Ex husband leaving DD with his girlfriend

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Deleted_User wrote: »

Absolutely I totally get all yr points of view. That's why I said on my OP that I am keeping out of it but its how I feel. Of course I don't show my feelings to the kids, I've always tried to present daddy's gf in a positive way, despite how I feel.

Thank you for reminding me its whats best for them. I don't want to be bitter. But I never thought when I had my babies I'd hv to share them with another woman later down the line.

I do understand this. Not as someone who's had kids, and been in that situation, but as a child who was in that situation. I'm sure my mum probably felt very similar to you, and i think its a normal reaction to worry. I think in my case it helped that my stepmum (though they didn't actually marry till 10 years after they got together) took an interest in me and cared about me. I'd hope your exes partner falls into this catorgory. If they have a home together then that one is also partly your childrens other "home" too now. That doesn't mean they love you any less. I for a long time felt like i was being unloyal by caring about my stepmum, after all i already had a mum, but she was never a replacement, and she never saw herself that way, in fact her and my mum got along really well and i had a great relationship with both of them. If you can let them have time together, maybe they can have a good relationship with both of you too?

I only saw my dad, for 4 hours a week :eek:. At least your children get another 20 hours on top of that Hopefully this gives them a chance to have a better relationship with dad

duchy

I think you need to stop offering to take the kids back early .

Frankly he's taking the Mickey still (I remember the holiday issue too) and giving your kids some very odd ideas about relationships. Do you want your son and daughter growing up believing that a woman's role is to drop any and all plans she has made for her free time simply because a man wants her to and his needs and wants are always to take priority over hers ?

I find it extraordinary that he hasn't introduced a woman who is presumably expected to be a permanent fixture in your children's lives as he's bought a home with her to you. The thought you are so accepting that if he chooses he can just spring meeting her on you......in the same way he just clicks his fingers and you'll drop everything to have the kids back early because HE wants it. If you wanted him to have them a day early just because you fancied doing something - would he be as accommodating ?

You do give the impression that instead of doing things for you on the weekends you are sitting at home counting the hours til the children come home and making sure you are available in case the lord and master decides on a whim that he wants to cut the visit short.

The fuller your life is the sooner you will get over the split - the weekend is your free time - don't not make plans in case he decides he wants an early night with his girlfriend- plan your time -or just tell him you won't be home yet if he decides his life is more important than yours otherwise you'll have years of him deciding last moment he can't have the kids and wrecking plans you will be making ......not to mention having to deal with the fallout when the kids start to recognize that they aren't the priority in his life they should be.

Learn to say no - not aggressively "Oh what a shame you didn't let me know earlier you wanted to drop them off early.......I have plans and won't be back until <half an hour before he's due to drop them off> Sorry it isn't possible"

The first time you do it he'll be shocked and maybe angry but he'll get over it and start to see you as a person in your own right and not just as the kid's mum which is a positive thing.

Levi-

i felt this way when my ex first got with her (now) husband and my son started to see more of him than he did of me.. at a very formative age too. whenever i heard that he was looking after him by himself i couldn't help but feel twinges of 'if hes not with her, he should be with me'. i have come to accept it but am still on edge about him being the male in my sons life more than i am (time wise)... but we try and keep things as harmonious as possible as my son is happy and own jaded feelings on the subject don't need to come in to it.. but i do totally understand where you are coming from..! x

bethal

Hi,

You've already had some good advice and know what's best for the kids.

I just wanted to add that a step-mum is in no way a replacement but can be a really good guide through some bumpier bits of life- speaking from experience, it was always helpful to have 2 female perspectives - one from my strict mum and one from my more laid back step mum. Try as hard as you can to get on - I can't tell you how important it's been to my life that I can invite both sets of parents to my birthdays/celebrations

Plus, my dad isn't with my step-mum anymore and I had the pleasure of being her bridesmaid this year at her wedding to her new partner.

Families are complicated and messy sometimes, but you'll tend to find old and new partners have quite a lot in common.....