Normal or OCD

Errata

geoffken wrote: »

Wow,
Thanks for all the replies.
I am afraid that she gets defensive/aggressive when questioned.
I have tried softly softly as well as refusing to accede to her demands but in the end I have to give way as atmosphere is just too bad.
Looks like I have made my bed by accepting earlier.
I used to work away a lot so it was not too bad at weekends but now retired it is wearing.and just hope it does not get any worse as we get older.
Thanks again for your thoughts.

Indeed it does, so it's your job to unmake the bed if you want to.

troubleinparadise

geoffken wrote: »

Wow,
Thanks for all the replies.
I am afraid that she gets defensive/aggressive when questioned.
I have tried softly softly as well as refusing to accede to her demands but in the end I have to give way as atmosphere is just too bad.
Looks like I have made my bed by accepting earlier.
I used to work away a lot so it was not too bad at weekends but now retired it is wearing.and just hope it does not get any worse as we get older.
Thanks again for your thoughts.

So you used to work away, and have recently retired?

It sounds as though your wife has got used to having her house clean and tidy in her own way, but now that you are around a lot more you are potentially disrupting her old system.

It seems to me that a compromise has to be found - nothing wrong with clean and tidy, but two people in a house possibly 24/7 is a lot different to the way things were.

Rrespect from you for the fact that you have now moved into what was almost solely her territory for many years is what is needed, but also from her as this is home to both of you - a little more give and take!

SavingPennies_2

OP - do you think the root of this behaviour is about fear of germs or dirt? Or is it about being very house-proud and worrying about what visitors think?

getmore4less

Get a big shed/man cave, get a hobby and go out more.

moomoomama27

Rather than this being OCD, which it could be, I think she has a controlling personality and is Set in her ways. If this has been going on for some time I personally would not be overly concerned, but if it's only recently developed, or has gradually worsened to the extent where the atmosphere is always tense, then perhaps it may be worth seeking help.

I tend to notice my OCD tendencies developing more when I am under stress, feeling low or am very bored and don't have much to focus on, ( although the latter is now a thing of the past). If you can chat to her about it, but pick a time when its relaxed, voice what upsets or worries you and see if she can identify why she has to have/do things a certain way.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Most of those I could potentially tolerate - looking at the state of my cream leather sofa, I wish I had put a throw over it on the night I fell asleep after a night out whilst wearing over dyed black leather trousers. Tablecloths - if she wants to bleach and iron them, fine.

I would change the light pull to a black one and change the bit at the end to a metal one, as it wouldn't show any dirt that way. Cling film is weird, but they do look grubby very quickly when they're white.

I wouldn't wait to be allowed in my own home, though. If you aren't walking mud or oil into the place and her shoes have been to exactly the same places as hers, I'd say, whilst I'll happily take my shoes off in the hallway (as I guess she does), I am not being treated like a tradesman. I'd definitely still use it when working in the garden, though.

The desk is 50:50 for me. It looks completed, organised and calm when tidied each night, which can be a good thing - but it's your desk, not hers, so it should be up to you.


I'm just getting used to having someone here all the time (he works from the kitchen as well), and, at first, I'd come in from work and the place would look a dump. But, last week, I came in, having ignored all his mess for the week, and he'd cleaned, organised, done the washing up and sorted his office bit out. He seemed a lot calmer for the rest of the week as a result.


Some of it is excessive, but some of it seems ok to me, OP. did she grow up in the sort of place where women were gossiped about if they didnt have everything perfect - or a very dirty place?

oystercatcher

Sounds like my mum :mad:

Anxious, controlling, worried what people will think.
Not easy to live with but my Dad has managed to cope for nearly 60 years I was desperate to leave home but love her to bits .

She has never been diagnosed with anything and she can't understand why everyone doesn't live the way she does

In_a_quandary_2

I dealt with OCD for several years- managing to hide it from everyone. It does sound like your wife has a problem. However, the good news is that the cycle can be broken.

no1catman

On the other hand 'OCD works' - I've checked, again, and again!

pinkteapot

Is this behaviour new or has it gone on for years?

The only reason I'm asking is that behavioural changes can be a very early sign of dementia and Alzheimer's. In particular, people can become a bit fearful/anxious. The mum of one of my friends now has advanced Alzheimer's and he's said that in retrospect, a few years before her diagnosis, she started displaying symptoms. Becoming nervous about leaving the house... An odd fear of escalators that meant she stopped using them. Just little things. He's said that if he'd noticed this earlier and she'd received treatment earlier, it may have been possible to stave off the worst of the symptoms for longer.

The OP suggests that this behaviour has been there for some time, but just mentioning it for general awareness. And obviously a lot of the time it's just foibles as we get older. But getting behavioural changes checked out early is worth it, just in case.