Bah humbug!

Crisp_£_note

Am I the only one who cant say NO sorry?

I suppose this maybe a bit of a rant on my behalf as it's possibly too late to backtrack by now but this year of all years all I wanted to do for Christmas day was spend it quietly with my hubzy. After all we have been married for 14 years and in all that time only once have we actually spent December 25th together alone and this was around 10 years ago! Every other year we've either accommodated his mother or my mum or been with one or the othersfamily. Now I have no problems with his mum and we see her regularly as we live round the corner from her (my mum lives in Wales) neither of our dads are alive anymore just to be clear.

Anyway I asked my hubzy a couple of months ago what he wanted to do for Christmas and his answer was to spend it with me and just me. I am fine with this as its what I wanted too. So I have been gradually introducing the idea to my mother and my brother and even hinted at his mum over the past couple months and more so over the last few weeks thats what our plans are going to be. Its fine we can see each other and recelebrate on boxing day etc if wished.

Then I spoke to my brother today who happend to mention that he is inviting (my) mum to be with him etc for Christmas this year seeming I have had my mum down here with me for 2 years before that and last year me and hubzy had to go and be with mum and brother and his family as it was her first year in her new house, (which was fine) and brother only thought it fair we had some time to ourselves (aside other complications with his ex and their childrens 'time' allowance over the festive season).

Result I thought but this success was only momentary as it was then my hubzys mother came round for a cuppa and asked what we were doing for Christmas day and I explained I had just put the phone down after talking to my brother and it sounds like we were spending a quiet Christmas together. My husband then enquired what she was doing and asked if she was spending it with her best friend and his family (as she spends almost all her time with him anyway these days) but she said she wasnt seeing him until Boxing Day if she can help it and was hoping to spend it with her own family (in other words US). She was previously invited to be with her other son and his family (something that very rarely happens) but due to other reasons she has with her other daughter in law (more so her parents) she turned his invite down. So now I feel were being used as a way for her to avoid being with her friend and as an excuse why she cant go to her other sons. She has said if we change our minds we can say so but how can we when hubzy has said she is more than welcome?!

Besides the fact I have gone out my way this year to grant my hubzys wish to spend a quiet Christmas together just the 2 of us I now would just prefer to leave him with his mother and go and be with mine. I dont enjoy Christmas much anymore now I am grown up (we have no children and I miss my Dad) so to just have a chance to experience a quiet faff free Christmas with my hubzy doing not a lot - how hard can it be?! All my wishes and plans thwarted!

Thanks in advance for allowing me to offload. Yes I know their human and I dont mean to talk about them like objects without feelings but am fed up of not being able to say well actually no we have our own plans and having to expet to be nice and accept and do what others want and this goes for hubzy too as hes just said he feels the same way too.I often wonder if we had children would we be expected to accomodate others quite so readily?

TBeckett100

Christmas is all a charade when you are married. You just want a home christmas but there is a parent and in law annual turn. I said to the Mrs last night that when they are all dead, we may get a Christmas alone at home.

Probably a much larger home lol

Crisp_£_note

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Christmas is all a charade when you are married. You just want a home christmas but there is a parent and in law annual turn. I said to the Mrs last night that when they are all dead, we may get a Christmas alone at home.

Probably a much larger home lol

:rotfl: Your spot on there these are my thoughts entirely too! Of course that 'one day' you mention will come too soon and yes they will be so sadly missed and I will wish I hadnt been so meananad have regrets with my thoughts but hey I'll have to deal with that then theres no guarantee I will outlive them or my hubzy will outlive me is there? Nobobody knows what the future holds this year or next!

Tigsteroonie

Hubby told you he wanted a quiet Christmas with just you. He's now told his Mum that she's more than welcome. That's two different messages - is he the kind of person who tells the other what they want to hear?

And if so, do you think he really wanted a quiet Christmas with you? Or did he really want his Mum there, but didn't know how to tell you?

hieveryone

I can't understand those who don't want to spare a day for their family. This is not meant to offend or upset, but one day your families will no longer be around and you will wish you had them for Christmas.

Your mothers brought you both up - show some respect back to them and have them for Christmas, it's one day. I'm sure you and 'hubzy' get lots of other days alone together.

TBeckett100

I know but sometimes you just want to sit in your onesie, eat, drink and fart Brussels without elderly relatives doing the same and blaming your dog

The real trouble is usually "whose house do we go to" usually the rule of thumb is to leave behind your sofas and get invited to a house with 60% less sofa space which unusually ends up with having to sit on bean bags, kitchen chairs and other torture implements

bloolagoon

You can swap we will have 18 (12 adults and 6 children) for dinner then more at tea time here, this includes overnight stays for some of them. It's a week of chaos in my house with no time to breathe or put feet up until January 2nd. I wouldn't have it any other way but the noise levels go through the roof :rotfl:

Crisp_£_note

To be honest he no longer enjoys Christmas either and would easily treat it as just another day like me.

We may live together but that doesn't quite mean we often spend much of that time in the same room. I gave up my want to live near my mother to keep him happy so he could live next to his parents when we got married. I phone my mum almost every day, we sees his mum several times a week. I get to see mine very little and even less often do I have his company so end up going by train unless theres something in it for him.

I certainly do feel I show both our parents more than respect, I have seen them through bereavement I have taken them in when they've been homeless I've gone out my way to accommodate their needs wants and wishes. They have raised me yes but I feel I have had them for more than my fair share of Christmases (especially the mother in law) and now its ,y turn to get my own 'one day' with my own family (even so thats just my husband and 2 dogs as we are sadly childless).

Boxing day she is happily rejoining her friend and they are going to take his grandson to see the rest of his family so its a day out for her. The day after its my birthday but I am not expecting anything exciting to occur as it never does (unless I attempt to arrange something but due to the time of year nobody else is interested) then a couple days later we are summons to attend a big birthday posh meal which has been arranged for her friend and then for new years celebrations I expect it will be what's now become the traditional early night or see the new year infront of the TV then go to bed at 5 minutes past midnight.

TBeckett100

Mother's Day is the worst. If you ever go to a garden centre, there they are, middle aged children taking the old battle axe out for her annual coffee and sponge in the cafe. You can see them sat in silence secretly wishing they were orphans

tomtontom

Your husband walks all over you Crispzy. Sorry to be harsh, but this is one of many similar issues you have moaned about with him.

pickledonionspaceraider

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Mother's Day is the worst. If you ever go to a garden centre, there they are, middle aged children taking the old battle axe out for her annual coffee and sponge in the cafe. You can see them sat in silence secretly wishing they were orphans

hahahahahaha:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: