Girlfriend - Work - Mental Health

1312

Icurrently live with my girlfriend who I do adore and love. However I’m becomingincreasingly frustrated with our finances and the way we live our lives. We’restruggling financially and to her credit she knows this most of the time anddoesn’t make stupid spends. However we only have one wage (mine of £900) comingin and £300 per month tops in benefits. The reason she doesn’t work is shesuffers from anxiety and what appears to be a slight case of agoraphobia, Isupport her through this but it’s starting to bother me, she promised she’d tryand get work even if it’s only part time but the effort doesn’t seem to bethere. I think the not working is causing a lot of problems in ourrelationship, she sits at home all day, doesn’t have money to treat herselfproperly and we don’t have everything to make her comfortable at home etc andtherefore neither of us are in a good place. Am I being harsh in wishing shemade more effort in finding work? It’s a confidence thing stopping her inmyopinion

fairy_lights

I suffer from anxiety and know how incredibly difficult it can be to find work so your girlfriend has my sympathy. Has she sought professional help for her problems though? Is she currently on JSA, or is she signed off?

19lottie82

What steps is your OH taking to combat her anxiety?

Perhaps suggest that she volunteers a day or 2 a week as a stepping stone, to gradually ease herself back into the workforce, and build her confidence / improve her CV, before looking for paid work. The latter may seem very overwhelming for her?

Errata

The reason she doesn’t work is shesuffers from anxiety and what appears to be a slight case of agoraphobia,

What treatment is she receiving?

1312

Waiting for a call from gateway through the docs, who are useless. But she's not doing enough to help herself either.

calleyw

1312 wrote: »

But she's not doing enough to help herself either.

Don't take this the wrong way but you who don't get it.

When you are down you can't see clearly and you think nothing is worth the effort. So you don't get out of bed as it's not worth it etc.

Someone pushing you is like a red rag to a bull and no help at all.

This is very much baby steps. Dr's and on from there.

All the best

Yours

Calley

Errata

1312 wrote: »

Waiting for a call from gateway through the docs, who are useless. But she's not doing enough to help herself either.

What do you think she should be doing?

millysg1

What does she do in the day? Does she do all the house work because if she does it all and you none that that is pulling her weight in some way.

Also, have you suggested her starting a course at home, an Open university course. That might help with self confidence if she can achieve something within comfortable surroundings.

1312

calleyw wrote: »

Don't take this the wrong way but you who don't get it.

When you are down you can't see clearly and you think nothing is worth the effort. So you don't get out of bed as it's not worth it etc.

Someone pushing you is like a red rag to a bull and no help at all.

This is very much baby steps. Dr's and on from there.

All the best

Yours

Calley

No, you're wrong. I do get it. Hence why I'm stupidly relaxed over the situation and these feelings are kept on here and not said to her.

How long do I wait? Do I continue until it gets me down and puts me in the same boat?

1312

millysg1 wrote: »

What does she do in the day? Does she do all the house work because if she does it all and you none that that is pulling her weight in some way.

Also, have you suggested her starting a course at home, an Open university course. That might help with self confidence if she can achieve something within comfortable surroundings.

Not really, no.

I like the idea of the course thing

Errata

1312 wrote: »

Waiting for a call from gateway through the docs, who are useless. But she's not doing enough to help herself either.

What do you think she should be doing?