Helping a Friend In Need

Hedgehog99

Plenty of divorcing couples remain in their accommodation while they each arrange somewhere new or while the departing person arranges somewhere (or else the departing person has already planned new accommodation before the split). As long as the split isn't due to domestic violence, and as long as there are two bedrooms, adults should be able to be amicable for a month or two - and there is the incentive to make it quick! If he stays at yours, it could drag on and on.

dandelionclock30

I'd help him get his own room in a house whilst he sorts himself out. I'm surprised he asked to be honest. If he can pay you rent then he can pay for a bedsit.
I'd offer to help him move, cook him tea and even help with the deposit. 2s company threes a crowd and he doesnt need to be with you.

Orlando_Virgin

fairy_lights wrote: »

In some ways having him stay with you for a few months might actually be beneficial. If you charge him the going rate for a lodger you can save up a bit of money to furnish and decorate the flat.
Or would he be living with you rent free?

To be perfectly honest I haven't even thought about the money side of it. He has two young children and I know from the nature of them both that this will be a nasty break up. They are both very stubborn and will fight tooth and nail.

I wouldn't be too bothered about rent if I'm being honest. I know that might seem naive to a few people but as long as he pays his way with bills and food etc. I'm happy to help him find his feet for a few months. It was more about me being a bit gutted to not finally having my own space after nearly a decade. But like I have said already, I wouldn't forgive myself if my only excuse for helping a friend out was "really wanted my own space". That'd be sh*tty.

barba

Tell him immediately so he can review your one sided relationship before he places any level of reliance on you.

Orlando_Virgin

barba wrote: »

Tell him immediately so he can review your one sided relationship before he places any level of reliance on you.

Sorry, what?

dandelionclock30

I think if someone is able to pay for a bedsit then they shouldnt ask a friend if they can live with them.I cant understand anyone wanting to put on someone like this especially on a couple.
I can understand if someone is fleeing domestic violence etc or if they have no money at all.
I mean whats he going to do on a night when you 2 are in the lounge? be sitting there , how uncomfortable for everyone. I think its embarassing for him to even ask.
Cant he go to his mothers?

Homeownertobe

Will he be expecting to have his children in your home as well? I'd think very carefully about this because I don't think letting someone move in with you (presumably rent-free or else why wouldn't he rent somewhere?) in this situation.

Mrs_Soup

I don't think its unreasonable to be hesitating over this even for a friend. We hear plenty on here about kind hearted people who let friends or family stay for a while and it gets abused. I would certainly put a fairly short time limit on it and it should not cause you any financial hardship. Presumably your property is suitable for a single or couple not three flat sharers so how would it work practically?

Orlando_Virgin

Homeownertobe wrote: »

Will he be expecting to have his children in your home as well? I'd think very carefully about this because I don't think letting someone move in with you (presumably rent-free or else why wouldn't he rent somewhere?) in this situation.

To answer a few questions, me and my OH don't live together. it's just when she comes round we have struggled for any privacy. This was supposed to help with that. I have actually told her this morning what is happening and she was very supportive and said I should be there for him.

It's not for his kids, he will be leaving his ex in his house with the kids and it's for that reason he needs a room.

KxMx

Surely though OP he will have access to them/visiting rights and may well need to bring them to his current residence at times? Instead of always seeing them at ex's which sounds unlikely from the the information you've given or taking them out?

I am all for helping out a friend but I think it would benefit you both if you start with clear ground rules.