Should People Have Children If They Cant Afford Them

supermassive

Too many people to quote - but if you'd read my first post in this thread - I don't support people having children at all. If you're going to have children, attempt to adopt or at least attempt to foster. If that fails, and you're financially well off enough with a child to provide the best, then conceive.

Conception with no money to support a child through life - not 'scraping by' - or IVF when there are so many children who can be adopted is selfish.

IVF is fine, even on NHS, if you've exhausted these avenues.

And for the poster who's relatives had their marriage broken down by troublesome adopted children... that's too bad, but can happen in any family. Infact, the very same thing happened to a family I know of and they're their biological children. Their marriage broke down? Perhaps they should've handled it better, then, or it just wasn't meant to be... or they weren't ready for children.

Take that example. They don't adopt, but had children, twins, naturally. The twins are both born with disabilities and are 'problem' children. The same path would be likely. You cannot swear off adopted children because of one obviously unique example that could've been anyone, any child, whether natural or not.

FBaby

Why? Surely the whole purpose of adoption is to provide a couple with a child that they aren't able to have naturally and to give a child a loving home. Who else should be adopting then?

Really? Gosh, silly me, I thought the purpose of adoption was giving a family to a child who can't be with their biological one, regardless of the fertility status of the people who are prepared to adopt them.

supermassive

FBaby wrote: »

Really? Gosh, silly me, I thought the purpose of adoption was giving a family to a child who can't be with their biological one, regardless of the fertility status of the people who are prepared to adopt them.

You're not making any sense.

Firstly, nobody said ONLY infirtile people should adopt.

Infertile people, however, SHOULD adopt, or try to adopt.

Where's the problem in that status? Is it because you didn't, so you can't really tell the difference between logic and personal emotional connections to the decisions you've made or children you've had?

FBaby

If you're going to have children, attempt to adopt or at least attempt to foster. If that fails, and you're financially well off enough with a child to provide the best, then conceive

Ok, so you are on with my third suggestion, every family who can afford to have children should foster and adopt first, and only if there are no children left to adopt should they be able to try conceiving. Sounds great in theory as this way, there would be very few children left to adopt...except that as soon as the band is lifted and people can start conceiving again, then we are back to square one! And of course, there is then the ethical dilemma of who gets to adopt who, ie. who gets the 2 months old perfect baby and who gets the 10 year old child with disabilities?

FBaby

Firstly, nobody said ONLY infirtile people should adopt.

Infertile people, however, SHOULD adopt, or try to adopt.

Clearly you can't see what an oxymoron that is!

lulu_92

So if anyone is physically able to have children they can pop out as many as they like without a care in the world, treat them however they please and, if that means the kids get put into care, the infertile people of the world should be the ones to adopt them and give them the happiest lives possible (which should be the intention of the biological parents IMO)

How about people think before opening their legs?
How about people stop treating children so badly they don't end up in care with various problems which might haunt them for life?
How about anybody considering starting a family considers adoption before trying to conceive?

I have been considering donating some of my eggs once I've has children as I know so many people with fertility problems and it could help so many people. (this obviously depends on my own fertility)

I have been trying to conceive since September. No luck yet but it's early days of course. I have considered adoption but my county is focusing more on getting people to adopt siblings.

Early menopause runs in my family which is why I'm trying now. At 22 I will be considered old in my area :rotfl: but I want to make sure that it happens before my biological clock runs out. I will not go down the route of IVF if this is the case, but I do not judge anybody who chooses to.

Rebel_Cause

[QUOTE=vroombroom;67256098

I am constantly under pressure from friends, some family members and people who don't really know me to have another baby. They don't understand when I say I am happy with my lot. If we did, there would be 4 of us crammed into a tiny house, and the stuff I mentioned above - well, we'd have to give a lot of it up. Materialistic? Yes I am probably am, but I've worked too dam hard to get to where I am today:money:[/QUOTE]

What has your fecundity got to do with anyone else. Tell your friend and family to mind their own business. It is your reproductive system, your choice. You are not under pressure to have as many children as possible, it is not like you are part of the Royal Family or anything! It really annoys me when people interfere and think they can dictate to others about the amount of children they should have. Having children is a personal choice, the amount you have is a choice as well.

supermassive

FBaby wrote: »

Clearly you can't see what an oxymoron that is!

It isn't. Why are you intent on silently inserting the word 'only' and 'just' when it suits you? :rotfl:

If you're infertile, have IVF! Go for it... but don't do it before you've explored all other options.

If you're able to have children, explore other options before deciding to conceive.

How is this difficult to understand? Just because you made a selfish decision to have a baby through IVF it doesn't mean that the decision to do it suddenly becomes non-selfish.

codemonkey

supermassive wrote: »

It isn't. Why are you intent on silently inserting the word 'only' and 'just' when it suits you? :rotfl:

If you're infertile, have IVF! Go for it... but don't do it before you've explored all other options.

If you're able to have children, explore other options before deciding to conceive.

How is this difficult to understand? Just because you made a selfish decision to have a baby through IVF it doesn't mean that the decision to do it suddenly becomes non-selfish.

Actually, if you're infertile you can't investigate adoption for 6-12 months.

LilElvis

supermassive wrote: »

It isn't. Why are you intent on silently inserting the word 'only' and 'just' when it suits you? :rotfl:

If you're infertile, have IVF! Go for it... but don't do it before you've explored all other options.

If you're able to have children, explore other options before deciding to conceive.

How is this difficult to understand? Just because you made a selfish decision to have a baby through IVF it doesn't mean that the decision to do it suddenly becomes non-selfish.

So what are you going to do if your partner decides that they want to have a biological child?