Should People Have Children If They Cant Afford Them

supermassive

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It is not always an entirely separate issue. In our case had we not felt that we had to give up on the adoption process we wouldn't have gone down the IVF route. I know at least 3 other couples who looked at things in the same order.

Which is how it should be done! You did it right

lulu_92

supermassive wrote: »

It's selfish if you intentionally force it. If it's not natural for you to conceive, throwing money at it until you have a baby... just think of the children waiting for homes, and you're going "no, I want one that comes out of me, not one of these pre-owned ones" :rotfl:

Well heaven forbid if I ever find out I have fertility issues and I choose to throw as much money as I want to on having a child of my own I don't think the thought of "am I being selfish?" would really go through my mind. NHS rounds I think are fair enough, people do not deliberately give themselves fertility issues (I know smoking and stuff does but I doubt people do these things with the intention of being left infertile)

Like I said, we should be doing something about why children are waiting for homes in the first place. Obviously there's reasons that can't be controlled (mental health, accidents/death, etc) but it gets me so mad that there are children needing families because their biological family did not follow the number one rule of bringing a child into the world. (Apologies if this comes across as insensitive, it's about people who abuse children and put them in danger)

FBaby

If you're able to have children, explore other options before deciding to conceive.

Yet funny how you only brought this up with infertility was suddenly mentioned.

GobbledyGook

supermassive wrote: »

Which is how it should be done! You did it right

My point is the fact that we were prevented from adopting. We spent a year on the process before giving up. We then went onto have IVF and our first child that way.

It's not as simple as 'just adopt'. Until the adoption process is overhauled even people who would consider adoption first are going to decide on IVF.

I spent a year jumping through hoops, but I was never going to be allowed to adopt. We were messed around for months by a social worker whose initial 'she suffered abuse from her parents therefore shouldn't adopt' feeling apparently overrode everything else.

I also know a couple who were declined because their 14-year age gap was deemed 'too big'. They'd been married for 10 years and married when she was 24 (met when she was 22). They had their own home, could afford one to be a SAHP etc.

Between us we now have 5 children. 3 (my first & both of theirs) of whom were conceived from IVF. I'm sure we're not the only ones who could have provided a home for children who were stopped because basically the first person we spoke to didn't like us (and complaining about a SW's unprofessionalism just puts a final nail in your coffin).

meer53

Supermassive - you can stop now, We get it. You don't like children or babies or anyone who chooses to have them. However they arrive.

You also have your opinions and we've taken note of them, they stink as far as i'm concerned but hey, i have my own opinions too. My children are the best thing that has ever happened to me, without exception. I would never knock anyone who chooses to have children if they don't have any money, it's simply none of my business, and it's certainly none of yours either, so why not pipe down and move on ?

You come across as very bitter and negative, neither are attractive traits in my world. Or anyone elses really. Probably a good thing you aren't planning to have a family.

supermassive

FBaby wrote: »

Yet funny how you only brought this up with infertility was suddenly mentioned.

Is it? Or do infertility and desperation to have a child... and adoption all go hand in hand? :rotfl: Your constant lack of a point is tedious.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

My point is the fact that we were prevented from adopting. We spent a year on the process before giving up. We then went onto have IVF and our first child that way.

It's not as simple as 'just adopt'. Until the adoption process is overhauled even people who would consider adoption first are going to decide on IVF.

I spent a year jumping through hoops, but I was never going to be allowed to adopt. We were messed around for months by a social worker whose initial 'she suffered abuse from her parents therefore shouldn't adopt' feeling apparently overrode everything else.

I also know a couple who were declined because their 14-year age gap was deemed 'too big'. They'd been married for 10 years and married when she was 24 (met when she was 22). They had their own home, could afford one to be a SAHP etc.

Between us we now have 5 children. 3 (my first & both of theirs) of whom were conceived from IVF. I'm sure we're not the only ones who could have provided a home for children who were stopped because basically the first person we spoke to didn't like us (and complaining about a SW's unprofessionalism just puts a final nail in your coffin).

At least you TRIED to adopt, though. Many just bypass that entirely, or see it with snobbery due to selfish reasons.

supermassive

meer53 wrote: »

Supermassive - you can stop now, We get it. You don't like children or babies or anyone who chooses to have them. However they arrive.

You also have your opinions and we've taken note of them, they stink as far as i'm concerned but hey, i have my own opinions too. My children are the best thing that has ever happened to me, without exception. I would never knock anyone who chooses to have children if they don't have any money, it's simply none of my business, and it's certainly none of yours either, so why not pipe down and move on ?

You come across as very bitter and negative, neither are attractive traits in my world. Or anyone elses really. Probably a good thing you aren't planning to have a family.

Thanks for permission to stop. :T

I think you'll find that my view is entirely a practical and moral one, not influenced by emotion or hormones like the views of those on here that have had children via IVF or when they weren't financially very stable etc.

Everyone seems to be so sure that their view is correct, yet would probably be the first in line to say "oh those poor children in care" or "oh they shouldn't be having kids, that lot!". It's a massive double standard that nobody with children is emotionally equipped to deal with.

Sorry, but it's true. The only reason some of you are denying your selfishness is by then saying things that talk about your selfishness :rotfl:

Children are to people that choose IVF without looking at other options, a considered purchase and nothing more until they're born.

VestanPance

supermassive wrote: »

Children are to people that choose IVF without looking at other options, a considered purchase and nothing more until they're born.

Everything you've written in this thread has been beyond stupid and claiming morality off the back of your own stupidity and agenda. That line pretty much sums up the complete and utter lunacy of your thought process.

If you're not just trolling these people you must be one of the biggest idiots ever to post on these forums and that would take some doing!

Buzzybee90

supermassive wrote: »

Thanks for permission to stop. :T

I think you'll find that my view is entirely a practical and moral one, not influenced by emotion or hormones like the views of those on here that have had children via IVF or when they weren't financially very stable etc.

Everyone seems to be so sure that their view is correct, yet would probably be the first in line to say "oh those poor children in care" or "oh they shouldn't be having kids, that lot!". It's a massive double standard that nobody with children is emotionally equipped to deal with.

Sorry, but it's true. The only reason some of you are denying your selfishness is by then saying things that talk about your selfishness :rotfl:

Children are to people that choose IVF without looking at other options, a considered purchase and nothing more until they're born.

Every one of your posts is full of tripe. You sound bitter, rude and negative.

Why is your view objective, but others aren't?

Stop trolling.

lulu_92

People "throw money at IVF" to have a child does not make the child a purchase - it makes it money damn well spent, but it is in no way the same as spending the same amount of money on a car or a designer handbag.

People do not have kids out of a material desire to own something.