject of adoption as an option.

Your ignorance is shining through again.

You have to have been actively trying for a child for a minimum of 12 months before your gp can refer you for fertility investigations. If your Bmi is too high, as frequently happens to women with PCOS, you won't get any further until you lose weight. Ditto stopping smoking. Then you are put on one waiting list after another as you progress through the testing phase. If you are lucky they find out what the causal issue is and they attempt to treat it (more waiting), if not you are labelled as "unexplained". Next step for most CCGs is to place the woman on several cycles of Clomid - that's another 6 months or so. Only then would you be put forward as "suitable" to have IVF.

Are you getting the gist now as to how long this process takes?

Now you would have couples wait a minimum of a further 6 months (no adoption agency will look at you for at least this amount of time if you have undertaken fertility treatment/investigations) before they start the lengthy process of being accepted as potential adopters.

Fail this and you won't then be able to just go forward with NHS funded IVF - they will make you go through many of the tests again.

During all these years the woman's fertility will be declining, making the chances of successfully achieving a healthy pregnancy less and less likely with or without IVF.

Any idea what a toll it takes on a couple going through this? No, you haven't a clue.

Please post about something of which you have even a rudimentary understanding, because this topic isn't one of them.

meer53

supermassive wrote: »

Thanks for permission to stop. :T

I think you'll find that my view is entirely a practical and moral one, not influenced by emotion or hormones like the views of those on here that have had children via IVF or when they weren't financially very stable etc.

Everyone seems to be so sure that their view is correct, yet would probably be the first in line to say "oh those poor children in care" or "oh they shouldn't be having kids, that lot!". It's a massive double standard that nobody with children is emotionally equipped to deal with.

Sorry, but it's true. The only reason some of you are denying your selfishness is by then saying things that talk about your selfishness :rotfl:

Children are to people that choose IVF without looking at other options, a considered purchase and nothing more until they're born.

Maybe you should try showing some emotion ? Your posts seem devoid of any empathy or compassion for real life situations. You seem to be completely unable to see anyone elses view except for your own. Thats probably due to your age and inexperience of life in general.


I really do feel quite sorry for you. I think you're a troll. And a pretty nasty one at that.

good_vibes

From personal experience, no-one who has every really experience infertility (I mean not "oh it took a while). Should make any comment or judgment on people who are suffering with infertility issues.


It's up there with bereavement and very a sensitive subject.

McCloud1

Haven't read the thread but in response to the title: No you shouldn't, if you define 'afford' as being able to feed, cloth and shelter the child without subjecting them to extreme hardship or relying on the tax payer to foot the bill.

It's blatantly unfair that hard working people have to do work within the confines of their budget, whilst a certain sub-group of people churn out as many as they like whilst contributing nothing, and taking as much as they can.