I really really want to be........mortgage free!

ourcornercottage

AlexLK wrote: »

You sometimes make me wonder if I'm a bad father and will fail to teach my son how to cope with life. Unfortunately, I can't cope with it myself so I've no idea how to teach such skills to somebody else. Currently my son is happy, apart from sometimes at school but many people say he's like me and looks up to me (yes, scary thought, I know). I hope as he gets older he'll be more like my wife and think I'm someone he would do well not to admire in any way.

Really not sure when pocket money should be introduced to son, to be honest. Although I'll be interested to see what he does with it!

:rotfl: Re. explaining banks to your son!

You are far from a bad father, if you were you wouldn't be discussing this because you wouldn't care. I witnessed some bad fathers today, believe me you are not in the same category. Don't take any notice of me anyhow I wouldn't win parent of the year! We're all still learning, there's no handbook!

Pocket money us random in our house for helping out with chores, I don't think there's a right time. I don't plan to formalise it to a weekly thing until high school age.

have you been telling your wife how you feel, you sound very low. Are you seeing a therapist currently? You are very hard on yourself just lately.

ourcornercottage

Another question for everyone, personal property aside what sort of amount are you saving for retirement pot. If for example a couple retiring at 60, what do you think you would need? What would a reasonable amount be? £500000, £750000, £250000 ???? I know it depends on what you do but say you wanted to continue to run a car and have a holiday or 2 a year. I'd like to hear your views......

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

You are far from a bad father, if you were you wouldn't be discussing this because you wouldn't care. I witnessed some bad fathers today, believe me you are not in the same category. Don't take any notice of me anyhow I wouldn't win parent of the year! We're all still learning, there's no handbook!

Pocket money us random in our house for helping out with chores, I don't think there's a right time. I don't plan to formalise it to a weekly thing until high school age.

have you been telling your wife how you feel, you sound very low. Are you seeing a therapist currently? You are very hard on yourself just lately.

I care an awful lot about my son, to the point of crying myself to sleep because I fail to be a decent role model. I know I'm not a well balanced individual, nor am I a great role model. My father was very harsh when I were a boy but he had no mental health issues and along with mother made a good income.

Whilst there's no manual, every single day I try to work out what I've done well at and what could be improved upon. I spend a good couple of hours each day writing materials to teach him or finding places to take him to that will benefit his education. It still doesn't change the fact my son is growing up with a father unable to cope with the "real world", though.

I'm not seeing anybody or taking any medication at the moment. My wife can do without being worried about me, I wished she didn't care and didn't have to deal with my problems.

ourcornercottage

There's no point in me telling you how great a dad you are and the importance of love in a father son relationship, and the ability to earn money not making you a good role model of parent, or anything else as no matter how many times you hear it you really have to think it for yourself.

If you want my honest opinion you sound like 100x the dad your father was to you from your description of your childhood. You have mental health issues but you're still a great dad (my BF does too and is a fantastic dad) that doesn't define you. You should tell yourself 100 times a day what a fantastic parent you are. That's my opinion though, you'll work it out yourself!

Are you going to try an alternative therapy or counsellor? Don't let things get too desperate before you get help

CathT

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Another question for everyone, personal property aside what sort of amount are you saving for retirement pot. If for example a couple retiring at 60, what do you think you would need? What would a reasonable amount be? £500000, £750000, £250000 ???? I know it depends on what you do but say you wanted to continue to run a car and have a holiday or 2 a year. I'd like to hear your views......

I have no idea what we need but I know ed and slowly fading have done some calculations to work out projected fund.

I think its brilliant you have set up a pension for mini-occ.

hiddenshadow

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Another question for everyone, personal property aside what sort of amount are you saving for retirement pot. If for example a couple retiring at 60, what do you think you would need? What would a reasonable amount be? £500000, £750000, £250000 ???? I know it depends on what you do but say you wanted to continue to run a car and have a holiday or 2 a year. I'd like to hear your views......

Easiest rule of thumb is to take whatever income you want in retirement and multiply it by 25 - this works out to a 4% drawdown on the capital which should mean that the original sum remains untouched so you can keep that income forever.

Of course you have to also factor in inflation, lower expenses (MF?? ), etc.

FWIW, we're aiming for £40k/year retirement income, which means we need roughly £1m in our pension pot when we retire. We may tweak that once we're MF, though, as £40k sounds like quite a lot if one is reasonably frugal and not paying a mortgage.

You can combine the calculators here (zero-out Social Security or replace it with state pension amount if you want to factor that in) to get an idea: http://www.calculator.net/retirement-calculator.html The first one gives you the raw amounts (total pension pot needed), the second one can take into account current pension savings, the third one can predict what retirement income you could have based on current pension/future contributions, and the last one verifies that the projected pension pot won't be depleted by withdrawing your retirement income. (There are loads of more in-depth calculators, but those 4 seem to cover most of the basic scenarios you'd want to know about.)

ourcornercottage

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Easiest rule of thumb is to take whatever income you want in retirement and multiply it by 25 - this works out to a 4% drawdown on the capital which should mean that the original sum remains untouched so you can keep that income forever.

Of course you have to also factor in inflation, lower expenses (MF?? ), etc.

FWIW, we're aiming for £40k/year retirement income, which means we need roughly £1m in our pension pot when we retire. We may tweak that once we're MF, though, as £40k sounds like quite a lot if one is reasonably frugal and not paying a mortgage.

You can combine the calculators here (zero-out Social Security or replace it with state pension amount if you want to factor that in) to get an idea: http://www.calculator.net/retirement-calculator.html The first one gives you the raw amounts (total pension pot needed), the second one can take into account current pension savings, the third one can predict what retirement income you could have based on current pension/future contributions, and the last one verifies that the projected pension pot won't be depleted by withdrawing your retirement income. (There are loads of more in-depth calculators, but those 4 seem to cover most of the basic scenarios you'd want to know about.)

I was thinking 750000 plus money from house should do so I have roughly the right calculations. I currently have about 2.5% sorted :rotfl:

ourcornercottage

OP of £65 made today for the FIT payment about what I expected it's been a poor quarter weather wise.

Otherwise very dull day money wise except NW pin arrived, am really waiting for the IB login to check the switch is going through.

Went and saw the commercial property, it's huge! Lots to think about.

ourcornercottage

Forgot to mention got some things to test and review today, a phone charger (very good), skipping rope (BF is chuffed), loo roll holder (not my taste will be checked over, reviewed and gifted. The best thing is a football rebound net for mini which I'll put together at the weekend which he will love. A couple of products seem to have been lost in the post are being resent.

Have been doing fun worksheets with mini twice a day they are easier than his ability do finds it fun and can complete quickly. I'm doing it to build confidence and it's working so far.

BF and I have been toying with the idea of meal planning and shopping fortnightly instead of weekly. We're going to give it a trial run

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

There's no point in me telling you how great a dad you are and the importance of love in a father son relationship, and the ability to earn money not making you a good role model of parent, or anything else as no matter how many times you hear it you really have to think it for yourself.

If you want my honest opinion you sound like 100x the dad your father was to you from your description of your childhood. You have mental health issues but you're still a great dad (my BF does too and is a fantastic dad) that doesn't define you. You should tell yourself 100 times a day what a fantastic parent you are. That's my opinion though, you'll work it out yourself!

Are you going to try an alternative therapy or counsellor? Don't let things get too desperate before you get help

Thank you, OOC and I know you're right about thinking things for myself.

I don't know what I'm going to do re. therapy / counselling. To be honest, I think until I'm ready to accept and move on there's little point. Do need to make the effort to get into a better place, today has been awful.