Girlfriend - Work - Mental Health

1312

Errata wrote: »

What do you think she should be doing?

Going back and telling them that the tablets they gave her are not working and having adverse effects. Not sitting waiting for a phone call.

C_Mababejive

How long have you known her,do you rent together,whos place is it?

Did you know about her condition when you met?

How old are you/her?

Is there any prospect of her getting paid employment or would there need to be start up intervention i.e treatment>therapy>training>?

Is she qualified/skilled in any particular area?

Most of all does she recognise the issues and does she want/actively seek help or is she lost?

calleyw

1312 wrote: »

No, you're wrong. I do get it. Hence why I'm stupidly relaxed over the situation and these feelings are kept on here and not said to her.

How long do I wait? Do I continue until it gets me down and puts me in the same boat?

if you understand then you realise that when she is ready she will do something about it. that could 1 day, week, month, year or never.

No you need to protect yourself. And I know how hard it is from both sides having MH issues myself and trying to support someone with them.

Only you know if you can stay around and deal with it.

Yours

Calley

Armorica

Tablets can't magically fix agoraphobia. Looking for a job is potentially a bit pointless if she won't leave the home for an interview or to work.

It's important she has something productive to do though - can she look into working from home, or studying, or even just entering lots of online competitions?

atrixblue.-MFR-.

forgive me but:


I think your at the stage where your questioning your relationship, by the tone I have read you posts in, you seem to be at the stage where, you feel you not helping and starting to resent being in this situation as there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel with no prospect of the end of this problem in sight.


Your at the flight or fight stage of battling your inner morals:
On one hand you have a partner going through a troubling condition, Anxiety and possibly anxiety related agoraphobia, you wish her the best possible treatment, yet know deep down there is no easy quick solution and it could be years before things start to improve or may not improve at all even with treatments and assessments and your morals are that now you in it, how can leave it like this as she is ill and struggling to cope.


On the Other hand, you have your mind telling you to get out, that if you continues to stay in the relationship you'll get dragged down and have to set aside your goals and aspirations of moving on with a career to better yourself, and live do to day giving moral and exhaustive support, and leave what you have left of a social life behind in the dust.
But the thought of moving on on your own scares you and the thought of leaving your GF like this is making you uneasy, with lack of funds, lack of a place to stay asking for parents to support you back on your feet with a place to stay seems like you taking 1 step forwards and 2 steps backwards because your pride will take a hit in the process.


At the moment your in a desperation mode to get her on her feet as quickly as possible in order not to face this scenario, in the hopes you can both prosper to better standard if living and achieve you goals, unfortunately and take it from me as I suffer MH issues myself, gateways or pathways or whatever the NHS wish to call the poorest performing side of the NHS system with very limited man power and very limited funding, is not going to be a quick thing, it can take upto 12months even to be seen by a psychiatric consultant, and CPN's (community psychiatric nurses) are hands bound, where they will hardly even see you if your not suicidal.


dependency on others when your depressed and anxious can lead to over dependency, which is bad for us a sufferers as we then rely on you for everything the incentive is then taken away to move out the house or do the basic things in life, sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind to kick start the recovery process in actually making the sufferer seek help themselves.


You say you know what your walking into here, but I don't think you grasp the wider picture, your thinking a change of meds and speaking to by a CPN or doctor will change things quick smart so you can get back on track and put it behind you as a blip, im sorry to burst this bubble its going to be a long o'l struggle if current meds are not taking the edge off, anxiety is a symptom of something else, you need to find that "something else" and treat that in order to treat the anxiety that follows it, if that "something else" is buried deep and protected and sealed by her to never talk about again, this could be the start on a never ending road.


If your in it for the long haul, then I would suggest you contact MH charities such as MIND for help and advice on how to support without giving out too much dependency and coping mechanisms for you and her, and also, for you to talk to someone to vent your frustrations and get advice along the way.


ive seen and experienced this much in my life time to tell that when someone is looking for either a way out or to justify staying in the relationship looking for the glimmer of hope at the end of what is now an endless dark tunnel at the moment.


Are you prepared enough for this, or do you think it would more better to be cruel to be kind?

FBaby

If you've reached the stage where you are questioning the severity of her issues and her ability to do something about it then you are on a sliding road.

I don't blame you I know that my personality although caring means that I would really struggle to share my life with someone who didn't take some genuine actions to try to help themselves. That doesn't make it right or wrong just the way I am.

1312

Good post.

However, you're wrong, I am fully aware of what I'm walking into, I don't even consider tablets an important part but it's the visual of being seen to do something, to help ones self as oppose to giving up. I have to see willing.

I'm in it for the long haul. I think you make a very good point surrounding enabling dependency and that is my fear.

Ebany

I get the impression that while you sympathise, you are struggling to understand the difficulties she is facing. A while ago I saw this: http://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/image/61998776279 which I think puts across the other side very well. Its not an easy situation to be in, for either of you, but hopefully if you can understand better, it might make things easier.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

1312 wrote: »

Good post.

However, you're wrong, I am fully aware of what I'm walking into, I don't even consider tablets an important part but it's the visual of being seen to do something, to help ones self as oppose to giving up. I have to see willing.

I'm in it for the long haul. I think you make a very good point surrounding enabling dependency and that is my fear.

This makes me think you don't know what your getting into.


Do you know how hard it is for someone with agoraphobia depression and anxiety to show someone this at every step everyday.


To show someone willing they must first be motivated, its almost impossible to be motivated when anxiety fears are present or heightened when forced (or to someone else kind encouragement) will almost result in a fail and heavy disappointment.


like this scenario:
person A suffers with depression anxiety agoraphobia, partner thinks their being helpful by encouraging person A to go shopping at the busy supermarket, Person A after being "encouraged" pipes up some false courage, and thinks they can do it, agree's to go, they get to the car, person A becomes quiet whilst on the trip to the destination, they get to car park and see all these people doing their daily chores, Person A begins to panic, tells partner no I need to go back home NOW!! partner become frustrated and gets demanding they do this as its a step in the right direction (or so they think), Person A goes into full melt down, this is a step backwards for person A as it is reinforcing their fears, partner then get infuriated having got this far the road ends abruptly because they expected more willing and more effort from person A!


If you want/have to see willing your going to be severely disappointed at her, in turn will make you frustrated.


How do you think she would fair up in getting a job if she has sever anxiety in order not to cope with going into places that isn't familiar with her, like job hunting and interviews talking to strangers, and presenting herself as a confident individual when she's practically looking to bolt through the door and hide under a duvet at the comfort of home?.

pickledonionspaceraider

Why do people keep saying depression - the OP has NOT said that his partner has depression

Depression and Anxiety are two completely different beasts entirely.

During a bout of depression, it is always present. Anxiety comes and goes.

OP - What happens when she suffers anxiety, does she have full blown panic attacks and feel she cannot breathe? or is it a milder thing more of a general jittery feeling? After the anxiety has ebbed away, does she seem in general OK? Is this a recent thing, or has she suffered for a long time?

She does sound like she has no motivation to change things at the mo. She needs to identify triggers, avoid where possible and find coping strategies.

Letting life pass her by whilst sitting at home will not help.

There are techniques to help calm and relax naturally.

It is hard for people to understand who have never suffered with anxiety, but a full blown panic attack genuinely feels like you are having a heart attack or are about to kick the bucket - and looks like it to passers by too.

I speak from my own experiences with this topic, and it is possible to lead a perfectly normal life and hold down a full time job - if you control anxiety and do not let it control you